


the moments i play in the dark

by Histoirian



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Childhood Trauma, Eleanor has severe mommy issues, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fabiola for sure needs her friends, Falling In Love, Mentions of Sex, Paxton is just super hot and I have a thing for academic types okay, Relationship Discussions, Snark, Sweet angel Devi just needs a smack upside the head, Sweet baby ben just needs some love and affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26196706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Histoirian/pseuds/Histoirian
Summary: Ben and Devi never confronted what occurred in Malibu.What happens when five years later, after not speaking throughout half of high school and all of university, they are thrown together once again?A.K.A., aged up Devi and Ben haven't changed at all or dealt with their unresolved issues, but also a whole lot of Fabiola and Eleanor because I love their friendship and want them all to have super fulfilled lives okay????
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar, Eve (Never Have I Ever)/Fabiola Torres, Paxton Hall-Yoshida/Eleanor Wong
Comments: 76
Kudos: 111





	1. Prologue: always keep your heart locked tight

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many thoughts after finishing the first season of this show. This is how I am dealing with all that angst. 
> 
> Also, I have read far too many Devi/Ben fics and I need help!!! So much unresolved tension!!! My heart can't handle this.

Devi opens the door to her bedroom, and Fabiola and Eleanor come barreling in after, holding a tub of ice cream and some spoons. Devi tried to quiet them down, half-heartedly, while they all collapse into a heap on her bedroom floor. She doesn’t want to get in trouble with her mother, but she’s also sleep deprived and a bit too drunk to care. 

The buzz from the evening is starting to wear off, but they’re all still dressed in their prom dresses and not very eager to let the magic fade away just yet. So, they decided to come back to Devi’s place to crash for the night, their overnight bags already tucked safely in the corner, and gorge themselves with ice cream.

“Guys,” Devi says, her mouth full of ice cream, “I just want to say… Prom sucks, what the heck was that?”

Eleanor melts into a puddle of giggles, waving her spoon in the air to show comradery. Fabiola uses the opportunity to grab a bite of ice cream.

“Yea, what’s up with that?” Eleanor chimes in. “All the movies make it look like the biggest night of your life, but there was barely any décor, even. I wanted to be transported to Paris, not the high school cafeteria.” 

“And what were with all the slow songs? Like, how many of our peers actually came with dates to the prom,” Devi continues.

“I mean, except you Fab,” Eleanor chimes in. 

“Oh, yea, of course, but that’s different. Her and Eve are actually in a relationship.”

“Were,” Fabiola says softly, mouth full of ice cream.

Eleanor and Devi freeze, and stare at Fabiola.

“Were?” Eleanor says softly, trying to gage Fab’s reaction.

Fabiola takes another bite of ice cream. “Since, uh, she decided she was going to go to Berkeley, and we, um, finally discussed what that meant for us. We thought it would be the most mutually beneficial to end things now, since I will be at MIT. A very logical decision, really.” Fabiola’s eyes start to fill with tears.

“Oh Fab,” Eleanor gasps, before jumping on her and giving her a huge hug. Devi follows suit, wrapping her two friends in her arms, while Fabiola lets the ears slide down her face.

“Fab, I’m so sorry,” Devi chimes in, trying to support her friend, but not being sure how.

Fab takes a deep breath and then sits up, wiping the tears off her cheeks. “Really, it’s alright. It was a mutually beneficial situation. I will always relish the time we spent together but we need to do what makes the most sense for the both of us. So, I’m alright, truly.”

“Well, you’re much stronger than I,” Eleanor says dramatically, collapsing onto the floor. “I was in my room for a week when Oliver and I broke up in sophomore year. And we dated for like, a month, tops.”

“I do remember that,” Fab says with a bit of a grin, “I had to restock your ice cream reserves a couple of times.”

“And so, I will do the same for you. Eat up.” Eleanor says as she tris to shove her spoon of ice cream in Fabiola’s mouth.

“I’ll be alright, honestly,” Fab says with a grin.

“Follow up question then,” Eleanor says, looking mainly at Devi, “Paxton. Can we talk about that? I can’t believe he came back for our prom. Your prom. That’s just rude.”

“I mean, he can do whatever he wants, I guess.,” Devi says, self-consciously. 

“Sure, but it wasn’t even his prom! Like, have some class, right? Showing up at your ex-girlfriend’s prom night with some other girl you barely know? That’s tacky.”

“Um, sure,” Devi says, shoving a conspicuously large bite of ice cream in her mouth.

“Wait, it was tacky right? Do you know something, Devi?” Eleanor squeals, while Devi tries to quiet her down.

“I mean… He might have come, um, for me?”

Fabiola and Eleanor both audibly gasp, and shift themselves closer.

“I beg your pardon?” Eleanor says.

“Um, well, he pulled me aside at one point. When you were both MIA for a sec. Just wanted to talk, um, about the last year.”

“And, what did he say?” Fabiola counters, falling into the narrative.

“Just about how it was good we went our separate ways for, uh, his first year at college, but that he’s thinking about transferring to NYU.”

“That’s not very far from Princeton.”

“No, it’s not.” Devi agrees, picking at the melting ice cream tub with her spoon.

“And? What else?” Eleanor practically screams, before remembering the time.

“Just that he was wondering if, when I ever visit the city to visit you, Eleanor, if maybe we could catch up as well.”

Fabiola and Eleanor both gasp, in sync, and they all freeze. They burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the three of them are lying on the floor, the tub of ice cream empty and thrown aside. Fabiola, unexpectedly asks: “So, what did you say?”

It’s quiet. Devi eventually responds, “I said that it would be nice to catch up, definitely. I don’t think it really will go anywhere, but I like Paxton. I think we could be friends.”

“Well, that’s very mature, Devi.” Eleanor states. “Wait, does that mean I might have to see Paxton on the streets? I have to share my city with him?”

“Well,” Fab starts, “there are approximately 8 million other people in that you already have to share the city with, I don’t see the harm of one more.”

“That is so not the point.”

“You’ll be fine, Eleanor. Who knows? Maybe you two will become friends?” Devi suggests.

“Highly unlikely. I don’t associate myself with individuals who dump my best friends.”

“You can be friends with Eve, too, if you’d like,” Fab chimes in.

“What did I just say? No dumpers!”

“It was much more of a mutual agree-“

“None! No exes! A clean slate for us this year. We make a vow, right here, right now. As we move forward into this pivotal moment in our lives, we agree to always keep moving forward. Not to dwell on the past. We meet cute new beaus and belles and move forth with the university experiences of our dreams. Keeping each other updated on all new life updates, of course. Do we have an agreement?”

Fab and Devi roll their eyes, and put their outstretched hands on top of Eleanor’s hand in agreement. 

“Well,” Devi begins, “if we’re turning over a clean slate in the fall, then I vote we spend tonight reminiscing. Like, about the time in fifth grade when Eleanor was trapped in that hole, for like, five hours.”

“That was traumatizing,” Eleanor squeals as she hits Devi with a pillow, causing Devi to break out into laughter.

“Well, we found you, didn’t we?” Devi defends.

“After five-“ another hit with the pillow, “hours!” And another. Devi is in stitches.

“Ooh, how about the time where Devi had a breakdown because Nick Jonas married a different Indian woman?” Fabiola chimes in.

“Now THAT was traumatizing! Can you believe it? How dare he!” Devi exclaims, still lying on the floor.

“Ooh I have one, I have one! How about the time where Fabiola shoved Devi into the pool.”

“How many times do I have to say that I didn’t shove her!” Fabiola shoves her face into the pillow that had been used to attack Devi.

“I dunno Fab, I remember being pushed,” Devi teases,

“You do not because I did not! Devi!!” Fabiola muffles the last word into the pillow again.

“It’s okay Fab, honest. I was being kind of bitchy anyway that, like, whole year. I would’ve deserved it.”

“Well, you lost your dad, Devi. And your legs didn’t work for three months. I feel like it’s fair to have an off-year.” Fab replies, her tone softening.

“Sure, but I didn’t need to be so cruel to both of you. You both had your own shit going on.”

“It’s all in the past anyway, right?” Eleanor says, grabbing both of her friends’ shoulders while she does. “Besides, if it hadn’t been for that year, we never would have heard the end of Bevigeddon.”

“What on earth is Bevigeddon?” Devi asks, suspiciously.

“Oh, you know,” Fab chimes in, “the lifelong feud you and Ben Gross have had since, like, I dunno, kindergarten?”

“What do you mean? We still compete over everything.”

“Oh, sure, but when you and Paxton got together, you mellowed out a bit with Ben. We all figured it was just because you were getting laid,” Eleanor says.

“You know Paxton and I never slept together.”

“Oh, you know what I mean. You got each other off. The tension was released,” Eleanor continues.

“Okay, we can shut up about my sex life now.” Devi shoves her face into another pillow she has grabbed off her bed.

“It’s a good thing, Devi. You didn’t fight as much in class anymore. Less detention, more time with your boyfriend. It’s not a bad thing.” Fab states, reasonably. 

“But I didn’t mellow out with Ben! We still hate each other! Like, the race for valedictorian. That was such a huge thing, right?”

“I mean, not really. You got it. Ben didn’t. That’s the end of that. If this had been sophomore year, the whole school would’ve blown up in the fight. But this year…” Eleanor trails off.

“Ben didn’t fight,” Fab states, as though she’s cluing into a puzzle she only just solved.

“Yes, he did,” Devi states, annoyed.

“No, she right,” Eleanor says enthusiastically, “he didn’t! Benn Gross stopped fighting with you in junior year. Maybe even sophomore. Right around when you and Paxton got together.”

“No he didn’t… wait… did he?” Devi starts, confused.

“Maybe he matured past his over-competitive nature,” Fabiola suggests.

“Or maybe he realized he was never going to get in Devi’s pants,” Eleanor counters, a gleam in her eye.

“Eleanor!” Devi exclaims, looking incredulously at her best friend. 

“I’m just saying! I think Ben totally had the hots for you. You two bickered, like, all the time. That was some serious sexual tension. He probably just finally realized you didn’t feel the same way when you and Paxton got together.”

“No way, that’s not it,” Devi says, assuredly.

“Eleanor has a point, Devi,” Fabiola states, “Ben is one of the smartest men in our year. I’m sure he can pick up on cause and effect. He saw his target beyond his reach, and gave up the fight.”

“But he wasn’t fighting for me, he was fighting for his grades! For Yale!”

“Oh, sure, but he has the grades. He’s going to Yale. He didn’t need to fight with you to get that,” Eleanor counters.

“Okay, fine then. How about his superiority complex?”

“He is very full of himself,” Fabiola agrees, considering this possibility.

“No way. Sure, he’s full of himself, but you’re the only one that pushes his buttons. Calls him out when he’s wrong. Come to think of it… You sort of stopped doing that as well.”

“Did not!”

“It didn’t stop entirely, but it was far less frequent,” Fab confirms.

“Well, fine, maybe I mellowed out and maybe he just matured. Can we agree on that?”

Eleanor and Fabiola exchange a glance, realizing this conversation is futile to continue.

“Sure, Devi, we can agree on that,” Eleanor pipes in.

“Amazing. Now, who wants to play smash or pass.” 

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

Devi is running around the apartment, looking under cushions and some still full moving boxes. 

“El, have you seen my keys?” she yells as she tears apart the room.

“Did you check under Fab’s enormous ass?” Eleanor yells back while applying her mascara in the bathroom. 

“I heard that,” Fab groans from the couch, where the has undoubtedly spent the night, dressed in the same clothes as the day before. “But yea, I think I have them, Devi.”

“Amazing, you both are the best, thank yooooou!” Devi speaks quickly as she grabs the keys from Fabiola’s outstretched hand and runs to the toaster to grab her bagel. “Hey, El, good luck on that audition today.”

“It’s ‘break a leg’, Devi. It’s a common mistake but a bad omen if wished upon an actor” Fabiola says, waking herself from her sleep, trying to work out a kink in her neck.

“Sure, that then. And good luck to you Fab on… whatever you’re doing today.”

“Looking for apartments, probably,” Fabiola mutters, bleakly.

“Hey,” Eleanor chimes in, “You know you can crash with us for as long as you need. Honestly, I’ve barely seen Liza since Devi moved in. For all we know maybe she’s moving in with that beau of hers and you could steal her room.”

“You think?” Fab says, guarding her emotions and not letting them appear on her face.

“We can talk about it after my audition. And after Devi’s big first day! Break legs, Devi. They won’t know what hit em.”

“You know I never disappoint,” Devi says with a wink and a smile, sliding her mules on. “Ok bye Fab, bye El, bye Gears Brosnan the second.” She closes the door and runs down the hallway, concerned about being late for her first day, even though she’s on track to be about half an hour early.

She hopes on the subway and heads across the bridge – away from Brooklyn and into the heart of the financial district. 

When she arrives for her first day at Sullivan & Cromwell LLP, she arrives with a smile on her face and a coffee in hand, only 20 minutes early. This is the perfect time to arrive for the first day in Devi’s estimation. She heads into the lobby and walks up to the security desk. She states her name and business, and the security guard waves her toward the elevators after finding her name on the list. 

While the elevator springs up to the 37th floor, where her boss’s office is located. As an intern, she is then directed to the 10th floor by the receptionist, who mentions that her boss will be down to greet her and all of the other interns there. She hands Devi a name badge and security tag before sending her off.

On her way back down to the 10th floor, Devi is feeling an impending sense of unease, and can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. She arrived exactly when she meant to, dressed to the nines in a hip yet professional outfit, with a coffee and a bagel already in her system. She should feel prepared and ready to dominate this new work environment, and yet, she can’t help but feel like something is off.

When she gets to the 10th floor, the elevator doors open, and all of her unease drops like a pit in her stomach. Standing there, talking with her new boss, wearing a name tag and security badge around his neck, is her high school nemesis Ben Gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [title is from Supercut - Lorde// chapter title is from The Wire - HAIM]


	2. loving you isn't the right thing to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the kuddos and kind words! I can't help myself so here is chapter two.

It was the evening after Devi's first day, and the girls were all curled up in the living room of Devi and El's apartment. 

“Wait, shut up, start at the beginning,” Eleanor says as she sits down on the couch, in her hands a coffee mug full of rosé.

“It’s not _that_ exciting, Devi grumbles, sipping from her mug of whiskey and ginger ale, trying to ease her nerves.

“As if it not. Tell her Fab.”

“I would also like to hear the story from the beginning. It’s an unexpected development. I thought Ben was still in the Connecticut Area.”

“You’ve been keeping tabs on him?” Devi answers, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Sure, we follow each other on Twitter.”

“Really? Now that’s fascinating stuff,” Devi replies.

“Oh no, we’re not talking about Fab and Ben, although that is something I’d like to circle back to. We’re talking about _your_ day. How do you feel? You seem… kind of unnerved,” El starts, trying to poke the gossip out of Devi.

“I’m not unnerved! I’m not unnerved,” Devi says again when the first sounded too shrill to be convincing.

“That definitely sounds like the most unaffected person on the planet, my mistake,” El teases, taking a sip of her wine.

“I still want to know what he was doing at your law office,” Fab prompts, taking a sip of her screwdriver and makes a face as though questioning the taste of the orange juice.

“Didn’t I tell you? He’s an intern. Just like me,” Devi says with an unimpressed growl.

“No way. How incredible! This is so Shakespearean. Enemies reunited! Old feuds being rehashed! How dramatic!” Eleanor sighs.

“I guess he decided to pursue a career in law, just like you Devi,” Fabiola deduces.

“Guess so,” Devi bites back, taking a sip of her drink.

“He was studying some pre-law degree at Yale. Seems like a logical place to end up.”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot you and Gross were best twitter pals!” Devi bites back, taking her unresolved anger out on Fab.

Eleanor sighs, “Why don’t you just walk us through the day. Get whatever’s going on off your chest. And then I’ll spill all about my audition, and Fab can discuss what she and the robot did all day. All _very normal_ conversation, okay?”

Devi sighs and gives in. “Sure. I’ll start at the beginning.”

\---------------

The elevator doors open, Devi sees Ben, and she immediately flies out of the elevator and hides behind the closest wall. Trying to get her bearings. Not sure what to do.

“Did I just hear the elevator?” a voice asks. Devi doesn’t recognize the voice and assumes it must be her new boss.

“I didn’t see anyone,” another voice chimes back, which Devi recognizes immediately. _Ben_. His voice is lower than she remembered. It has a sort of smooth cadence now. It also feels so familiar, like wrapping herself up in a warm blanket after a long day.

_Weird thought, Devi. Come on, circle back._

She shakes it off. She needs to focus. Focus on getting her heart-rate under control. Figuring out why Ben is here.

_No. Not Ben._

Figuring out how to rock this internship: that’s all that matters. Not her past, not some boy she hasn’t seen or spoken to in years. Just this opportunity that is going to open up so many doors for her.

She takes two deep breaths, gaining the confidence to come around the corner. Readying her excuse.

_I was looking for the washroom. It’s so good to meet you Mr. Abbasi Boss-Man. And who is this other man I don’t recognize? Wait, is that Ben? From high school? I didn’t even recognize you! Long time no see!_

She takes another deep breath, when the door to the elevator dings again and a group of two older looking associates walk out. Devi acts quickly and sneaks up behind them, pretending to have ridden the elevator up with them. When they turn to continue to their destination, she is left face to face with her new boss. And Ben Gross. She put on the biggest ass-kissing smile and reaches her hand out to her boss.

“Hello sir, are you Mr. Abbasi?”

“Oh, yes, I am. And you must be Devi,” the gentleman says while taking her hand to shake it. Devi can feel Ben’s eyes on the side of her face, his mouth slightly agape.

_Good. Now he’s the one who’s thrown off, not me._

“A pleasure,” Devi replies back, giving Mr. Abbasi’s hand a firm shake.

“We’re still waiting on two more interns that will be joining your cohort. Oh, but we do have here already-”

“Ben. Ben Gross.” He sticks out his hand as if… introducing himself? Now Devi’s the one who is thrown off. Again.

_Does he not remember me?_

“Um, Devi. Vishwakumar,” she says with some uncertainty. She grabs his hand to shake it. Their eyes meet. Devi clears her throat and averts her eyes, looking back at Mr. Abbasi.

_Why is he staring like that? Does he really not remember who I am? Or is he messing with me?_

_Well, two can play that game._

“So, Mr. Abbasi, is there anything I can do to help you set up?”

“Oh, well, now that you mention it, we do have some chairs and snacks to set out in Conference Room C. Why don’t you two give me a hand with that?”

“Would be my pleasure,” Ben replies, and Devi has to use all of her self-control to keep her eyes from rolling. He’s still the same kiss ass he’s always been. She follows the two of them into the conference room, while Ben starts in on some conversation surrounding some book she’s never read. But then she realizes.

_It’s his book, isn’t it? Ben read the boss’s textbook before the first day. What a fucking suck up._

“Did you say something, Devi?” Mr. Abbasi asks, both he and Ben directing their gaze to Devi.

“No, just clearing my throat,” Devi says with a bit of a blush, hoping he hadn’t actually heard what she had said. Ben gives her a smug look before wiping it off of his face and goes back to looking uninterested. What was that look?

Oh.

_OH._

_He SO remembers me._

Devi’s confidence returns as she walks over to the table where Ben and Mr. Abbasi are setting out some muffins.

“So, Ben was it? Always been interested in being a lawyer?”

Ben startles, obviously unprepared for Devi to be speaking with him.

“Um, yea, you could say that.”

“Hmmm, so you did pre-law then, I presume.”

“Uh, yea, I did. Multidisciplinary degree in Human Rights at Yale.”

“Wow, very impressive. And what about now?”

“I, uh, I’m actually enrolled in Columbia Law.”

“You don’t say! Fancy that, I’m also going to Columbia. Same program too.”

“Yes, all of our interns come from Columbia,” Mr. Abbasi interjects, unaware of the growing tension in the room, “Some come from the other Ivys like Harvard, but they will be in their upper years of study and come during the summer. For now, you four are our first-year cohort. The other two should be up any minute. Kelsey on the 30th floor is just setting up their badges and tags now.”

“Well, won’t that be fun. I look forward to getting to know everyone,” Devi says, making pointed eye contact with Ben. He looks down at the tray of juices, trying to straighten them out.

Devi only breaks her stare on Ben when she hears a knock on the door. She turns around to see a guy, not bad looking and definitely around her age, as well as a girl, also not bad looking and around her age.

“Ah, you must be Kelsey and Aaron? Welcome, welcome. Feel free to come on in and grab a seat around the table. We can get into introductions.”

Kelsey and Aaron take the two seats closest to the door, and Mr. Abbasi sits at the head of the table, which leaves the two seats sitting together on the other side. Ben sits in the one closest to Mr. Abbasi.

_Classic suck up._

Devi has to squeeze around Ben to get to her seat.

“Excuse me,” she says under her breath as she squeezes her body between the back of his chair and the wall. Her arm brushes against his shoulder.

_Goosebumps. Why is it suddenly cold in here?_

She pushes the thought away and sits down in her seat.

Mr. (“Call me Umar, please”) Abbasi talks for about half an hour before he gets up to give them a tour of the office. He eventually directs them to a set of desks that will be the interns’ workspace. There are two desks that are on the other side of the room, in their own corners, with plenty of other workspaces between them. Then, there are two that are side by side, facing each other. Devi makes eye contact with Ben when they realize the working conditions.

_Not on your life._

Devi tries to rush over to the other side of the room without being too obvious, placing her bag on one of the single desks. She sees Ben making a motion to do the same. They both arrive at the same desk at the same time, Devi placing her tote bag and Ben his jacket on the same chair.

They both look down at the desk to see that someone (Kelsey?) has already placed their belongings down. Aaron has done the same with the other desk.

_Crap._

With no other options, Devi moves her belongings to the shared desk space. She isn’t going to start a fight on her first day with some guy she hasn’t seen in years. Ben puts his coat on the chair opposite and then rotates so he doesn’t have to make eye contact with her.

_Baby._

Mr. “Umar” Abbasi leaves the room to go and find their first assignment, something about fillings and records, when Aaron walks (or does he strut?) across the room. Devi wonders what he wants to say to her. Her heart starts to race a bit. He is pretty cute, and it has been a while since she’s had a guy in her life. She’s about to open her mouth to say hi when he walks over to Ben instead. However, his eyes still flicker over to Devi’s.

“Hey, Ben, right? If you don’t wanna share a workspace, we could trade,” Aaron says to Ben, only barely looking at him while he does. Ben’s face lights up until his eyes follow the path of Aaron’s gaze. His eyes lose their glimmer and it’s replaced with one of displeasure. 

“Uh, no, it’s okay man. I don’t mind. Thanks though,” Ben replies back with a sour look on his face.

“Suit yourself,” Aaron says, unbothered, and then proceeds to take a seat on Devi’s desk. Mainly Ben’s desk actually, and Ben doesn’t look happy about it. Aaron turns to look at Devi. “Hey, the name’s Aaron,” he says with an outstretched hand and a smile that could kill.

“Devi,” she replies, shaking his hand in return. Ben lets out a cough.

“’Scuse you,” Aaron says without taking his eyes off Devi.

“And I’m Kelsey.” Devi releases Aaron’s hand and looks at the new voice that’s entered the conversation. She sees that Kelsey is attempting to introduce herself to Ben. For some reason, Ben is thrown off by this.

“Oh, uh, yea, Ben,” he replies offering his hand, which Kelsey gladly shakes. Kelsey then turns her gaze to Devi.

“Devi,” she says for the second time, shaking Kelsey’s outstretched hand.

“Alright, I’ve got the boxes!” Umar says as he enters the room, pushing the door open with his hip and almost dropping all of the files in the process. Aaron gets up to help him, leaving the space between Devi and Ben empty again. Uncomfortably so.

“Most days won’t be like this. You’ll each be assigned more individual tasks. But for today, get these files organized and categorized based on colour, case number, and date. The file room is just out this door and to the left. If you run out of files to sort, there’s about five million more boxes sitting on the floor. We mainly use our computer database, so these are just backups that haven’t been touched in years. Okay, now, hop to it, and let me know if you have any questions.”

As Umar is leaving, a group of men and women in suits pass by him to enter the room, gathering at the other desks and cubicles that are set up throughout the room. Likely older year interns or new-hires. They look too young to be anything else.

Devi gets up and makes her way over to Aaron’s desk, where the files are located. She notices out of the corner of her eye that Ben’s left the room, probably to grab his own box from the file room.

“Mind if I grab some of these?” Devi asks, motioning to the boxes surrounding Aaron’s desk.

“Feel free. Hey, if you get bored over there, maybe we could tackle some of these together?” Aaron asks easily.

“Uh, sure, if I get bored,” Devi replies, trying to walk the line between flirting and professionalism. Not well.

“Like that’s gonna happen,” Ben mutters under his breath as he reenters the room and makes his way over to his desk, which he places two filing boxes on.

Devi rolls her eyes and grabs some of the files from Aaron.

“Thanks,” she says to Aaron before making her way back to her seat. Ben has strategically placed the boxes in the middle of the desk, half on her side and half on his, effectively creating a wall between their desks.

_Fine. Works for me._

She places her files on her desk and begins highlighting according to the key and code Umar left with Aaron’s file stack and starts to organize the folders from there.

A couple of hours later, Devi and Ben’s desk space is littered with files in various stacks and colours. The wall of file folders has long since been discarded as the files were sorted.

“You know,” Ben starts, startling Devi from her work, “If you sorted first by year and then by colour, you could condense some of your piles together.” He’s still highlighting his pages, not looking up from his work.

Devi can feel her jaw clench.

“Well, if you sorted by colour first and then by year, you would have an easier time sorting them in the filing room later, since that’s the system they’re using in there.” She glares at him while she says this, daring him to look up into her eyes.

He does, and Devi feels the air leave her lungs. Anticipating the fight.

“But it will be easy enough to switch later, and my way’s faster. Plus, it’d leave us with more room in here since we could put our piles together.” Devi can feel how her heart accelerates.

“Well if you switched yours now, then we wouldn’t have to switch them later, and you could put your piles in with mine.” His eyes are still locked on hers, and she can’t look away.

The tension between them is building. Devi tries to remember the last time somebody rubbed her the wrong way like this. Had gotten under her skin. There’s only one person who’s ever elicited this reaction from her and that's-

“Ben,” Kelsey starts, “my piles are sorted the same as yours, maybe we can combine ours instead.” Kelsey takes some of his sorted piles in her arms, questioningly.

Devi and Ben snap out of their trance, Ben’s eyes snap to Kelsey and Devi’s back to her page. She can feel her face getting warm.

_It’s my first day and I’m already picking fights. Get your head in the game Vishwakumar._

“Oh, uh, sure. Thanks, Kelsey.”

“No worries,” she says with a grin as she grabs a pile and brings them back to her desk. “Wanna help me sort?”

“Uh, yea, okay,” Ben responds, picking up a pile and moving over to Kelsey’s work station.

Devi knows she should feel relieved to have her wits about her and the desk space to herself, but she can’t help but feel slightly disappointed. Like she lost the fight.

“Bored yet?”

Devi looks up and sees Aaron with an armful of files, moving into Ben’s seat. She doesn’t know what to say, so she just smiles, hoping it looks welcoming enough.

The two pairs work in amicable silence, occasionally exchanging quiet words so as not to bother the other interns, who mainly seem to bounce between typing on their computers, flipping through books, and running in and out of the room.

Umar finally reenters the room, mentioning that there’s a sandwich cart on the first floor and some light snacks in Conference Room A leftover from some meeting. Devi looks at her watch and notices that it’s almost one. She grabs her coat and purse, standing up in search of a coffee and some food. As she’s slipping out the door, Aaron falls into pace beside her, smiling.

“So, what brings you to Sullivan & Cromwell?”

“Same thing that I imagine brings you. Trying to get a leg up on the competition before the semester gets too underway.”

“So, you go to Columbia too?”

“Yep, I think we all do. That’s what Umar mentioned, anyway.”

“I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other then.” His eyes have a gleam. Devi expects her heart to race but it remains mostly unmoved.

_He is pretty cute. But, mixing work and pleasure never works out anyway._

“I guess so.”

_But a little flirting never hurt anybody._

“So,” Devi starts, hoping to act on that look he’s been giving her all morning when behind her, she hears a shout.

“Hey, wait up!” Kelsey comes around the corner. The elevator has just arrived, and so Devi and Aaron wait for Kelsey. The three of them walk into it.

“Hey, where’s Ben?” Kelsey asks, and before anyone can respond, he appears from around the corner, heading toward the elevator. Kelsey reaches over to press the ‘hold open’ button, and the three interns stand in uncomfortable silence as she does. Devi and Aaron are on either side of Kelsey, who has pushed her way between them, and her arm is right in Devi’s neck as she presses the button.

“Um, thanks,” Ben says as he enters the elevator, standing beside Aaron and about as far away from Devi as possible.

“No problem,” Kelsey replies as the elevator starts to move. “So, anyone wanna get something to eat? There’s this really cute bagel shop around the corner from here.”

“Sure,” replies Aaron, “I could eat a bagel. Devi?”

Devi sees Ben’s face start to form into a scowl from across the elevator.

_What is this kid’s deal?_

“Uh, I was just gonna get a coffee and a sandwich from that cart Umar mentioned. I have to, uh, make a phone call anyway.”

“Ben, what about you?” Kelsey asks.

“Yea, I was just going to do the same as Devi.”

“Just you and me then,” Aaron says to Kelsey with a smirk. Devi feels a bit foolish, seeing him give Kelsey that look. Maybe she was misreading the signals. Maybe he hasn’t been into her at all. The elevator doors open and Kelsey and Aaron make their way out the front door, while Devi and Ben turn toward the coffee cart.

They stand in silence, not talking, as they wait in line to place their orders. As they’re waiting for their food, they make their way over to the coffee station. Devi starts piling cream and sugar into her cup. Ben smirks. As if this is a classic Devi move.

_Ugh, of course he would still remember how I take my coffee. Just to lord it over me._

Devi, without looking up, passes him two packets of sugar and a stir stick. Ben, a bit taken aback, accepts them and adds them to his coffee.

_Well, he’s not the only one. Take that._

Devi takes a seat on the window ledge, sipping her coffee, waiting for her number. Ben at first stands, unsure of what to do, and then takes a seat beside her, also sipping his coffee.

“So,” Devi starts, feeling a bit bitter over the coffee, and the files, and whatever the hell is going on between them, “how was Yale?”

“Oh,” Ben’s eyes go wide as he looks at Devi, and she ignores the way it makes her heart contract, “yea, it was good. Learned a lot.”

“Learned a lot? That’s the best you got Gross?” Devi laughs, but not maliciously. More like in fond memory. “What about parties? Friends? Clubs? Girls?”

“Oh, I mean sure, I did that too.”

“And?”

“I mean, good. It was all… good.”

They sit in silence again.

_Well, I tried._

“And, uh, Princeton?” Ben says, more to his cup of coffee than to Devi.

“Sorry?” Devi replies, a bit taken aback.

“How was, uh, Princeton? For you?”

“I never said I went to Princeton.”

His eyes dart up to meet hers. He freezes.

“Um, but, didn’t you? Go there?”

More silence.

“Okay, so I’m a bit confused here, Ben. Are we pretending we know each other or that we don’t? Because I really don’t know what to do with all this,” she motions broadly over Ben’s body, “that you’re givin' off here, bud.”

Ben chokes a bit on his coffee and Devi feels vindicated.

“Well, uh, I didn’t know- I didn’t want to- It could be uncomfortable-”

“Order number 451 for Devi?” The cashier calls out. Devi rolls her eyes and stands up to get her sandwich. She turns back to face him before she goes to the counter.

“You,” she points at him with a glare, “don’t move. I’m not finished with you yet.”

Ben’s eyes go wide and his Adam’s Apple bobs in his throat. He gives one quick nod, and Devi takes that as her cue to turn around and grab her sandwich. Ben’s order is then called, so he moves up to the counter beside her.

“I’m, uh, sorry?” Ben starts, obviously nervous, “I’m sorry if I, I dunno, offended you-”

“Shut up, Gross,” Devis says as she rolls her eyes. “Come on.” She makes her way over to a table beside the window. She sits down and looks up to see Ben standing there with his plate and coffee, unsure.

“Sit down, Ben,” she says with a resigned sigh.

_Who is this kid, and why is he acting like this?_

He does what he’s told and sits down. He takes a small bite of his sandwich and sits, chewing. Devi leans her chin on her hands and stares him down, as if studying him.

“What do you want, David?” Ben says, without much confidence.

“Ugh, for God’s sake, you know my name’s Devi.”

His face morphs into a shit-eating grin, which he directs at his cup of coffee.

“Didn’t answer my question,” he says, tiptoeing around being too forward and not forward enough.

“What I want, _Gross,_ is for you to explain what the hell is going on. Is there a reason you pretended like you didn’t know me this morning?” She's frustrated and tired of hiding it.

“Well, David, is there a reason that _you_ pretended that you didn’t know _me?_ ” He replies, snarkily. 

“Yea, Ben, because you stuck out your little baby hand and introduced yourself as if _you_ didn’t know _me._ ”

“Hey, I don’t have baby hands.”

“They’re very dainty and you can’t deny it.”

“I think they’re quite normal for a man my age and height-”

“Not the point. The point is that you pretended you didn’t know me and it made everything weird and I just want to know what’s up.”

“Really? That’s what made it weird? Okay, David.”

“Of course it is! What else could have made things so weird?”

Ben’s eyes shoot up to hers, and Devi feels the power shift. Like he’s daring her to say something.

_But what? What should I say? What am I missing?_

“Right, my bad, sorry then,” Ben replies as he looks her dead in the eyes.

“Great,” Devi says with a bit of a waver in her voice. She clears her throat. “Well, then. Now what? Everyone thinks we don’t know each other.”

“I mean, we don’t, really.”

Devi is startled.

“What do you mean we don’t know each other. Of course we do. We went to school together for like, 14 years.”

“And it’s not like we were ever friends. Then, we didn’t see each other for four years.”

Devi pauses. A bit hurt. “We weren’t friends?”

“Of course not," he says, looking down at his coffee cup. "We fought, like, all the time.” He's less afraid now and more… resigned.

Devi wants to fight him. It's in her nature. What about model UN in sophomore year? What about his birthday? What about-

_Malibu._

And at that moment, she knows she can’t say anything. He isn’t wrong.

_We were never friends._

“Right,” she replies.

“People change over four years, Devi. I figured, I didn’t know you then, and I didn’t want to presume to know you now. I don’t see why anything has to change.”

“Okay,” Devi replies with a sigh. “Right, nothing has to change.”

“So, we’re good? Just colleagues again? Ships passing in the night?”

“Yea, we’re good.” They eat their sandwiches in silence.

\------

“Wait, that’s it?” Eleanor asks, obviously knee-deep in this story.

“What do you mean, ‘that’s it’?” Devi replies, indignantly, “Of course that’s it.”

“What about after lunch?” Fab prompts, trying to be helpful.

“We did what we said we were gonna do. I called my mum to give her an update on my day. All of the interns just... worked. Kept filing away. Left at the end of the day.”

“No huge fights? A screaming match? Make out session?”

“What? No El, ew, gross.” Devi says, slightly flustered.

“Ew?” Fab asks, “Didn’t you and Ben-”

“And what about Aaron?” El asks, cutting Fab off and shooting her a pointed look. “Did you work with him again?” She inches closer to Devi.

“Uh, like, not really. We were all just filing for the rest of the day. I thought this was just supposed to be me recounting my day. Remember? ‘Normal conversation’?”

“Sure, right,” Eleanor resigns, noticing how Devi has closed herself off.

“Well, okay, great. How was your day, El?” Fab asks, not realizing the moment that had occurred.

“It was good. I think. The audition went pretty well. Wait! You won’t believe who I saw when I exited my audition.”

“Jimmy Fallon,” Devi suggests.

“Tony Hawk,” Fab offers.

“Madonna”

“Kristen Stewart”

“What, no, guys stop guessing you’re so far off base it’s not even funny,” Eleanor places her palm to her face, dramatically. “I saw… Paxton Yoshida-Hall.”

There’s silence.

“Uh, that’s great, El,” Devi replies, a bit confused.

“Yea I dunno I think it would’ve been more exciting if it was Tony Hawk.”

“Oh my god, this is so wasted on you both. This is the first time any of us has had a Paxton sighting in years!”

“Well, Devi and I only just moved to the city recently, to be fair, and I was kicked out of my apartment fairly early on,” Fab offers as an explanation.

“That is so not the point.”

“What is the point? Did you talk to him?” Devi asks, still confused.

“Ugh, of course not! That would be, like, a total betrayal.”

“Betrayal to who?” Fab asks, now also confused.

“To Devi, of course! He’s her ex! He, like, totally broke her heart in high school, only to profess his love for her, saying he’s transferring schools to be closer to her! That’s totally manipulative.”

“I mean, that's definitely not what happened, and I don’t feel manipulated. Plus, it was like, 4 years ago, and I never saw him again after prom night.”

“Well if Devi’s fine then I’m fine too,” Fab offers, trying to clear the air.

“Ugh, you two just don’t get it.”

“Yea, I really don’t. You know you can, like, talk to Paxton if you want, right El?” Devi asks.

“So, you’re telling me you truly have no hard feelings toward Paxton? No unresolved business?” El asks, skeptically.

“No, not really. I was in high school, we dated for like, a year. I mean I didn’t even lose my virginity to the dude. There wasn't ever anything... I dunno, big between us.”

“But he was your first love!” Eleanor screams, dramatically.

“Meh, I was pretty messed up back then, trying to cope with everything that was going on at home. The break up wasn’t even that big of a deal, looking back.”

“Wow, romance is lost on you both.”

“Hey, I know romance!” Fab defends, holding a pillow to her stomach.

“Right, of course you do, sorry Fab,” Eleanor says sincerely, rubbing her friend’s back.

“I’m just going through a bit of a rough patch right now.”

“Hey, no, you’ll be okay Fab,” Devi offers, resting her hand on Fabiola’s knee.

“Thanks guys. And thanks for letting me crash here. Honestly, if Liza hates having me around, I could go-”

“Liza will not mind you crashing on our couch, Fab. I swear. But I’ll text her tonight if it’ll make you feel better,” Eleanor offers.

“Sure, thanks,” Fab smiles.

“What are friends for? Now Devi,” El says, “spill the beans on this Aaron kid. I need all the details.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [title is from Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is from Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac]


	3. call my bluff, call you babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kuddos and comments already! I have way too much time on my hands right now so here is the next chapter. Thanks for reading!

There’s a pile of clothing all over the floor of Devi’s room. Fabiola has strategically decided not to walk past Devi’s room anymore and has firmly planted herself on the couch, already dressed for the day, and potentially wrinkling her clothes. However, this feels like the safest location in her estimation.

She hears another muffled scream as she sees a dress go flying out of Devi’s room and into the hall.

“Someone’s having a rough morning,” Eleanor says, her eyes peeking over the rim of her coffee mug as she makes eye contact with Fabiola. Her eyes have a glint in them that Fabiola can’t quite place.

Fabiola looks up at her friend. “I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it so…”

“Ugh, nothing _fits,_ ” another shirt goes flying, “or looks _right,_ ” a pair of tights follows, “and I hate _everything I own!_ ” Devi screams into the void.

Eleanor sighs. “Devi, sweetheart,” she says, still firmly planted in the living room, “everything alright in there?”

Devi emerges from her bedroom in the most random assortment of clothing, and Eleanor and Fabiola have to hold back a round of laughter once they see the look on Devi’s face.

“I have nothing to wear,” she says, her face in a scowl, as the blazer that was wrapped around her shoulders falls into a puddle on the ground.

“Well, now, we can fix that. What changed, though? I thought this weekend we were bragging about how prepared we are for professional office life?” Eleanor says with a lilt in her voice, smiling into her cup of coffee. It is moments like these Fabiola feels like she’s missing a crucial piece of information nobody has bothered to share with her.

“What changed is that I thought I had plenty of professional office clothing, but I’m trying everything on and I look so frumpy! And old!”

“I thought that was the point of professional clothing? To fit in with the workplace culture? Given that the majority of the office is much older than you, doesn’t this complete the desired purpose?” Fabiola knows that there’s something else going on here, but doesn’t know how to de-escalate this Devi situation.

Most times, Fabiola’s straightforward nature helps Devi work through her issues, just as Devi’s more blunt nature helps with Eleanor’s. Eleanor’s nurturing (if somewhat dramatic) advice tends to help Fabiola. It’s all very balanced. But, there are moments like these where Fabiola just can’t figure out what’s upsetting Devi and it irritates Fab, like a puzzle she can’t work out.

“I mean, I guess that's the point…” Devi continues, looking down at her outfit with a frown.

“I think what’s missing here is also looking desirable,” Eleanor says, still smiling into her coffee.

Fabiola thinks she’s finally picked up Eleanor’s meaning.

“Oh, right! For her like-in-age peers. Aaron, Ben…” Fab says with a confident tone, pleased she’s finally figured out the issue.

“What! No, that’s not it at all!” Devi proclaims.

Fabiola feels confused again, until she looks at Eleanor who is still smiling, as though she knows something Devi doesn’t. Which means that Fabiola _also_ knows something Devi doesn’t. With newfound confidence, Fabiola starts in again.

“… And of course, Kelsey. You want to look attractive to all your peers. So that they see you as competition.”

Eleanor looks over, slightly confused at Fabiola. Devi’s face lights up.

“Yes, that’s it exactly. I just want to look like fierce competition,” Devi says confidently. Eleanor’s eyes light up at Devi’s change in tone and she gives Fabiola a knowing grin.

“Guess we better get to work, then,” Eleanor says with glee, as she puts down her coffee and grabs the blazer from the floor to drape it over her shoulder, in one graceful movement. She walks straight into Devi’s bedroom without a second glance, and Fabiola can hear her start to dig through Devi’s closet.

Devi turns around with a slightly nervous look on her face and follows Eleanor into her bedroom. Fabiola realizes she will need to dive headfirst into the storm. She readies herself for action.

Once she’s inside Devi’s room and sees the true extent of the damage, she decides the safest location is cross-legged on Devi’s bed. Eleanor is tossing things into various piles, while Devi holds a collection of items.

“So, Devi,” Fabiola begins, “feeling good about your second day? There are only a few more days like this before you start school, right?”

“Uh, yea, I start next Monday, and then it's part-time at the firm,” Devi says through the pile of clothing she’s holding. Eleanor ushers her to start trying the pile on, and Devi moves into the corner, away from the window.

“Well then, we better make the most of it," Eleanor says confidently, looking at some boot options in Devi's closet.

"You feeling confident going into today?” Fab prods, hoping to find an in.

“I mean, I guess,” Devi says, shimmying into a skirt. Eleanor immediately shakes her head and motions for her to take it off, handing her a pair of pants instead.

“You guess, or you know?” Fabiola asks, not making any assumptions.

“I know. I guess. I don’t know!” Eleanor says, more to the roof than to anyone in the room, and Eleanor shakes her head with a knowing smile.

“Well, what are you feeling most nervous about? Maybe we can talk it through,” Fabiola offers, helpfully. She’s excellent at working through problems and finding solutions.

“Well, I dunno. There’s just… a lot of people that I have to work with. I’ve never been great with people,” Devi offers, buttoning up a blouse that Eleanor was dangling in her face five seconds prior.

“Hmm. Yes, _people._ ” Eleanor offers, trying to look serious and failing to hide her emotions.

“Well, when I’m nervous about making a good first impression,” Fab starts, pragmatically, “I often find being exceptionally nice works wonders.”

“Exceptionally nice?” Devi asks, skeptically, taking off the blouse at Eleanor’s request.

“Yes, Devi, being nice. Maybe you’ve heard of it?” Eleanor teases, which lands her with a blouse in the face.

“I know how to be nice,” Devi grumbles, shimmying her pants off and almost falling into her lamp in the process.

“If your co-workers feel you are on their side, I’ve noticed people are far more likely to help you achieve your shared goals.”

“On their side, eh?” Devi says thoughtfully as she stares down at the dress Eleanor has handed to her.

“Devi, that dress won’t try itself on,” Eleanor prods and gets flipped the bird in return.

“I mean, I can be nice. It’s not _that_ hard,” Devi says at her head pokes through the top of the dress.

“I’m sure you can,” Fab adds, hoping she’s steering Devi in the right direction.

“Yea, I mean, I’ve made friends before. You guys have stuck around anyway.”

“Regretfully so,” Eleanor says, laughing at Devi’s scowl as she hands her a pair of boots and a blazer.

“Yea yea okay, cool it, Wong. And thanks, Fab. I feel better already,” Devi says with a smile as Eleanor hands her a tube of red lipstick.

“And you look it too,” Eleanor says as she spins Devi around to look in her mirror.

“Holy smokes, Eleanor,” Devi gasps as she looks in the mirror. Eleanor prompts her to apply the red lipstick and so she does. When Devi’s finished, she looks good. Really good.

“You look great, Devi,” Fab says with a smile.

Devi’s wearing a navy cotton dress that hugs her in all the right places, black sheer tights, and black boots that make her legs look miles long. To top it off, Eleanor’s put her in a black, oversized blazed and some red lipstick, which always looks amazing on Devi.

“I feel great. Thank you, El. And thanks again, Fab, for the advice. I think I’ll try it.”

“Go get 'em, tiger,” Eleanor offers, giving Devi a jovial punch on the shoulder as she takes Devi’s hair out of its messy bun to fall around her face.

“Oh shoot, I really do have to go. I’ll see you both tonight!” Devi yells as she grabs her tote and throws the tube of lipstick in, grabbing her keys and running out the door.

They hear the door slam, and Eleanor goes to the living room to pick up her coffee, pleased with herself. Fabiola follows.

“So, you’re going into the office today?” Eleanor asks, looking skeptically at the pile of clothing in the hallways outside Devi’s door.

“Yea, I have things I can’t just do from your couch today,” Fab says, sheepishly, feeling guilty for taking up so much of their space.

“Well, that’s boring. Now I have nobody to bother all day,” Eleanor says with a pout.

“You can bother the customers at the coffee shop,” Fab says with a grin, as she starts to collect her computer bag.

“Ugh, that’s no fun. They just want things from me. All they do is take, take, take,” Eleanor says, as she collapses on the couch and drapes herself over it.

“Yea, they want things, like their coffee order, El,” Fab says, shaking her head in amusement. “Okay, I have to go too, but, uh, I will also see you tonight. If that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay Fab,” Eleanor says sincerely. “Liza never even replied to me so I’m sure she’s far too busy to care who is on the couch of the apartment she’s never in anymore.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Fab says with a smile. “okay really gotta go, goodbye!”

Eleanor hears the door click shut and collapses back on the couch, smiling at her stupid friends and how much she loves them both.

\-------

Devi walks into the building with her coffee in hand, boots clicking against the tile floor, feeling better than ever.

_I can be nice. What, like it’s hard?_

She lifts her chin higher and is about to wave her pass at the security guard when she remembers she needs to be nice to everyone, and not just the interns. She smiles and grabs her card out of her bag.

“Good morning,” she says politely, as she hands him her card.

“Good morning to you too… Devi,” the older gentleman replies as he reads her name off her card. “First week?”

She laughs. “That obvious?”

“No, not at all. I just tend to know most of the faces that pass through,” he says with a warm smile that eases Devi’s nerves.

“Well, hopefully, I make it through this week and you see a lot of mine too,” Devi says with a smile, genuinely feeling some warmth for this sweet old man.

“I’m sure you will. Now you have a nice day young lady.”

“You as well… I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.”

“The name’s Phillip, but you can call me Phil,” he says with a smile, which shows off his slightly crooked teeth. But the smile is filled with joy, and it only makes Devi like him more.

“Alright then, Phil, you have a great day as well.”

“Thank you, I’m sure I will.” He waves her through and Devi continues her path to the elevators feeling good about this plan already.

As she steps into the elevator, she hears someone call from behind her: “Hold the door, please!”

The door is almost shut, and normally, Devi would have probably let it close, saying it was too far gone or assuming the person was talking to someone else. But she was in a good mood today and turning over a new leaf. So, she quickly moves to press the open-door button at the same time as a long, well-dressed forearm sticks its way into the door.

“Oh, uh, hi Devi.”

Devi draws her eyes away from the strong arm to the voice that accompanies it and realizes she is looking right into Ben’s eyes.

_Ew, Devi, stop starring at Ben’s arm like a creep._

“Um, hi, Ben. Long time no see.”

_Long time no see? Are you an idiot? You literally saw him yesterday._

“Uh, yea,” he replies, the hand he used to open the elevator now rubbing the back of his neck, nervously. He’s looking at her, his pupils wide enough that she can barely see the blue of his eyes. “Thanks, for holding the door.” He motions to her hand, still pressing the open-door button.

“Oh, yea no problem,” she says, as Ben continues to stand there. “Do you, uh, wanna get in?”

“Oh, right!” he says quickly, squeezing in beside her, his face almost as red as Devi’s lipstick.

They both ride the elevator in silence.

Finally, Ben says something, and then clears his throat.

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that,” Devi says, quickly.

“I, uh, said you look nice today,” Ben says, his face blushing an even deeper red than before.

“Oh, uh, thank you,” Devi says smiling shyly. Internally, she's praising Eleanor for her phenomenal work this morning.

_Just be nice, Devi. Say something nice._

“You look nice too.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” he says smiling at her without showing his teeth. Devi suddenly has the urge to see a genuine smile from Ben Gross. She turns her head to face the doors.

“You know, I was thinking, about what you said yesterday,” Devi starts looking straight ahead, trying not to lose her cool.

“Uh, what did I say?” Ben says, sounding nervous.

“The part about us acting like ships passing in the night. I just, I don’t think that will work for me.”

“Oh. Um, okay,” Ben replies, his eyes also straight ahead now. Devi can feel his presence beside her and it’s slightly overwhelming.

“I just think it would be best for everyone if we were to turn over a new leaf. You know. Be friends.”

“…Friends?” Ben asks, skeptically, his eyes now firmly planted on the side of Devi’s face. She's working hard to keep her composure.

“Sure. Or at least, you know, friendly. We’re working together and I think it would benefit everyone to put the past behind us and be professional.”

“Oh, right, professional,” Ben replies, still staring at the side of Devi’s face.

“So, friends?” Devi says as she turns her face to him, using all of her remaining confidence to stick out her hand in a truce.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Friends.” Ben takes her hand in his and shakes it. They’re staring into each other’s eyes, still shaking hands, when the elevator door opens. They drop their hands quickly, and Ben steps back, motioning for Devi to exit in front of him.

“Uh, thank you,” she says with a smile, and she hears him let out his breath behind her as if he had been holding it until she left the elevator. They fall into step as they walk towards their workspace, smiling politely at the people already in their offices as they walk past.

The boxes of files are still strewn across the office, and Devi realizes there’s no point in putting off the inevitable. She grabs a box, resuming her work from the day before.

“Need a hand with those?” Ben asks, sheepishly, as he sits across from her.

“Yea, that’d be nice, thanks.” Devi smiles at him and hands him a stack. 

“Hitting the stacks already, I see,” Aaron says as he enters the room, putting his briefcase on his chair as he shimmies out of his blazer, his shoulder muscles clearly visible underneath his dress shirt.

_Stop gawking at your coworkers Devi!_

“No time like the present,” Devi replies with a smile as she continues to highlight her pages.

“Well then, wouldn’t want to fall behind you two,” Aaron replies, stealing some of Ben’s stack to take to his own workspace. This causes Ben to glower at Aaron’s back, which makes Devi snort. Ben looks at her, and his frown turns into a chuckle as he grabs the top of Devi’s stack.

“Hey, I was gonna get to those!” Devi says indignantly. Ben smiles at her, this time showing all of his perfect teeth, and Devi sticks her tongue out at him in retaliation. This causes Ben to smile even wider, and Devi can feel her heart expand.

Kelsey enters the room with a chipper “Good morning!” She’s got a spring in her step and since Devi is in a good mood, she smiles and replies back with her own morning greeting.

“I’m going to grab another box of files from the storage room, anybody need any?” Kelsey asks, shrugging off her coat and tying her hair up with a pencil.

_I could never do that. She’s so effortless it’s unfair._

Devi catches her attitude, and in direct defiance with her own internal monologue, she replies, “Sure, I could use some. All of mine seem to be disappearing.” She gives Ben a pointed look, and he smirks into his pages, not looking up, but definitely registering her remark.

Kelsey and Devi head into the storage room, searching for a box that hasn’t been sorted yet.

“So, how was your night? Get up to anything fun?” Kelsey asks, scanning the walls with her eyes.

“No, just spent the evening with my roommates. Same old, same old. How about you?” Devi replies, piling the boxes of sorted files in one corner to make the process smoother.

“That sounds nice. I don’t have any roommates. Yet, anyway. My sister is supposed to move in with me this month, but until then it’s just a lot of Netflix and ice cream.”

“That sounds nice though,” Devi offers, “and at least she’ll be here soon, I hope? It must be nice to be so close to your sister.”

“It is. We’re actually twins, so we’ve sort of been attached at the hip since birth. Well, except we went to different high schools but came back together for university. I’ve kind of gotten used to never being without her. I'm sorry I'm totally babbling," Kelsey replies, chuckling nervously as she continues sorting.

“Oh no it's cool. I've always wanted a twin. Are you identical?” Devi brushes some of the dust of one of the cabinets and sneezes.

“Gesundheit. And no, fraternal. We don’t actually even look that much alike, aside from the basics most siblings share. What about you? Any siblings?”

“No, just me. I have a cousin that lived with us for a bit in high school, which is the closest I’ve ever gotten.”

“That’s nice though, that you’re close with your extended family.”

“Yea, it is.” Devi smiles as she finds a box of unfiled papers. It's starting to feel like Kelsey wasn’t so bad. This being nice thing has its perks.

“I found a box, wanna share?” Devi asks Kelsey, who turns and smiles in response.

“That’d be great, thanks. Maybe we should’ve organized as we went,” she chuckles, as she meekly kicks the corner of a box with the tip of her shoe.

“You’re not wrong there,” Devi laughs and brings the box back into their shared office space.

“Found some?” Aaron asks, peering into the box, and Kelsey jokingly swats him away.

_What’s that about?_

Devi raises her eyebrow and looks toward Ben, who’s giving her a similar look.

“Yes, Devi did,” Kelsey replies, putting herself between Aaron and the box, “so at least let her take some before you swoop in.”

“Oh Devi, you miracle worker,” Aaron slings his arm over Devi's shoulder and gives her a grin that could turn Devi’s knees to jello. He really is attractive. But instead, Devi looks at Ben, who’s giving her an unreadable expression.

“It’s no problem, really,” Devi says, smiling politely at Aaron.

_Exceptionally nice. Be exceptionally nice._

“You can take some if you want.”

“Oh Devi,” replies Aaron, his hand to his heart, swooning dramatically, “you really know how to drive a guy bonkers.”

“Yea, okay hotshot,” Devi says, a playful tone to her voice, but she rolls her eyes and moves out from under his arm to grab some files for herself. Ben is still giving her that unreadable expression.

“Got enough files there, Ben?” Devi asks, motioning to his skyscraper of folders, mostly stolen from Devi. He gives her a shit-eating grin and her heart flip-flops.

_That’s better._

“I think I’ll be fine, David.”

“David?” Kelsey asks, looking up from the file box she’d been grabbing papers from.

“Devi, I meant Devi,” he replies, trying to cover his tracks. Devi tries to hold back her laughter.

“Woah, Ben, not cool. You should never get a lady’s name wrong,” Aaron replies, leaning back in his chair which he’s moved closer to their side of the room.

“It’s not that-”

“I’m sure it was an accident, right Ben?” Kelsey defends, giving Ben a kind smile. Devi doesn't like that she's looking at Ben like that and kind of wants to rip it off her face.

_Woah. What’s that about? Exceptionally nice, remember Devi?_

Ben stutters: “Uh, yeah, right. An accident.” Ben’s face is getting crimson, and although she’s never really been fond of Ben calling her David before, she’s feeling defensive of him now.

“It’s fine, really. I’m used to it,” Devi says to Kelsey, flicking her pencil at Ben for good measure.

“Ouch, that was my forehead,” Ben replies, rubbing the spot where the eraser bounced off of his face.

“Now we’re even,” Devi says, giving him her own shit-eating grin.

“You’re used to people calling you David?” Aaron asks, still leaning perilously far back in his chair.

“Um, David specifically? I guess not,” Devi says, realizing the position she’s put herself in.

“Do people get your name wrong a lot?” Kelsey asks, sympathetically.

“No, it’s really not that bad. My last name, now that messes people up. It can get a bit frustrating for sure.”

“I didn’t know that,” Ben replies. The look he’s giving Devi has a bit of sadness she’s not used to seeing on his face. Never for her, anyway.

This is the boy that competed with her relentlessly, never treating her any differently when her dad passed or when she was in a wheelchair for three months. She’s not used to that look on his face and she doesn’t want to see it anymore.

“It’s really fine, I swear,” she replies, hoping to change the subject.

“I mean, why would you?” Aaron asks, looking up from the file he’d been working on. At some point, he migrated over to the empty desk just across from Devi, which Devi doesn’t remember happening.

“Why would I be fine?” Devi asks, confused.

“Nah, why would Ben know that.” Aaron gives Ben a look, which again, she can’t read.

_Why is everybody being so weird today?_

“Um-” Ben is about to give some fake answer but Devi's frustrated with all of these attacks on Ben. This is her business, not theirs. 

“Cause we went to high school together,” Devi interjects.

Now Aaron, Kelsey, and Ben are all looking at her with three separate looks on their face. Ben, surprised, Kelsey also surprised but also excited, and Aaron as though he's studying her. She doesn't like it.

“No way, you never mentioned it yesterday,” Kelsey adds.

“I mean, we were just classmates,” Devi explains, and looks back at her work, comparing her pile of completed files to Ben’s, not wanting to fall behind. She’s been chatting too much.

“You didn’t act like you knew each other,” Aaron adds, giving Ben that weird look again.

_Why is he pushing this?_

Before Ben can get a word out, Devi interjects: “I mean, I didn’t think it was that weird, did you, Ben? Everything good between us?”

“Uh, no, we’re good,” Ben says, slightly confused and a bit flustered.

“Great. Now that that’s settled, Kelsey, can you toss me another yellow highlighter? This one’s almost done.”

“Sure.”

Aaron gives her that quizzical look again and Devi pointedly ignores it. 

_That wasn't exceptionally nice, Devi. Get it together._

They continue working, each keeping to themselves. 

More and more interns come into the space, separating Ben and Devi from Aaron and Kelsey again. Devi notices that Ben’s pile is growing slightly larger than hers, and so she grabs a file off of his pile.

“Hey,” Ben says quietly, showing his indignation.

“Snooze you lose,” Devi replies, smiling at her page.

“I mean, if anyone’s snoozing here it’s you. I’ve filed way more than you.”

“Have not,” Devi replies, even though it's completely false.

“Have too,” Ben replies, grabbing another file and trying to highlight, but the ink comes out feeble. “Shoot.”

“Now I’ve got you, Gross,” Devi replies in retaliation, still whispering, grabbing another folder and getting to work.

“Ugh,” Ben sighs as he pushes his chair away from his desk to go find another highlighter.

“Drama queen,” Devi says, which makes Ben stick his tongue out at her. “What are you, five?” Devi asks, no malice in her words.

“Great, so now I have baby hands _and_ I'm five?” Ben asks, swiping a highlighter from one of the other various desks in the room.

“At least you don’t have to worry about wrinkles anytime soon,” Devi says in consolation, and receives a dead highlighter being thrown at her shoulder in return. “Ouch!”

“You deserved that one,” Ben says, smiling at his paper.

“Yea, okay, maybe I did. But look who’s winning now, Gross.” Ben looks at her stack and then looks Devi dead in the eye, giving her a look that she knows all too well. Game on.

They spend the morning competing with each other over who can sort the fastest, falling right back into their old ways from high school.

_Yea, I could get used to this whole being friends thing._

They keep it up until lunchtime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ title is from Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is from It's Nice to Have a Friend - Taylor Swift ]


	4. there are no words in the english language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost finished mapping out the rest to this fic! This is my first fic on Ao3 (and my first multichapter I actually intend on seeing through thank you very much) so that you for all the kind words and kudos already. 
> 
> On that note, this is going to be a long ride, so thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy. Here is some Eleanor and Fabiola content because I love these two so much and I just want them to be happy.

Eleanor only has five more minutes left of her shift at the Green Beanery, but it feels more like five hours. She just wants to go home, put her feet up, and binge watch _Jane the Virgin_.

“Welcome to the Green Beanery, what can I get you?” Eleanor says, more to the ceiling than the customer in front of her, caring less and less about being a polite employee.

“Eleanor?”

At hearing her name, Eleanor directs her gaze to the very tall, very well-built customer in front of her.

“Paxton?” Ugh. Eleanor couldn’t believe her luck. Could this day get any worse?

“Yea! Long time no see. How are you doing?”

“Um, fine I guess. What are you doing here?”

“Getting a coffee. And also seeing you apparently, which is an unexpected treat.”

“Treat? Are you--” Eleanor’s next insult is cut off by a pointed cough from behind her. “Oh right, shoot. What can I get you?”

“Uh, I’ll just get a small cold brew, black, light ice,” Paxton replies and pulls out his wallet from his back pocket. Ugh. Why is it so hot when guys do that? Eleanor is frustrated by her own mind.

“That everything?” He nods. “$3.70.” He puts his card in the reader and starts punching in numbers.

“You know, we should catch up some time. When do you get off?” he asks.

“Eleanor, finish up with that customer and then get outta here. Adam’s here to take you off,” her coworker says behind her. Eleanor curses internally.

“Right now, actually,” Eleanor says, frustrated by the turn of events.

“No way. You free? Wanna have a coffee? My treat.”

Eleanor has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She works here, she doesn’t need his free coffee. But then she remembers Devi’s laisse-faire attitude from the night before. Maybe she’s making a bigger deal out of this than she needs to. Eleanor knows she can be a touch dramatic.

So, she agrees.

“Sure, why not,” she says as she grabs a cup of hot water from behind the counter and puts in a teabag. “But I’ve got my own drink, don’t worry about it.”

She moves out from behind the counter and pulls off her apron.

“I just need to grab my stuff from the back. Do you wanna, uh, grab us a table?” Eleanor asks, holding her tea in one hand and her apron in another.

“Sure,” Paxton replies, grabbing her tea with a smile and taking it over to a table by the window, alongside his coffee. She ignores the fact that it’s her favourite seat in the shop.

When she’s gone to the bathroom and comes back out, she sees Paxton’s wearing glasses, and… reading a book? That’s a plot twist.

“Oh, sorry,” Paxton says as he puts the book in his bag and takes off his glasses. “I feel like classes have only just started again and I’m already behind.”

“You’re still in school then, I take it?” Eleanor asks, taking a seat and putting her hands around her mug, letting the heat radiate into her skin.

“Yea, probably not what you expected,” he laughs in a self-deprecating way.

“I mean, not my first guess maybe. What are you studying?”

“I’m doing my Bachelor of Education.” He gives her a meek smile.

“No way. Who would’ve thought, Paxton Hall-Yoshida: gym teacher,” Eleanor says, a teasing lilt in her voice.

“Not a gym teacher actually. Or entirely, I should say. I’m hoping to teach middle school.”

“Wow, that’s great Paxton. What brought that on? Have you always wanted to be a teacher?” Eleanor asks. Devi never mentioned _that_ before.

“Not until pretty recently, actually. I got to study at NYU through a swimming scholarship and had no clue what to do. I, uh, transferred after my first year at Los Angeles Valley.”

“What brought that on, anyway?” Elanor asks, trying to piece together pieces of his conversation with Devi all those years back. Put all the pieces of this Paxton puzzle together.

“I got spotted at a swim meet and was asked if I’d ever considering university. I hadn’t, really. Everyone in my family has gone through community college and it seemed good enough for them. But, uh, I figured it might be a good opportunity. To do something my mum and dad hadn’t.”

“I get that. It’s a cool opportunity, why pass it up?” Eleanor offers, taking a sip of her tea.

“Yea, exactly. While I was in undergrad, I wasn’t really sure what to study. So, I started taking English and Psychology. Got roped into volunteering with some literacy circles. Thought it would be a good way to meet chicks, honestly.” He laughs at himself, and Eleanor appreciates how honest he is. It’s refreshing.

“Then what? What ended up screaming, ‘I wanna be a teacher!’ to you?” Eleanor asks, her curiosity peaking.

“Honestly, it was when I realized I was going to literacy circles to help the kids and not to meet girls. I was really enjoying it and I felt like I was making a difference. So, I decided to stick it out. And here I am.” He smiles at Eleanor and takes a sip of his cold brew.

“What about you, what have you been up to? You went to Tisch, right?” Paxton asks.

“Oh, yea. I’m surprised you remembered,” Eleanor says, taken aback.

“I remember more than you might think I do,” Paxton teases, and Eleanor’s heart skips a beat.

Oh no.

“Yea, well, you know. It was good! I went through the program. Learned a ton, actually. Uh, what else… I found an apartment nearby… Now I’m just auditioning and hoping to break in somehow.” Eleanor is preparing for the fight everyone gives her. The unhelpful suggestion that she moves into a more lucrative field.

“Well, I’m sure you will, Eleanor. You’re very talented.”

Okay. Not what she was expecting.

“Yea, like you know anything about my talent,” Eleanor says, rolling her eyes playfully.

“Like I said, I remember more than you might think I do,” Paxton says, a glint in his eye that makes Eleanor want to take off her panties right here in this coffee shop.

Oh _no._

“Well, you haven’t seen me lately. I’m even better than you remember,” Eleanor replies, trying to ignore the tingling sensation throughout her body.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” he smiles and takes another sip. “So,” he continues, “how is everyone? Do you still keep in touch with anyone from school?”

Eleanor’s heart sinks. Of course. _Devi_. How could she forget.

“Uh, yea. I actually live with… Devi. And Fabiola, for now anyway.”

“No way, that’s awesome. It’s great that you managed to stay close throughout all these years.”

“Yea, it’s nice. We were never that far from each other.”

“I’m jealous. I barely see Trent anymore. He’s still back in California.”

“But you still see him? How’s he doing?” Eleanor asks, grateful to change the subject away from Devi.

“He’s doing well. Finally moved out of his mum’s place and has a gig working at a bar. Seems to pay well, and he likes it.”

“That’s amazing, good for him,” Eleanor says sincerely. It’s nice to know he’s doing well.

“How about Fabiola? How’s she?”

“Oh, could be worse. She’s working at some amazing start-up, doing amazingly smart things. She is so crazy smart it boggles my mind sometimes.” Eleanor beams as she says all this. It’s clear on her face how much she loves and admires her friend. Paxton smiles at this.

“That’s so cool. I’ll have to catch up with her sometime. What about her and that girl she was dating in high-school?” He takes another sip.

“Eve? Oh my god, they broke up like, way long ago. Prom night, actually.”

“Oh, too bad.”

“Yea, but it seemed amicable. They were just going to be too far away from each other. But she was seeing someone else pretty recently.”

“Was?” Paxton asks, already expecting the worst.

“Yea, they broke up.”

“Shoot, that sucks. She doing alright?”

“Considering. They’d just found a place together in the city, which is the tough part.”

“Hence the Fabiola living with you bit.”

“Yea, she’s always got a welcome spot on our couch,” Eleanor jokes.

“That’s really nice of you Eleanor,” Paxton says sincerely.

“Oh my gosh no, not even. She would do it for me in a heartbeat. Probably already has in a million other little ways.”

“I wish I had friends as close as you guys are,” Paxton says, still smiling, but there’s a sadness there.

“Yea, I’m really lucky to have her and Devi.”

Shoot.

She fucked up.

“How is Devi, anyway?” Paxton asks, and Eleanor starts kicking herself internally.

“She’s… good. She’s starting at Columbia in a couple of days.”

“That’s so awesome. She’s always been a smart one. Good for her,” Paxton replies. He sounds… genuine.

“Yea, it is.” Eleanor doesn’t know how to steer this conversation.

“What’s she studying?” Paxton asks, no stress in his tone.

“She’s going to Law School,” Eleanor replies, feeling uneasy but not letting it show. She’s an actor, after all.

“Yea, that sounds like Devi. Good for her. Glad to hear she’s doing well.”

“She is, she really is.” Eleanor is waiting. Waiting for him to ask if Devi’s single. Waiting for the drama.

But he doesn’t.

“So. What about you, Eleanor? Any boy drama in your life?”

Well now. That was unexpected.

“Uh, no, not really. I was seeing some guy from Tisch for a while but it didn’t really work out,” she says, casually.

“Well, that’s his loss. Do you mind if I ask how come?” The look he’s giving her is so open and genuine. She doesn’t normally like to dwell on her own issues, but he seems so sincere. So, she continues.

“I dunno. He was, like, really competitive. And not in a fun way. It felt like I wasn’t allowed to succeed around him.”

“Oh man, that’s so wrong. You should never have to hold yourself back for someone else.”

“Right? Like, can I get some support over here? Glad to know I’m not the crazy one,” Eleanor jokes, sipping the last of her tea.

“You’re really not. A relationship should go both ways. Lifting each other up. A balance.”

“Yes, exactly! Wait. When were you born?” Eleanor blurts out, without thinking.

“Uh, end of September, why?” He sips the last of his cold brew, unphased by the switch in direction.

“That makes so much sense. You’re such a Libra.”

“Uh, thanks, I think.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. It’s a total compliment. I love Libras. Very underrated sign.”

“Right, well then, thanks, for real.”

“You’re welcome, for real.” Eleanor is smiling. She can’t remember the last time she smiled like this with someone who wasn’t Devi or Fabiola. Not fake. Just genuinely enjoying someone’s company.

“Hey, um, are you, maybe hungry?” Paxton asks, rubbing the back of his neck as he does.

Eleanor, without thinking, responds. “I could eat. Why?”

Paxton smiles at her, his hand now resting on the table. He has great hands.

“There’s this really cool restaurant not far from here. I was hoping to try it out. Wanna go?”

Eleanor now realizes she needs to think very carefully about what to do next. Not do something she’ll regret.

But…

She really _is_ hungry, and she _is_ enjoying Paxton’s company. Fabiola and Devi always have to work during the day, and it would be nice to have somebody to eat with. _And_ Devi did say her and Pax are in the past. So…

“Yea, that’d be nice.” He smiles at her and she can feel her heart glow.

She’ll worry about that later.

\-------

Fabiola’s on the couch, waiting for someone to get home, and desperately hoping it won’t be Liza.

Fabiola has shit luck lately.

Liza walks into the apartment, looks around, and spots Fabiola on the couch, perched uncomfortably. 

“Oh, hi! Francesca, right?”

“Uh, Fabiola actually. Hi.” She waves, awkwardly. “Sorry, am I in your way?” Fabiola is feeling like she really shouldn’t be here.

“Not at all. Is Eleanor here? I kind of wanted to talk with her.”

“Uh, no, I think she might still be at work.” Fabiola looks at the clock on the TV stand. It’s 6:00. A bit late for Eleanor to be at work still.

“No worries, can you have her give me a call when she comes in? I have to go.”

“So soon?” Fab is curious now.

“Yea… Um, like, maybe don’t tell her anything because I really wanna tell her myself, but Connor, my boyfriend, asked if I wanted to move in with him. Since, I’m there like, all the time anyway.”

“Oh, wow, that’s nice.” Fabiola feels like she’s intruding on somebody else’s business and she doesn’t like it.

“I mean, I’m only telling you because you’ve been crashing here like, what, almost a month now?”

Fabiola’s back straightens. She really doesn’t like confrontation and hopes she hasn’t overstepped.

Liza continues. “I just thought, since you’re here anyway, that maybe you’d wanna take my room? I’d just feel so much better about leaving if I wasn’t completely ditching Eleanor and her friend and leaving her with the rent, ya know?”

Fabiola realizes that Liza doesn’t even know Devi’s name. Devi’s been living here for at least four months now. She’s offended on her friend’s behalf, but she’s also starting to feel hopeful. She crushes it down. She doesn’t like getting her hopes up.

“Oh, yea, I mean, I’d be happy to, but I don’t know how Eleanor or Devi feel. You should ask them.”

“Of course, obviously. Just wanted to float the idea. Anyway, I do really need to go. Connor and I have reservations, to celebrate, ya know? If you see Eleanor, tell her to give me a call, kay? Bye!”

The door slams shut, and Fabiola is left on the couch, alone again.

A couple of minutes pass, and then the door opens once more.

“Hunnies, I’m ho-ome,” Devi says with a sing-song voice as she enters the living room. “Or only one hunny, I guess. Where’s Eleanor?”

“Beats me. But, uh, Liza just left.”

“No shit. How’s she doing?” Devi throws off her blazer and sits down on the couch, kicking her boots off as she does. Fabiola watches one of them go flying and almost hit the TV screen. “Oops,” Devi adds, not very apologetically.

“Uh, fine I think. She told me not to tell Eleanor but…”

“Hold that thought. If there’s tea to be spilled I need a drink. Want one?”

“Sure, I’ll take whatever I have in there.”

Devi grabs two beers from the fridge – a Corona for her and a Guinness for Fab, and sits back down on the couch. They clink their drinks and take a sip. It’s a tradition they share – nobody talks until after the first sip.

“Okay, I’m ready. Commence the spilling.” Devi prompts, stretching her toes.

“It’s just that she said that she wants to move out. Or actually, in. With her boyfriend.”

“No shit. Good for her. She was basically living there anyway.”

Fabiola furrows her brows. “You’re not concerned?”

“Why should I be?” Devi asks, sipping her beer with a confused look on her face.

“Well, that means you have to find a new roommate.”

“Oh. Yea. Shit.” They both take a sip. Eleanor in contemplation and Fabiola uncomfortably.

“Wait, that’s like, the biggest nonproblem ever. Why don’t you just move in?”

“Really?” Fabiola asks.

Here’s the thing. She knows that Devi is her best friend. Eleanor too. But she always assumed that she wasn’t theirs. Not since high school, anyway. Eleanor made all these big-city friends and Devi has all of her Princeton friends. Fabiola’s never been as close with anyone as she is with Devi and Eleanor, except for a string of ex-girlfriends and getting close with a couple of fellow classmates she barely talks to anymore.

“I mean if you want to. I just assumed since you’d been living here for the past month that it’d be a no brainer,” Devi offers. “There’s nobody else Eleanor and I would rather live with.”

“Really? You want to live with me?” Fabiola says again, starting to feel touched and holding herself back. She can’t get her hopes up.

“Yes, really. God, what kind of question is that Fab? You’re our best friend, of course we want you to live with us.” She puts her arm around Fab’s shoulder and pulls her in closer.

“Are you sure you don’t want to live with one of your Princeton buddies? Or maybe someone from Eleanor’s program?” Her voice is muffled since her face is squished into Devi’s shoulder.

“You saw how well that worked with Liza,” Devi jokes. “But seriously Fab, what’s with you? Of course we’d rather live with you. She-who-shall-not-be-named really did a number on you, didn’t she?”

Fabiola winces into Devi’s shoulder. She hopes Devi didn’t feel it. She did.

“Oh Fab,” Devi says as she releases her grasp on her friend so that she can look Fab in the eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize--”

“No no, it’s fine. I guess I’m just thinking about how few people I have in my life compared to you two.”

“As if I have people in my life. I’m an absolute mess. I haven’t had a serious boyfriend since high school. It’s just been a string of lousy dates and one-night stands. Sure, I’ve made some other friends, but you’re still my number one, Fab. Always will be. Capice?

Fabiola nods her head and tries to hold back tears. She doesn’t feel like she deserves Devi in her life, but boy is she glad she has her.

“Now, I’m hungry and I want tacos,” Devi announces, standing up and clapping her hands together.

“You want tacos every Tuesday,” Fab jokes, grateful for the change of subject and the second to compose herself.

“That’s because Taco Tuesday is a time honoured tradition that must be relished. I’m gonna go get changed into something comfier and then I’m getting tacos. Want in?”

“Yea, I could eat a taco,” Fab shrugs.

“A taco? Like you won’t eat five.” Devi looks at her and grins.

“Okay, I could eat five tacos,” Fab grins back.

“Better. Now where the fuck is Eleanor?” Devi looks at the clock. “Holy shit is it actually 6:30? Didn’t her shift end at, like, 4:00?”

“I don’t remember. Maybe she’s working late tonight?”

“El never works past 5:00. It goes against her ‘day-job code’ or something. I'll text her.”

She types something into her phone and then tosses it on the couch beside Fab.

“Okay, I’m going to go change my clothes. She has until 6:45 and then hunger wins over friendship,” Devi says as she walks into her bedroom, kicking the clothes piled at her door into her room.

“Should we just call her?” Fab asks as she picks out an outfit from one of her suitcases, still perched in the living room.

“What if she’s making out with some hot barista boy? That’d be a total mood killer.”

“Alright we’ll wait for her text I guess.”

By 6:50, she still hasn’t responded, and Devi texts Eleanor again letting her know their whereabouts. They wander out of the apartment and wander a couple of blocks over to their favourite taco place. They’re almost at the shop when Devi grabs Fabiola’s arm and pulls her down behind a car.

“Ouch, Devi, what the fu--“

“Look! But be sneaky, okay?”

Fabiola isn’t sure how to do that, so she turns around and sticks her head out from behind the car.

“I don’t know what I’m looking for,” Fabiola says honestly.

“Across the street, by that ice cream shop. Is that not Eleanor?”

Fabiola squints her eyes to see across the street. It’s not dark yet, but it’s starting to get there and Fabiola is having a hard time seeing anything. Then, she sees her.

“Yea, I think you’re right. Who’s she standing with? Is that ice cream?” she ducks her head back down and looks at Devi. “Can we get ice cream?”

“Oh, I could be down. Wait! Not the point. I need to look again. Cover me.”

Fabiola, unsure how to cover her, does nothing as Devi pokes her head out from behind the car, pulling her hood over her head. She ducks back down behind the car, making a face Fab can’t read.

“I know who it is,” Devi says, her tone resolute and very intrigued. Like she knows something juicy.

“Who is it?” Fab asks, elbowing Devi in the side as she does.

“I’d know that build anywhere. That’s Paxton.”

“Your ex-boyfriend Paxton?” Fabiola asks, confused.

“The one and only.” Devi sits down on the sidewalk behind the car, and Fab joins her. They’d be getting weird looks if this wasn’t Brooklyn.

“But that doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t Eleanor dislike Paxton?”

“Yes, for some unknown reason.” Devi gasps. “Do you think they’re secretly dating?”

“Why would she be dating Paxton? Doesn’t that go against the girl code _she_ made _us_ sign in the 11th grade? Plus, she hates him.”

“Fab, that’s like, the hottest beginning to a love story ever. Enemies to lovers anyone?”

“That’d be like me saying you should date Ben,” Fab counters, rolling her eyes.

“What? Why would you say that? I don’t like Ben.” Devi snaps far more quickly than Fab thought possible.

“I know Devi, that was the point? What’s your issue?”

Devi’s scowl turns into a look of relief. “Oh, right, yea. Ha ha good one. But this is totally different. More like…. Forbidden love.”

“Why is it forbidden? Is Paxton dating someone?” Fabiola asks as Devi peers out from behind the car again, this time, staying seated and going out sideways.

“Okay, the coast is clear. The eagle is leaving the nest.” Devi stands back up, brushing herself off, but looking in the direction of Paxton and Eleanor’s retreating figures.

“I don’t get it. If she were actually dating Paxton, she would tell us. Maybe they just ran into each other,” Fab offers, brushing herself off as well and waiting for Devi to show any signs of movement.

“And then proceed to get ice cream? Yea, I don’t think so. Something’s fishy here.”

“Are we still getting tacos? Cause I’m getting pretty hungry and I can smell them from here.”

“Oh, yea, let’s go.” Devi peels her eyes away from the direction of their apartment and walks with Fabiola into the taco shop. They’re placing their order when Fabiola asks a follow-up question.

“Would you really be that okay with it? If Eleanor and Paxton were dating?”

Devi looks at Fabiola and then looks away, as if contemplating the question.

“Yea, if it made them happy, I think that’d make me happy too.”

“I think it’d be pretty weird if you or Eleanor dated one of my exes, is all,” Fab adds, grabbing her order from the counter and thanking the worker.

“Well, I think that’d be pretty weird too, seeing as Eleanor and I are straight. Or I am anyway. Not making any assumptions about Eleanor.”

“You know what I mean.” The door jingles as they exit the shop, taking their takeout back to the apartment.

“Well, I think it’d be more like if one of us started to date Eve, but if you and Eve had never actually been in love with each other.”

“You weren’t in love with Paxton?” Fabiola asks, surprised.

“I mean, I thought I was. But I don’t know, looking back, I kind of wonder if that’s actually what love is supposed to be like.”

“I know I was in love with Eve,” Fab adds with certainty. And a bit of remorse, if she thinks too hard about it.

“And that’s how you know it was real,” Devi says with a smile as she hip bumps her friend.

“I just think it’s important to talk about since there’s a very real possibility that Paxton will be in the apartment when we get back.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. Fuck, I look like trash,” Devi says, sighing into the sky.

“I thought you were over him?” Fabiola asks, tentatively.

“I am, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to look hot and win the break-up!”

“Devi, not everything is a competition,” Fab adds, laughing. She’s glad her friend isn’t bothered by this.

“That’s what a loser would say,” Devi grins, as she stops on the front steps of their walk-up. “Now, hold this while I fluff my hair.” Devi hands Fabiola her bag of tacos while she takes her hair out of its messy bun and tries to tame some of the frizz with her hands. “Do I look alright?”

“Considering,” Fab adds, jokingly.

“Har har. Gimme my tacos,” Devi adds with a fake grumpy tone.

They walk into the apartment, and Devi calls out: “Eleanor? You home? Wearing pants?” Devi walks around the corner and drops her bag of tacos on the kitchen counter, spotting Eleanor.

“Uh, yeah, I’m wearing pants. Weirdo. Hello to you too.” Eleanor is pouring herself a glass of water and gives Devi a weird look.

“Just checking. We didn’t get you any tacos.” She sits herself down at the island, ripping open her bag.

“It’s all good, I already ate.”

“Too busy to check your phone though,” Devi adds, biting into a hard-shell taco and sending the shell bits flying.

“Huh?” Eleanor pulls out her phone and checks the screen. “Oh, sorry. I guess I missed these.”

“Guess so,” Devi says, squinting her eyes at Eleanor.

“What’s with that look? Why is she being so weird?” Eleanor asks, directing the last question at Fab, who’s just come out of the bathroom and is now sitting beside Eleanor, opening her own bag of take-out.

“Weirder than usual?” Fab counters, grabbing a taco.

“Hey!” Devi yells through a mouth full of taco.

“Fair point,” Eleanor counters, raising herself up so she’s sitting on the kitchen counter facing them. “So, Devi. How was your day?”

“Fine.” She swallows. “Oh, Fab, I took your advice. I was exceptionally nice today.”

“Oh, and how’d that go?” Fab asks, wiping her mouth with a napkin from the bag.

“You know, it wasn't terrible. I only wanted to murder Ben like, five million times. Which is five million less than usual!”

“Sounds productive, then,” Eleanor adds.

“Oh yea, we all had productive days, right Fab?” Devi adds, giving Fab a pointed look.

“Sure. Oh wait, Eleanor, Liza was here.”

“Oh yeah? What’d she want?”

“She said she wanted to tell you herself.”

“Well now I’m nervous! Do you think it’s bad?”

“Nah,” Devi adds, “She just wants to move out.”

“Devi!” Fab gasps. She should be surprised by her friend’s lack of tact, but she also should have expected it after all these years.

“Oh my god that’s all? I’m surprised she hadn’t already to be honest. I’ll call her in the morning. Fab, do you have any more stuff you need to move out of Voldemort’s place? I dunno how much Liza will be taking, but we could go get you a bed when she splits.”

“Huh?” Fab adds, confused by the sudden shift of the conversation.

“And just like that, the three amigos became roommates! The stuff of our adolescent dreams,” Devi adds, with a fist pump in the air.

“I’ll ask her what she’s taking when I call her. Maybe you can just buy her furniture off of her, Fab, that’d be like, so much easier.”

“Just like that? I’m your roommate?” Fab is a touch overwhelmed, and for the first time in a long time, her heart doesn’t hurt so much.

“Fab, you’ve been our roommate for a month. It’s more like you’re finally getting a bed. Total upgrade,” Eleanor says, kicking her heels against the cupboards.

“Well, okay then. I guess I’m your roommate,” Fab says, a big smile on her face.

“If you wanna crash in your own room tonight, I have some extra sheets we could trade out,” Devi adds, polishing off another taco.

“My neck would appreciate that,” Fab adds with a chuckle.

“Your neck hurts? We totally could’ve moved you sooner if we knew!” Eleanor exclaims, dramatically throwing her arms in the air as she does.

“You’ve done plenty,” Fab smiles, her heart expanding and her hopes getting daringly large. Like things are finally going her way.

“Speaking of doing things,” Devi starts, and Fab can already tell where this is going, “You and Paxton, eh?”

Eleanor chokes on air. “I beg your pardon?”

“We saw you and Paxton getting ice-cream on our way to Los Tacos,” Fab adds, as an explanation.

“Yea, so when did you two start banging?” Devi asks with a shit-eating grin on her face and another taco in hand.

“We are not banging! I mean, we’re not even together. He came into my work today. We caught up.”

“For two and a half hours?” Devi adds, giving her a knowing look.

“Okay, so maybe we grabbed dinner too. And ice cream. But it wasn’t like that!”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmhm,” Devi says, biting into her taco.

“I thought you didn’t like Paxton,” Fab states, trying to catch up. She knows she’s smart in many ways, but she’s never been great at reading social signals.

“I don’t! I mean, I didn’t, I guess. He caught me off guard. But he’s not so bad.”

“I could’ve told you that,” Devi says, finishing the last of her tacos.

“Of course, but I mean, he’s also changed a bunch. Did you know he’s in teacher’s college?”

“No way. P.E. teacher?” Devi asks, curious.

“That’s what I thought too, but nope! Middle school, doing it all.”

“Wow. Good for him,” Devi adds.

“Yea, it’s good he’s doing well. Are you going to go out with him again?” Fab asks, trying to add to the conversation.

“What? No, we didn’t even go out this time! It wasn’t a date. Just two old friends, catching up.”

“Two _old friends_? Since when are you and Paxton _two old friends_?” Devi adds, getting up to fetch some ice cream from the freezer. She holds up a spoon in Fab’s direction, enquiring. She nods. “I’d offer,” Devi looks at Eleanor, who’s currently beat red, “but I know you already had some.”

Eleanor sticks her tongue out at Devi and steals her spoon.

“Hey!”

“Just because I already had ice cream doesn’t mean I don’t want more. And yes, _old friends._ I admit, we weren’t ever really close while you two were dating, but we weren’t strangers either!”

Devi grabs another spoon and sits down, opening the container.

“Well, I think you should ask him out,” Devi says, scooping some ice cream, “That is, if you like him like that.”

“You do?” Eleanor asks, gaging Devi’s reaction. “Wait, no, I so don’t even like him like that, so it’s not even a conversation.”

“Okay, but if it was, I would say go for it.”

“Really?” Eleanor sounds unsure. Confused. Maybe a bit scared.

“Yes really. Especially if it makes you happy.”

“You’re a really good friend, you know that Devi?”

“I’m good at everything,” Devi says with a big grin.

“I love ice cream,” Fab adds, in her own little world, feeling so much warmth from having a place to call home again. From having people to call home.

Devi and Eleanor look at each other and laugh at their friend, always knowing how to ease a tense moment without even meaning it. They keep eating ice cream as they chat about the rest of their days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [title is from Supercut- Lorde // chapter title is from Motion Sickness - Pheobe Bridgers]


	5. chasing things we'll never keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I've officially mapped out the rest of this fic and this is the halfway point (so it's time to amp things up with a bit of fluff before things maybe go a touch off-path). I'm almost finished writing everything as well, and I'm really looking forward to what you all think of the rest of the fic.
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading and for your kuddos and comments! This is my first fic on here, so why in God's name I decided to make a 10 chapter long pile of nonsense I have no idea. But your support means so much to me. It's so wonderful to have found so many people just as obsessed with these goofs and this show as I am. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

It’s been almost a month since Devi started her internship and her program at Columbia. She didn’t really know what to expect going into it, but certainly not this.

She wasn’t expecting to, but she’s gotten to be pretty good friends with Kelsey. Devi wants to fight her, seeing as she’s easily one of the smartest people in her class, but she’s just so nice that Devi can’t help but like her.

Aaron constantly has a swarm of girls around him due to his pretty-boy charm (and his smarts probably not hurting either). Yet, despite all his other ‘friends’, he still sits with Devi and Kelsey every day. Devi doesn’t know what she was expecting from Aaron, but it definitely wasn’t this.

The most unexpected shift, however, was her time with Ben, and how he also sits with her every day. Their first day went something like this:

\--

*Devi sitting front row, minding her own business.

Ben: This spot taken? *motions to the seat beside her.

Devi: Uh, no. Knock yourself out.

Ben: Geez David, no need to be so violent. If you want to knock me out, you’ll have to try harder than that.

Devi: If I wanted to knock you out, Gross, you’d already be on your ass.

Ben: Is that a threat?

Devi: That’s a promise.

\--

Ever since, the four of them have been sitting in the same seats. Ben on her left and Kelsey on her right. When Aaron joins them, he’s on Kelsey’s right. Or Ben’s left. Sometimes right behind Devi. Okay, so almost always the same seats. Some things never change though, and that’s that Devi and Ben continue to fight over everything.

Ben and Devi are in the middle of a war for the title of 'most pretentious asshole' in the class. In law school, however, they’re not the only ones fighting for that title. They _are_ the only ones doing it with so much intensity, however.

\--

Ben: *with his hand raised, not waiting to be called on* Not to play Devil's advocate to Devi's previous point-

Devi: Oh my god you are not playing the 'Devil's advocate' card.

Ben: Not that you would know, since you've never argued a coherent point in your life, but Devil's advocate is a very effective argument tool-

Devi: I think we all know who's the real tool here.

Ben: You know, it sounds like you could use a tool, Devi, since it's probably been a while since you've had a good screw.

Devi: Gross you are the most arrogant-

*Ben and Devi were both kicked out of class at this point*

\--

When they aren’t in class, you could find Ben and Devi in the library, cramming for tests or doing readings. Sometimes with Kelsey as well. Aaron never joins them. When they aren’t in the library, they're at the firm doing their own assigned work but throwing balls of paper at each other’s heads from their workstations when they're bored.

After one long night in the library, Devi falls asleep on her textbook.

“Devi?” Ben asks, poking her cheek with the rubber end of his pencil.

“I’m awake,” Devi mumbles, startled.

“You know you snore, right?"

"Mhm."

"Wow, no rebuttal? You must be tired."

"Tired of yr nonsnsz."

"I mean, better, but still unconvincing. You should go home, get some sleep.” Devi looks at him through lidded eyes. His clear blue eyes are looking right back.

_Have his eyes always been so blue? Like the ocean._

“Uh, I guess so?” Ben replies.

“Did I say that out loud?” Devi mumbles again, barely keeping her eyes open.

Ben chuckles. “Come on, sleepy, time to get you home.”

"Not a dwarf," she replies, her eyes fully closed now.

He shuts her notebook and stands up, moving behind her so that he can close her textbook and gather her belongings. Devi can feel his stomach on her back, the wooden chair barely doing anything to keep them apart. He feels warm and surprisingly solid. His arm brushes against hers as he picks up her pencil case, and it leaves goosebumps all over her arm. Devi is acutely aware of his presence and just wants to know if his shirt is as soft as it looks.

If Devi weren’t so sleep deprived, maybe she wouldn’t have been wondering that. But she is, so she turns her face and rests her cheek against his stomach. Ben freezes beneath her touch.

“Mmm soft,” she says under her breath. Ben finally moves, chuckling at her words. She can feel his laughter, the motion bouncing her head a little.

“Wow, you must be really tired,” he says, brushing his hand over the top of her head for a moment, and then as if realizing what he’s done, quickly retracts it. “We should get you home.”

He moves away from her and gathers her books, placing them neatly into Devi’s bag. As Devi loses her pillow, she scowls, waking herself up in the process. Not enough to completely have her wits about her, however.

“Mmmmm come back pillow,” she says, reaching her hands out to him and grasping the air like a small child. Ben smiles at her.

“We can find you a much better pillow at home. Come on.” He helps Devi up, his own leather bag crossed over his body and Devi’s tote over his shoulder. He’s supporting Devi with the other arm, who is only slightly more capable than a sack of potatoes at the moment.

Devi doesn’t remember much about the walk across campus, but she does remember ending up at a sleek black car, hearing it unlock, and then Ben slipping her into the passenger seat.

“You have car?” Devi mumbles while he straps her in, placing her tote bag on the ground at her feet.

“I have car,” Ben mocks her grammar, as he brushes some of Devi’s hair out of her face, which is slightly unruly from her earlier nap on her textbook.

“Nice car,” Devi says, leaning into his touch, her eyes barely open.

“Thank you, now watch the door.” He shuts it and Devi hears him open the door on the driver’s side and slide in. She leans against the now shut door. “Do you remember your address, Sleeping Beauty, or do I need to call Eleanor?”

“Heh, you called me pretty,” Devi chuckles. Ben rolls his eyes, but Devi’s far too sleepy to see.

“I’ll take that to mean I should call Eleanor.”

“No no no,” Devi reaches out and places her hand on Ben’s face, trying to shush him but mostly just smooshing his cheek. She tells him her address.

Ben types her address into google maps. “Jesus, Devi, you really commute from Brooklyn every day?”

“Mhm.”

Ben, expecting a snarkier remark, looks at Devi and see’s she’s sound asleep in the passenger seat. He chuckles and pulls away from campus.

\-----

“Come on Devi, just a couple of steps until your own bed.”

Devi’s eyes flutter open and she sees Ben standing above her, unbuckling her seatbelt. Her bag is over his shoulder again and her keys in his hand. He reaches down to help her stand up and she accepts the help, gratefully.

“Did you drive me home?” Devi asks, trying to orient herself and failing, still too tired to stand, let alone speak.

“Miss that part, did you?” Ben teases and helps her out of the car. “Which unit?”

“Three. Here, I can do--”

She knocks the keys out of Ben’s hands and reaches over to pick them up. Ben does so at the same time and they bump heads.

“Sorry,” Devi slurs out rubbing her head, while Ben grabs the keys and chuckles, rubbing his own skull similarly.

“Maybe I should take over again, if you’ll let me,” Ben jokes.

“Hey, I control my own life. I’m the pilot of my own future,” she slurs into his shoulder, which she’s started to lean into again. She feels him chuckle. It makes her smile.

“Of course you are. But for now, maybe I can be your co-pilot?” The thought of that makes Devi’s heart warm. In her sleep-deprived state, she allows herself to admit that she’d really like having more Ben in her life.

“Okay. But just for now!” she relents. Ben is leading her up the stairs into her building and chuckles at her admission of defeat. Devi almost trips going up the stairs.

“Woah, you okay there?” Ben asks, steadying her at the top of the short staircase. He’s fiddling with her keys, finding the one that opens the front door.

“Oh, yeah, so fine. Just wanna sit here,” Devi starts to move towards the ground of the front porch, but Ben is holding her up.

_When did he get so strong?_

“I’ve always been strong, but thanks for noticing.” He gives her a shit-eating grin. She barely registers it, her eyes shutting rapidly. “And yes, before you ask, you said that out loud. I think it’d be best if we get you into your own bed, don’t you think?”

Devi blushes at the thought of Ben taking her to bed. She nods and they continue their path into the walk-up.

“Unit three?” Ben asks, confirming, looking up the narrow staircase dubiously

“Mhm. Third floor!” Devi says as she leans closer to Ben. To Ben’s scent. He smells good. Like sandalwood. And soap. And old books and clean sheets. All her favourite things.

“Jesus Christ, we’re never gonna get you up there at this rate.” He lets out a sigh and kneels down in front of her, his back to her. “Come on.”

“Huh?” Devi isn’t sure what he’s doing, but she keeps a hold of his shoulder for support.

“Come on, get on my back,” Ben grabs her arms as though to put them around his neck.

“Mmmmm okay,” Devi says, too tired to fight it. She also wants to get closer to his back. Find out if it’s as good of a pillow as his stomach was.

“Okay, jump on in one, two, three--” she collapses more than jumps and he grabs under her thighs, supporting her. “You all good back there?”

“Mmm,” Devi says in affirmation, resting her head on his shoulder, “soft.” She smiles as she nuzzles her face into his shoulder. He chuckles again.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Okay, let’s go.”

As he walks them up the staircase, Devi tightens her grip on his neck a bit, to make sure she won’t fall off. The repetitive motion is soothing, more so than she would’ve thought. She falls asleep again.

\-----

Eleanor hears a rustling at the front door just as she’s shutting off all the lights in their unit. Her and Fabiola have spent the day assembling Ikea furniture and now all she wants to do is fall face first into bed. Fabiola has long since retired, but Eleanor fell asleep on the couch. She’s ready to hit the hay, but the noise stops her.

She walks to the front door to help the sleep deprived Devi, who seems to be fumbling with her keys.

Devi’s been spending all of her time either at the library, the law firm, in class, or doing some other odd end job to make ends meet. Eleanor thinks she’s stretching herself way too thin.

“You know,” she says on her way over, loud enough so Devi can hear her through the door, “maybe if you took a break to, I dunno, sleep, you wouldn’t be so tir--” she opens the door and is met with a face she hasn’t seen in years.

“Ben,” Eleanor says, shocked.

“Uh, hi Eleanor.” His face is crimson. On his back is a passed-out Devi, snoring peacefully into his shoulder.

“Oh Devi,” Eleanor says, her voice full of love and a touch of concern.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize anybody would be awake. It’s pretty late,” Ben says sheepishly, still standing in the doorway.

“Yea, I was just about to go to bed. Please, come in!” she says with a whisper.

“I take it she’s asleep?” Ben asks, motioning his head in Devi’s direction.

“Like a baby,” Eleanor says with a smile. She quickly grabs her phone from the pocket of her robe and grabs a picture.

“Hey!” Ben says, obviously caught off guard.

“Sorry, just need some blackmail material. You never know.”

Ben, obviously a bit embarrassed and definitely feeling out of place, chuckles at this. Same old Eleanor. It eases his nerves a bit.

“Uh, her bedroom?” Ben asks, uncomfortably. He understands the implications of the question, but he also doesn’t want to wake Devi.

“It’s that one there,” Eleanor motions. “I’ll let you get her settled. I’m just going to lock the door.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Ben replies, walking Devi into her room. He looks around, quickly, getting a sense of how she lives now. It’s a nicely decorated space. Homey. There are pictures on the walls of friends and family. Lots of people he doesn’t recognize. Some he does. He sees her bed in the middle of the room and, with one arm, he turns down her duvet to expose the sheets below. He turns around and places her down on the bed, trying to release her grip around his neck.

In retaliation, she tightens her grip, nuzzling deeper into his shoulder. Ben’s facing the doorway and sees Eleanor standing there, smirking at him.

“Little help?” he wheezes, his airway closing under Devi’s grip.

“No, I think you can handle this one,” Eleanor replies.

Ben rolls his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

Eleanor exits the doorframe, and Ben sees some lights flicker on in the living room. Ignoring whatever Eleanor is up to, Ben gets back to the task at hand.

“Hey, Devi,” he whispers, in as soothing a voice he can muster at the moment, “it’s time for bed. You’re gonna have to let go.”

“Mmmm,” Devi says, and Ben can feel her face scowl against his shoulder. He doesn’t want to admit how much he loves the feeling of her arms around him, but even more so, he knows that she needs to get to sleep in a much more comfortable position if she isn’t going to be sore in the morning. So, he tries to release her grip again.

This time, he strokes her arm, lacing one of his hands with hers. He rubs his thumb back and forth over the back of her hand, unconsciously. She accepts his hand and he’s able to release his neck from her grip, turning around to face her and lay her down on her pillows.

He can’t help but notice, with her hair sprawled out like this, how beautiful she looks. How at peace. It makes his heart hurt. He knows that she looks perfect and that he doesn’t deserve to see her like this.

The fact that she trusts him is enough. The fact that they’re friends is enough. He refuses to ruin what they have like he did before.

Devi is laying half on top of the covers, half not, her boots still on. He’s finally able to take her bag off of his shoulder and places it beside her bed. He tries to let go of her hand, still firmly in his grasp, in order to take off her boots, but she won’t let him. His heart contracts again.

With one hand, he unzips her boots and takes them off, placing them beside her bed. He grabs the duvet that’s half under her legs and pulls it out, tucking her legs underneath as he does. He pulls the covers up below her shoulders, getting her comfortable.

“Goodnight Devi,” he says, stroking her hand one more time. He finally gets his hand back and uses it to tuck her arms underneath the covers as well. She turns on her side, facing him, and cuddling into her pillow. The way that she was doing to his stomach in the library and his shoulder on the way up.

He can’t help himself. He brushes some of the hair away from her forehead and leans over, giving it a kiss. She sighs, a small smile on her face. He knows she won’t remember this in the morning. He stands up and grabs his bag, turning around to flick the lights and close the door.

Eleanor’s standing in the doorway again, holding a mug of tea.

“Jesus Christ, Eleanor, you gave me a heart attack,” Ben whispers when he sees her, clutching at his heart as if it were going to beat right out of his chest.

“Come on out, Benjamin. I think we need to talk.” Eleanor turns around and leads the way. Ben swallows, his throat tightening. He knows she definitely saw that whole thing.

Fuck.

“What’s all this about?” Ben asks, as Eleanor walks into the kitchen, where the kettle is currently steaming. He’s already shut Devi’s door and is thinking he should probably head out. It’s almost one.

“Do you drink tea?” Eleanor asks, reaching for a mug in the cupboard.

“Uh, yeah, I do.” Eleanor opens another cupboard. Ben is standing, hands in his pockets. He doesn’t know what else to do with his hands. He keeps pulling them in and out, overanalyzing his movements.

“Black? Or green?” She’s standing with her back to him.

“Uh, black I guess, but I should really head out--”

“Did you drive?” She asks, grabbing the box of Red Rose from the cabinet and putting a bag into a mug that says _World’s Best Dad._ It was a gag gift from Devi to Fabiola. Kind of dark, if you as Eleanor.

“Yea, I did,” Ben says, still standing uncomfortably in the kitchen, hovering near the doorway.

“Then you should have some caffeine so you don’t get into an accident.” She pours the hot water into the mug.

“Uh, okay, sure,” Ben says, unsure of what to do. Eleanor motions to the couch, and so he takes his hands out of his pockets and moves them to his thighs as he perches on the edge of his seat. Uncomfortable.

“So, uh, how are you doing?” Ben asks as Eleanor continues to fiddle about in the kitchen.

“I’m doing fine, thanks. Life is pretty peachy. Do you take any milk or sugar?”

“Black is fine. And that’s good, I’m glad to hear it.” He taps his fingers on his thighs, trying to release some of the anxiety he’s currently feeling.

“What about you Ben? How have you been? What have you been up to in the last four years or so?” Eleanor brings over both mugs of tea and places his down on the table in front of him.

“Uh, not much. School, mostly. I’m sure Devi’s mentioned it?” Eleanor nods, sipping her tea. “I moved to the city not long ago, around the beginning of summer. Been here ever since.”

“Hmmm. And what about friends? Hobbies?”

“Just a couple of friends from Yale. Some of them moved to the city, but I don’t see most of them anymore. Just some friends in my program. No time for hobbies, really.”

“Mmm, like Devi,” Eleanor says as she sips her tea.

“Yea, like Devi,” Ben adds, quickly, trying to avoid feeling too uncomfortable.

As if he isn’t already.

“So, I hear you two are friends again,” Eleanor prompts.

“Again? Did she say again?” Ben asks, looking at Eleanor with a bit too much hope. He realizes his error and looks away just as quickly, grabbing his tea and holding it, but not taking a sip.

“No, but I just figured you two were friends at some point, right? You did let her crash at your place for, like, a whole week in sophomore year.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Ben says, taking a small sip of his tea and burning his tongue. He tries not to flinch.

“So, friends again, eh? Just friends?” Eleanor asks. He wants to object. Call out of order. Mention how that’s a leading question. He also knows the rules of law do not apply right now.

“Of course,” he says, defensively. Even though he knows what she saw. And she knows he knows. It’s really a futile game they’re playing.

“Okay then. How far away do you live?”

Ben is surprised at how quickly she dropped the topic. He wasn’t expecting that.

“Oh, not too far,” Ben offers, vaguely.

“Where do you live, Ben?” Eleanor says. This time, it’s not really a question.

“Uptown,” Ben says, sheepishly.

“Long way to go to drop off a friend,” Eleanor replies, a statement more than a question.

“Not at one in the morning when she’s already half asleep.” He knows it was the right thing to do. She can’t judge him for that.

“Right, of course. Just being a good friend.” She takes another sip, still looking at Ben.

“Right. A good friend.”

They sip their tea in silence.

“Why’s she so tired, anyway? It’s late and all, but she was exhausted,” Ben asks, hoping Eleanor can lend some insight. Eleanor sighs and puts her tea down on the table.

“She’s been juggling so much. As if classes and all those readings weren’t enough, you two are also doing that internship. But that doesn’t pay the bills, so she’s also been doing all of these odd jobs.”

“Really? Isn’t she on scholarship?” Ben asks, surprised. He had no idea how much she was juggling.

“She is, but you know Devi. Probably afraid it’ll all disappear in an instant.”

“I had no idea,” Ben says, ashamed. He should know that about her.

“Well, now you do. Maybe you can convince her to lay off a bit. I know Fab and I haven’t been able to.”

“I’ll give it a shot,” he says as he sips his tea. Eleanor nods, as if this was the right answer, but still wearing a concerned look on her face.

“I’m just worried about her, is all. I’m glad she has friends like you watch out for her,” Eleanor offers, giving Ben a small smile.

“She’s lucky to have friends like you and Fabiola, period. You’re a good friend, Eleanor.”

Eleanor’s smile widens, and Ben’s heart feels a little less anxious for the first time since he sat down.

“Well, maybe you can benefit from all this wisdom I have to impart. It’s a pretty sought-after role, being my friend, but I’m always considering applicants,” Eleanor says with a wink over the top of her mug.

“I’d like that,” Ben replies, a bit taken aback, but jumping at the thought. He’s always liked Eleanor. She’s definitely quirky, but in a fun way.

“Okay, you’re hired. What are you doing tomorrow? Or should I say, today,” Eleanor jokes, placing her now finished cup of tea down on the table.

“Uh, I have to go into the firm for a couple of hours in the morning, but then I have the afternoon off. I was going to do some readings. Why?”

His curiosity is getting the better of him. He assumed this whole friend thing was more of a truce, like his friendship with Devi. It’s not like the two of them did much other than study together.

“Fab and I need to get some things for her new room and we could use somebody with a car. Plus, some muscles don’t hurt. You in for a trip to the flea market?”

“Uh, sure. I could do that,” Ben says, too taken aback by the offer to think about all the work he should be doing.

“Great. Meet us here at 2:00. Will you be done by then?”

“Oh, definitely, I finish up at noon.” His head is spinning at how quickly this is going. Is this how all friends make plans? Or just Eleanor?

“Well, then, you can feel free to come sooner. Oh! We could grab lunch! I know this totally adorable place right around there. Wait, give me your phone.”

Ben, acting on instinct since his brain is not keeping up with Eleanor’s quick pace, grabs his phone from his back pocket and hands it to her. She faces it toward him, unlocking the device, and starts typing.

“Now you have my number. And Fab’s, for good measure. You can text her if I sleep in too much, since Devi will probably be in her room working. Poor girl needs a break. Give me a call when you get here.”

“Oh-okay,” Ben says with a stutter. He’s still not quite sure what happened.

“Great, so I’ll see you tomorrow around, what, one?” Eleanor stands up, and Ben follows, still holding his empty mug of tea. Eleanor grabs it from him and brings both of their mugs into the kitchen, placing them in the sink.

“Yeah, okay,” he replies, grabbing his bag.

“Phenomenal. Oh, this will be so much fun! Now, text me when you get home so I know you didn’t die in some freak accident.”

He smiles at her thoughtfulness, even if it's said in a way that makes him scared shitless. “It’s one A.M. There won’t be any traffic.”

“Do I look like I know how cars work, Benjamin? Now scoot. I need my beauty rest. So do you if those bags under your eyes are any indication.” She swats her hands in his direction and he takes it as his cue to leave.

“Uh, thanks for the tea,” Ben says as he unlocks the door and smiles a small grin at Eleanor.

“Thanks for bringing my roommate home in one piece. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” he says with another grin as he opens the front door. He closes it and is making his way down the hallway when he hears it open behind him.

“Don’t you dare think I was joking about that text, Benjamin. If I don’t hear from you within 50 minutes on the dot I will be calling the cops.” The door shuts before he can reply and he hears the lock slide shut.

His cheeks hurt from the smile that’s plastered on his face the entire ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [title is from Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is from Take Your Time - Vance Joy]


	6. till the road and sky align

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm almost finished writing everything and we're officially hitting some turbulence, folks. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update this weekend, but starting next week I should hopefully be updating once every two days until the rest of these chapters are out. The word count is ridiculous but I just couldn't help myself.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all your thoughts on these chapters and for the kudos! I love hearing what people think of these fools. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy today's chapter!

The next day at 12:45, Ben's knocking on the front door of the girls’ unit. He was waiting outside their place, not wanting to be too early, when somebody else exited the Brownstone. Without thinking, he snuck in before the door shut and made his way up to where he now stood.

He wonders if he should’ve texted Eleanor, like he promised, instead of making his way up here. But she wasn’t expecting him this early, and he didn’t really want to wait by his car anymore.

The door opens, and a sleepy-eyed Devi appears on the other side, rubbing her eyes. She’s still in her clothes from the day before, which are completely wrinkled in a very endearing way. Ben pushes that thought deep down.

“Oh, hi Devi. Good morning. Or should I say, afternoon,” he teases, a bit more nervous than usual.

“Ben? What are you--”

“Is that Ben?!” Eleanor shouts from inside the unit. “Let him in! Ben, I’ll be out in a few.”

Devi, still half-asleep, gives Ben a look of confusion before opening the door and motioning him in. He gives her an awkward smile as thanks and walks into their front entryway. Devi closes the door and walks out in front of him toward the living room.

“Well, come in, I guess. Make yourself comfortable. When Eleanor says a few, that usually means she’ll be a while.”

“Uh, thanks,” he says, and takes a seat on the couch, where he sat just 12 hours prior.

“So--” Devi starts, but is cut off by Fabiola entering the room with a resounding: “Ben!”

She walks quickly over to his place on the couch and plops herself down beside him, giving him a half hug.

“So good to see you,” she says, giving him a grin.

“Good to see you too,” he replies, mildly surprised by the warmness of her greeting. He assumes Eleanor has filled her in but isn’t sure how much she knows.

“I was asleep for like, a second, and suddenly everyone’s best friends with Ben? What did I miss?” Devi asks, pulling her wrinkled cardigan around herself, self-consciously. Ben feels guilty for making her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

“I would say it was more than a second, Devi,” Eleanor teases on her way to the bathroom mirror. “Try 12 hours.”

“Shit, was I really asleep that long?” Devi asks, looking at her watch. “What even happened last night?”

“I dunno, what did happen last night, Ben?” Eleanor asks, teasing him as she applies a coat of lip-gloss. Ben can feel his face blush. It’s times like this he wishes he were tanner.

“You were falling asleep in the library. Took you home, that’s all,” Ben says, his face flushing and hand rubbing the back of his neck, self-consciously.

“Well, that explains why I’m still in my clothes, I guess. Thanks,” Devi mutters, shooting Ben a small smile. “I’m going to, you know, go get changed.” She motions to her bedroom.

“Okay,” Ben replies with a smile, trying to ease her worries. He doesn’t want to be the reason she feels uneasy right now.

“Well, you should say goodbye now, because we’re leaving soon!” Eleanor says to Devi’s shut door, walking back to her own room to do God knows what.

“How have you been Ben?” Fabiola asks, still sitting beside him, now putting her feet up on the coffee table in front of her. “And hey, thanks for coming with us today. It’ll be so much easier not having to bring things back on the subway.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s just nice to see you guys again.” He smiles and sees Fabiola is still waiting to hear about his life. He’s a bit surprised by that but continues. “I’ve been good. Busy. You know what Devi’s schedule is like? Mine’s not much different.”

“Well, I hope you’re taking it a bit easier than Devi is,” Fabiola says, her face showing her worry for Devi. Or is it for him? He can’t tell, but he doubts it’s directed in his direction.

“Definitely, by the looks of last night,” Ben replies, with a small smile that also shows his concern for Devi.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. I hope you’re not burning the midnight oil too often,” she says with a smile, definitely directed at him. Maybe the concern _was_ directed at him? He pushes the thought away, refusing to think impossible things.

“I try not to, but she’s tough competition,” Ben jokes, motioning in the direction of Dev’s closed door. “Have to keep up with her.”

“She does love competition,” Fabiola admits with a chuckle.

“How are you doing?” Ben prompts, genuinely curious. “Devi’s told me you’re working at a start-up?”

“Oh yea, Starprint.”

“What do you do there?”

“Coding mainly. We make smart technology, like watches and stuff.”

“Oh, that sounds cool. Are there any on the market yet?”

“Yea, a couple. I have our most recent model if you want to see it?”

“Sure, I’d love to,” Ben replies, and Fabiola’s face brightens. She bounces out of her seat, rushing into her bedroom. Ben takes this moment to really look around their apartment. He can’t help but see touches of Devi everywhere, from her favourite colour in the blanket to her favourite flowers on the table. At least, he assumes they’re still her favourite. He hasn’t asked since they were in high school. He makes a mental note to check.

Devi walks out of her room at the same time Fabiola does. Fabiola is waking over and planting herself down beside Ben again, reaching for his wrist to put the watch on him and demonstrate how it works.

Devi is standing off to the side of the room, leaning against the wall, watching her two friends interact. Her heart expands watching the way Ben shows an interest in Fabiola’s work. Devi can tell it’s genuine, too, and that it’s making Fabiola’s whole afternoon. She wanders over to the kitchen to make a coffee.

Ben is paying attention to Fabiola, of course, and is actually really interested in the product design of the watch, but he can’t help but notice the way that Devi is watching them. He worries again that he’s making her uncomfortable by being in her space and interacting with her friends. They’re just being nice to him, but at the end of the day, he’s not friends with them.

He _just_ got to be friends with Devi. He shouldn't be greedy.

Finally, Eleanor emerges from her room, a scarf on her head and her sunglasses on, reminding Ben a classic movie heroine.

“Alright, I’m ready to rumble. Fab? Ben?”

“Let me just grab my wallet,” Fabiola says as she disappears into her room. Ben takes off the watch and places it on the coffee table.

“Wait, where are you going?” Devi asks, sipping her coffee.

“The flea market. I texted you yesterday asking if you wanted to come.”

“Ben’s going too?” Devi adds, obviously confused. Ben blushes, knowing he’s overstepped. He’s about to make up some excuse to leave when Eleanor speaks again.

“Yea, I invited him when he dropped you off last night,” Eleanor says with a nonchalance that Ben envies.

“I feel like I’m definitely missing a part of this story. Ben wants to go to the flea market?” Devi asks, more to Eleanor than to Ben, who’s still sitting right there.

“Of course, not all of us are too busy to spend time with their friends,” Eleanor points out with fake indignation.

“She also wanted my car,” Ben adds, hoping to actually explain the situation. He stands up and moves toward the doorway, hoping to avoid the onslaught he expects from Devi, ready to make a run for it.

“Well that was just an added perk of your company, Benny,” Eleanor says with a radiant smile. He can’t help but notice how she has a way of putting everyone at ease. He wishes he could do that.

“Benny? Okay, now I’m really lost,” Devi says, putting down her coffee and looking directly at Ben. He feels like he’s been called to the principal’s office, only this time, instead of Devi right there with him, _she’s_ the one giving him a lecture.

“What? Can’t a gal give her friend a nickname? Come on Fab, we gotta go if we wanna get lunch before!” Eleanor yells into the air.

“And you’re getting lunch?” Devi adds, genuine shock in her voice. Ben winces. He knows he doesn’t belong here. He doesn’t know why he even came.

“Are we going to that place we saw earlier?” Fabiola adds, walking into the front hallway and putting on her boots.

“That’s the one! And they have parking too, so after we can just walk across the way to the market. Totally perfect.”

“I’m excited, I heard they have great falafel,” Fab says as she grabs a jean jacket from the peg behind Ben’s head. He moves out of the way, but he feels out of place no matter where he stands.

“There’s falafel?” Devi says with a tone of voice that Ben can’t quite read.

“Oh, so now that there’s falafel involved, somebody wants to come, is that is?” Eleanor asks, pointedly.

“I mean, I do love falafel,” Devi replies.

“Right. Falafel. _That’s_ what you love.” Eleanor’s teasing Devi and it seems to be working since she blushes, but Ben has no idea why. His confusion must be clear on his face since Fabiola pats him on the shoulder.

“Yes, I love falafel, Eleanor,” Devi says with a frown as she stomps her way over to the front door and starts to pull on her boots.

“I guess that means you’re coming?” Ben asks, barely getting the words out of his mouth, afraid both that she’ll say no, but more that she’ll say yes. He doesn’t know if she hates him or not.

“Guess so,” Devi says as she flips her hair in Ben’s face, grabs her purse, and is out the front door.

“Alright, road trip! Goodie, it’s been a minute since I’ve been in a car.” Eleanor is also out the door, right behind Devi.

Fabiola motions for Ben to leave before her, which he does, awkwardly. He waits for her while she locks the door behind them.

“You liking living here?” Ben asks, trying to make small talk.

“It’s like a dream come true. Or a nightmare. Jury’s still out,” Fabiola says, and Ben laughs, even though he’s not sure if she meant it as a joke or not. They’re walking down the stairs.

“I get that. Much nicer than living on your own, I bet,” he adds.

“Do you live by yourself?

“Yeah.”

“You don’t like it?”

“Just a bit lonely sometimes. Although, I’m barely ever home, anyway.” He opens the door at the bottom of the stairs and lets Fabiola through first. She smiles and heads out the front door. They're met with an onslaught of bickering from Devi and Eleanor about who’s going to sit in the front seat.

Ben’s eyes grow wide, unsure of how to manage the situation, and Fabiola laughs. He hopes it’s at them, but he’s worried it’s at him.

“May I?” Fabiola gestures to his keys, which Ben’s hands over, unsure. She walks around the two girls, who are still fighting, and unlocks the car, letting herself into the passenger seat. This sets the two girls into another tizzy, yelling at Fabiola through the window. Ben’s still standing on the curb, unsure of what to do, until he sees Fabiola gesture hurriedly for him to get in the car.

He speed-walks around and gets in, Fabiola handing him the keys once he slides in.

“Thanks for that,” Ben says, waiting for Eleanor and Devi to slide into the back seat, bickering the whole time.

“Don’t mention it,” Fabiola replies. “Eleanor, what’s the address?”

Eleanor gives up the address in defeat and Ben taps it into the GPS. He starts the car and pulls away from the curb.

At the next stoplight, he looks in the rearview mirror and shoots Devi a careful smile, hoping this whole situation hasn’t made her feel too uneasy or made her rethink their friendship. She smiles at him in return, no anger in her face, and with that look, all his worries melt away.

\-----------

Eleanor is singing along with some pop song on the radio and trying to coax Devi into making it a duet, causing Devi to laugh uncontrollably. Ben can’t help but wish she could elicit that same reaction from her. Fabiola has been looking out the passenger window, enjoying the view, but every once in awhile, she asks Ben a question or just shoots him a smile. It feels so comfortable that Ben’s certain it can’t last.

Ben feels welcomed into this bubble of happiness, but also like he’s an onlooker who will never actually be a part of it. He wonders what it would be like to actually have friends like this. To be invited out to lunch, not because of his car, but because somebody wanted him around. To be somebody’s first choice.

He’s never been anybody’s first choice.

He pushes the thought away, trying to enjoy the moment, as he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant. He shuts off the car and gets out, everyone else following suit.

Eleanor runs up to Fabiola and links them arm in arm, chatting away about something she saw on the drive.

Devi falls into step with Ben as they make their way from the back-parking-lot to the front of the restaurant.

“You know, it’s really nice of you to drive us all this way. I know you must be busy,” she offers with a smile.

He doesn’t often get compliments from Devi. That’s not how their relationship works. He doesn’t know how to respond, so he looks at her like she has three heads.

“Did you just call me _nice_ David? You hit your head last night?”

Devi punches him in the shoulder.

“I wouldn’t know, jackass. Are you admitting to grievously injuring me last night?”

“So, you admit that you let down your guard around my last night. That was your first mistake.”

She punches his arm again in the same spot. He rubs at it this time.

“I always knew letting my guard down around you would be a big mistake.”

She says it jokingly, but her voice falters. Both of them acknowledging the real fear behind that statement, but not mentioning it.

Ben clears his throat, trying to get into safer territory.

“But, uh, actually I’m really happy to. Drive, I mean. I, uh, don’t get out much these days. Not like this.”

“Me neither, actually,” Devi offers, with her own small smile and a shrug. “It’s nice.”

“You going soft on me, David?” Ben says in a teasing tone.

She punches his shoulder, again. Ben wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a bruise tomorrow. “Not hardly. But uh, maybe I wouldn’t completely hate doing it more.” The tips of her ears turn red.

Ben’s heart is bursting. He assumed that they were no more than school friends, or study partners at most. He _could_ turn her down. Protect his heart from being led on by Devi, getting his hopes up around her. But since he’s been taking her lead since day one and he’s not one to break from tradition, he smiles at her.

“I’d like that.”

They’re walking side by side and the back of Devi’s hand brushes against his as they walk. If he wanted, it would be as easy as slipping his hand into hers and maybe the hole in his heart would disappear, if only for a second.

He doesn’t.

They make it to the front door and Ben grabs the door from Fabiola, holding it open for Devi. She smiles at him and enters. Eleanor and Fabiola are already being led to a booth by the window, so he and Devi follow suit. Devi slides in by the window and Ben sits beside her since Eleanor and Fabiola already settled on the other side.

The hostess leaves the menus on the table and Ben hands them around, trying to make himself useful. He knows that’s why he’s here. A part of him is worried that if his usefulness runs out, he won’t be invited back. Most of him already knows that he never will be.

Fabiola and Eleanor are chatting about god knows what and Devi is looking down at her menu, her eyebrows furrowed.

“You know,” Ben leans over and says in a low voice, “if you keep that up, your face will get stuck like that.”

Devi turns her face to his, their heads now inches apart, and gives him a smirk.

“You say that as if it isn’t my permanent face around you, Gross.”

He scowls at her and she laughs. It almost reminds him of the laugh she gave Eleanor in the car. Almost.

“What are you gonna get?” Devi asks as she bumps him playfully with her shoulder.

“I was thinking the Club Sandwich looked good.”

“Mmm, I was considering that. I want to try that aioli.”

“What else were you looking at?” Ben asks, bumping his arm into hers.

“The fried chicken sandwich.”

“That does look amazing. I’m a sucker for—”

“Pickles?” Devi says at the same time as him and laughs at the look on his face. “I’m well aware Ben. You get pickles on everything.”

“What? They’re delicious! And I’m Jewish, you can’t really be surprised.”

“Not surprised at all. You’re so predictable.”

“Predictable?” Ben says in outrage, which causes Devi to laugh again. He loves it when she laughs.

“Yes, but it’s okay. I like predictable.” His heart leaps at the looks she gives him before it morphs into one he’s far more familiar with. “It makes it easier to beat you.”

“You say that as though you beat me often, David,” he teases, refusing to relent, even though he wants nothing at the moment other than to give her everything she’s ever wanted.

“I beat you way more than you beat me and you know it.”

“As _if,_ David. Who absolutely obliterated that case study the other day?”

“And who answers more questions in Copperfield’s class?”

“That doesn’t count and you know it. I would answer them correctly if he ever called on me.”

“And why do you think he doesn’t? He can’t bear to listen to any more of your inaccuracies.”

“I am not _inaccurate_. You’re the one who couldn’t remember the year of Roe v Wade.”

“Why should I memorize random dates anyway? I remember that it happened, and since it actually pertains to my life rather than yours, Mr. White Male Privilege, I don’t think you get to talk about that.”

“Dates are important when you’re looking for accuracy and precedent.”

“Fine, we're never going to agree, so how about a truce?”

“You’re only offering because you know you’re wrong.”

She glares at him. He can’t help it. They’re always fighting for the final word and have never worked towards a truce before. Except once back in sophomore year and they all remember how that turned out. Forgive him for being hesitant. 

“Do you want to sit at the bargaining table or not?”

He relents.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“I propose we split the sandwiches. Best of both worlds. Deal?” she closes her menu as if the issue is settled.

He twists his face, as though still considering the offer.

“Alright, but only if there’s an even distribution of pickles.” He closes his own menu.

“I would never dream of getting between you and your pickles, Gross.”

The waitress comes up and asks for their orders, making sure to ask if they want separate bills. She looks at Ben when she says this, and her eyes flitter to Devi beside him. Fabiola answers for him, though, asking for them to be split separately.

The whole table is chatting with each other now and Ben can’t help but remark how easy it feels. How natural. His brain shoots back to high school and the last time they were all together like this. He can’t help it. It was right before—

_Malibu._

His heart sinks, reminding him of his place. He doesn’t know why they’re all being so nice to him, but he has to remind himself it’s not because they actually care. They’ve never been friends, so what should change now?

They finish up their meals and the cheques arrive. Everyone is getting out their wallets and cards, except Devi, who is still rooting around in her bag.

Eleanor and Fabiola are engrossed in some other conversation, so Ben leans a bit closer, trying to see what she’s doing.

“Everything okay?” he asks, and she turns her head to face him. Their faces are now inches apart. They both jump back a bit, keeping some space. Their faces flush, each too embarrassed to notice the other’s embarrassment.

“Yep. All good. I just, uh, can’t find my wallet…” Devi trails off, continuing her search.

“Did you grab it from your tote bag?” he asks, trying to be helpful.

She looks at him, confused, and then leans back in the booth with a grunt.

“Right. My tote bag, which I left…”

“I put it beside your bed. Sorry if I messed up your system,” he says sheepishly.

She sighs. “It’s fine, no worries.”

Before she can say anything else, the waitress comes by to collect the bills. Without thinking, Ben hands her both his and Devi’s with enough cash to cover both. The waitress smiles at him knowingly and he blushes under her gaze.

He’s been blushing a lot lately for a grown-ass man.

He clears his throat before turning back to the table. Eleanor is staring at him, head resting in her hand, giving him the same look the waitress did. Devi is glaring at him. Fabiola is on her phone, not paying attention.

“You didn’t need to cover me. I have Apple Pay, you know,” Devi glares, her tone matching the steely look she gives him.

“It’s no problem. Figured it might be easier is all.” He doesn’t look in her eyes.

She sighs.

“Then I’ll just pay you back.” She gets out her phone to do an e-transfer and he pushes it down, embarrassed that they’re still talking about this. It doesn’t help that Eleanor is _still_ looking at him like he’s a lovesick puppy.

“It’s really not necessary, David.” He sighs and tries to stand up.

“It really is, _Gross_ ,” Devi replies back, her voice short.

“I’m not going to take your money,” Ben says, slipping on his coat. Fabiola is now standing up as well and showing Eleanor inspiration pics for what she hopes to find at the market. Eleanor keeps looking back at him and Devi in between photos. He just wants to drop it.

“You are too since it was _my_ bill,” Devi says forcefully.

“Can’t a guy do something nice for a friend?” Ben asks, grabbing Devi’s coat and holding it out for her. She slips into it while it’s still in his hands, as though they’ve done this a thousand times.

“ _A guy_ already drove his friends all the way here. If anything, I should be paying for your bill,” Devi refutes, using logic to undermine his point. She pokes at the middle of his chest, but he doesn’t relent.

“Okay then send the e-transfer,” Ben says, knowing he won’t accept it.

“That means you have to accept it,” Devi says, seeing right through his plan.

“I never said that,” Ben says, walking out of the dinner and giving the hostess a small smile as they leave.

“ _Ben,”_ Devi whines, grabbing his arm, which is currently tucked in his pocket, and pulling on it.

“ _Devi,_ ” He whines back, mocking her tone. She lets out a grunt, obviously upset by this turn of events. She’s still holding his arm. Ben can feel his heart racing at the contact.

“You are by far the worst human being on the planet, Gross,” she whines, her tone revealing how little weight the phrase holds. Ben smiles.

“Then you’re terrible by association,” he teases, hoping desperately that she won’t let go of his arm.

“Me?” she says with indignation, “I’m not the self-sacrificing douchebag.”

He winces and hopes he doesn’t notice. That one hit a little close to home.

Devi’s quiet, and so he looks over at her, recognizing the look on her face.

Guilt. Pity.

“Ben, I’m--”

He cuts her off. He doesn’t need her pity.

“Well, at least I have something to sacrifice.” He says this with a jokey tone, but the implications are there. He sees a twinge of hurt fall over her face and she lets go of his arm.

_Shit._

He knows they were just talking about money, but it all hits like they were talking about something else. Transported back in time to a moment when Ben opened up his heart and she had nothing to give in return. His bitterness boils up to the surface. He knows it’s not fair. It was never fair of him to ask so much from someone going through so much grief. But he has feelings too, dammit.

Looking at her face now, though, his self-sacrificing nature returns. He needs to take it back, or clarify the joke, or--

“I didn’t--”

“Okay, so I think we should split up, take some photos, and then meet back here in half an hour to figure out what we can haggle and get a good price for,” Eleanor starts, looking at Ben meaningfully. He can see she’s trying to play matchmaker. Internally, he sighs. She has no idea what she’s meddling in.

“Great idea Eleanor. I’ll go with Fab,” Devi says, grabbing Fabiola’s arm and dragging her down one of the isles of booths.

“Uh, see you in half an hour?” Fab yells back, being dragged away against her will.

Eleanor sighs. She takes out her phone and makes a group chat with the four of them. Ben knows because he gets the notification.

“Well, a slight set back, but nothing I can’t work with. Come on Benny, let’s shop.” Eleanor grabs Ben’s arm and drags him in the opposite direction.

\--------

Their half an hour is almost up and Ben can’t help but admit how much he's been enjoying himself. He doesn’t really like shopping, but Eleanor makes the whole thing that much more fun by making him try on stupid scarves and guess the prices on ugly knick-knacks.

Both groups have been sending stupid photos back and forth, the photos of actual significance getting lost in the chat.

Ben can’t remember the last time he had this much fun.

Finally, they meet back up. Devi is still keeping her distance from him. It hurts, but he understands it.

Everyone distances themselves from him eventually.

He can feel his guards going back up. Numbing his heart to all things Devi. Just like high school.

Some things never change.

They make their way back around the market, going back to items that Fabiola marked off as interesting, Eleanor haggling with the shop-keepers to get better prices. Devi and Ben follow behind, not saying much.

They finally wrap up their purchases and Ben grabs the car to make load-in easier.

They pile everything in and drive back in silence, the same seats as before. Everyone is somewhat exhausted by the sun and the walking. A soft pop song plays over the radio.

When they’re back at the girls’ place, he finds a parking spot not far from their door and he gets out to help them unload. When they’re finished, Eleanor asks if he wants to stay for dinner.

He politely declines, claiming he needs to go home and get some work done. Devi doesn’t look him in the eye as he says his goodbyes.

At his place, late that night, he scrolls through the group chat from that day. He smiles at the photos, and before he can think better of it, saves one of Devi wearing a pile of hats on her head.

With a heavy heart, he tries to get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ story title is from Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is from Angela - The Lumineers ]


	7. spend my days with ghosts who all love you the most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way longer than anticipated but here's the next chapter! September has been busy for me but I hope to go back to updating this more regularly from here on out. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy (or don't enjoy, given the chapter) this next little bit, and be sure to leave me your thoughts in the comments!!!

It’s been quite a while since their trip to the flea market and Eleanor can tell something is off. Devi’s shine has left her again. Eleanor thought she was doing better since starting her internship, but it's gone and left her again. Even worse, she knows its departure has something to do with Ben since he’s been moping around too.

Ever since Eleanor and Ben became friends, he’s started to come around to the coffee shop Eleanor works at. He sits and studies while she’s on shift, which makes no sense seeing as she works in Brooklyn and he lives uptown. She knows the reason he drives so far isn’t that he hopes to see Devi, since she never comes into the shop. It didn’t take Eleanor long to determine that he doesn't really have anywhere else to go if he's trying to avoid Devi (which Eleanor assumes he is). 

When he first came into the shop, he seemed embarrassed to be there. She didn’t know at the time why he’d come all this way, but she was glad to see him. Less glad when she saw how lost he looked. She recognized the expression almost immediately. She’d seen it in the mirror enough times. He looked as though somebody has let him down, yet again, and somehow it was _his_ fault. Never theirs. Eleanor doesn’t know what happened between him and Devi, or what caused this poor sweet boy to lose so much faith in the world, but she could feel herself getting mad at Devi. However, she knows her friend, and can’t help but feel sorry for her, too. She’d been through plenty of her own shit, after all.

So, instead of lashing out, picking sides, or doing something equally stupid, she prides herself on doing the only thing she can do without meddling too deep into her friends’ lives.

She smiles and waves, gives him a free cookie, and then as soon as her shift is over, she sits herself down and refuses to allow him to push her away, no matter how many times he tries. They end up closing down the shop together and he walks her home.

This pattern has continued almost every day she’s worked since.

He comes in and once she finishes up, she always sits down and bothers him incessantly. She knows he likes it, even if he pretends that she’s keeping him from his studies.

This time alone with Ben every day has proven to Eleanor that she really _likes_ being Ben’s friend, which is a bit surprising if Eleanor is being honest. She always suspected that he was a nice guy even if was a pretentious asshole throughout all of high school. But ever since that time in sophomore year when he brought the three of them back together, a time she doesn’t look back on fondly, she’s known without a shadow of a doubt that Ben Gross has a big heart. Bigger than most people’s in fact. What took her until now to figure out, much to her own heartbreak, is how few people he has to give all his love to.

Plus, it helps that he’s mellowed out so much since high school. He also seems so much less sure of himself now, as though he’s too tired to keep up the false bravado act. But, he’s still stupid smart and he isn’t afraid to rub it in everyone’s face. After all these years, though, it’s kind of endearing and involves way less name dropping of his dad’s clients.

Eleanor has decided that Ben Gross is the sweetest little baby on the planet and she intends to protect him at all costs.

So, she tries to get to the bottom of whatever’s going on with him and Devi. She can tell he’s hopelessly head over heels in love with her. It’d take a fool not to see that. But, for some reason, he’s pushing Devi away. Putting up those pretentious walls of his. She’s determined to break them down.

When she brings up Devi in conversation, his eyes always get sad. She tries to get information out of him, but he doesn’t say much other than that they’ve both been too busy to speak much lately.

When she points out how they share all of their main activities and this shouldn’t get in the way, he just shrugs. Devi, of course, is even harder to get through to.

It infuriates her to no end.

Not to mention, Eleanor’s been texting Paxton ever since that first day, kind of non-stop actually. No matter how much she tries to distance herself from him, everything she sees reminds her of him. And then she’ll message to him without thinking, causing a whole other conversation. They’ve hung out a couple more times and she has to remind herself that they’re just friends, even if she knows she doesn’t really want that to be where their relationship ends.

What’s worse is that Paxton’s birthday is coming up soon and she has no idea what to do. Would it be weird to get him a gift? She really wants to though. She wants to get him something really nice that will make his day better (and make him think of her when he sees it).

One day, after her shift ends, she sits down at her usual spot across from Ben, who moves his bag off her chair in anticipation of her arrival without taking his eyes away from his page.

“So, Benny, how goes the studying?” Eleanor asks, leaning over the table at him, looking at his notes. They’re all chicken scratch. She thinks he should be a doctor, not a lawyer, with that kind of writing.

“Better before you arrived,” he teases, taking a sip of his probably lukewarm coffee.

“You wouldn’t trade my company for the world." Ben smiles but shakes his head behind his textbook.

“So, I had a thought,” Eleanor starts, and Ben’s eyes shoot up from behind his textbook, one eyebrow raised, as though he’s expecting trouble, “and don’t give me that look. It won’t kill you. I was just thinking we should go shopping.”

This makes Ben’s other eyebrow shoot-up, but he doesn’t speak, waiting for her to continue.

“Okay, I maybe sort of want your advice. But I could, like, totally up your style game in return.”

“What’s wrong with my style game?” Ben asks, obviously concerned, and Eleanor rolls her eyes, grabbing his textbook and closing it.

“Nothing’s _wrong_ , but nothing’s _right_ either. Do you get it?”

“Not at all,” Ben replies, honestly.

“Ugh, men. You’re all the same.”

“If I’m so bad at shopping, why do you need my advice?” Ben continues, trying to reach for his textbook, which Eleanor is now holding above her head.

“Well, I need your advice _and_ your opinion. I need to get something. It’s not, -er, for me.” She blushes a bit, and this piques Ben’s interest. He stops trying to grab his textbook and leans back instead, his one eyebrow raised.

“Oh really? And who is this for? One of us men who are _all the same_?”

“Maybe,” she says, her cheeks getting darker. Curse her beautiful Asian complexion. It shows everything she’s feeling.

“Do I _know_ said man?” Ben continues, a sly grin on his face. Although she’s embarrassed, she’s happy to see him smiling.

“Uh, probably not well,” she says, knowing it’s technically not a lie. She does not want to get into old history, “I was just hoping for a man’s opinion.” Her whole body is probably beet red at this point.

“Well,” he says, collecting his pages, “I guess I could spare a couple of hours.” Eleanor squeals and Ben winces. She runs around the table and collects him in a hug, squeezing his arms to his sides. His eyes bulge out of his head (even more so than usual).

“Yay, thank you! You are my favourite Benjamin I’ve ever known, Ben, and I’ve known a _lot_ of Benjamins.”

“Uh, thanks, I think?” Ben says, his voice high as he continues to be squeezed by Eleanor.

“Come on, let’s go before you change your mind.”

\-----------

Devi has been spending more time with Kelsey and Aaron over the past few weeks. She doesn’t know why she’s avoiding Ben. It’s not like they got into some huge fight or anything, but maybe that’s the problem. Fighting, now that she can deal with. But emotions and memories, history and bad decisions, that’s all dangerous territory.

It doesn’t help that her heart squeezes a bit too tight when he looks at her.

She _hates_ it.

She hates feeling guilty. You feel guilty when you do something wrong and she hates being wrong. Her body betrays her by feeling it because it reminds her of all the things that she has to be sorry for.

 _She’s_ the one who asked to be his friend. _She’s_ the one that opens up and then shoves him away when she gets scared. He doesn’t owe _her_ anything.

She knows she’s not treating him well, but she can’t help it. Everything just feels too real when she’s around Ben. He reminds her of who she used to be in high school and how much pain she’s caused.

Even scarier, he also reminds her of sunshine and warmth and protection and lov--

_I just need some space._

Instead, she tells herself she’s mad at him for what he said. He implied that she has nothing to offer. He might have been joking about her finances, which *eye roll*, but they both know it meant more than that. It’s not her fault her dad died so young, fucking her up. It’s not her fault she’s less invested than he is, less open and honest and giving. It was a cruel thing to say. It was rude.

_It was true._

She decides staying angry is easier. It’s always easier. She distances herself from him and spends more time with Kelsey and Aaron who can’t hurt her the way Ben has.

_Proving him right._

The three of them are working in the library when some hot girl walks by and Aaron gets distracted. Kelsey elbows Devi, who rolls her eyes in return. Devi scribbles on her page:

_**I give it one minute, tops before he bails on us with some flakey excuse.**_

Kelsey muffles a laugh in her hands and writes back:

_**That quick you think?**_

Aaron turns back to them and smiles, grabbing his things. He makes up a feeble excuse that nobody would possibly believe. Aaron’s well aware of this, of course. He gives them a wink and stalks after his prey.

“Well, I’m hungry,” Kelsey announces after the two of them share a small laugh. “Dinner break and regroup?”

“I probably should go home, actually,” Devi replies, feeling guilty for also bailing on Kelsey. Kelsey’s face doesn’t fall, but Devi knows she’s probably disappointed her. “I just,” she starts, hoping to alleviate her guilt, “need to save a penny. Until the next paycheck.” She hates talking about money, but it feels better than making her friend feel like she doesn’t want to spend time with her.

_Things were never this difficult with Ben._

She shoves the thought way down.

“Oh, no worries, I totally get it. I should honestly eat at home more myself,” Kelsey laughs, obviously not taking it personally, but Devi still feels guilty.

“We could go over to mine if you want? It’s kind of far, but we could have dinner and keep studying?”

Devi doesn’t know why she’s inviting Kelsey over. She just really needs to not lose any more friends right now.

“Oh, that could be fun. Whereabouts are you?” Kelsey asks, gathering her things.

“Brooklyn.”

“No way, I’m out that way too. How are we just figuring this out?”

Devi smiles, feeling some of the tension leave her shoulders.

“Great question.” They pack up their things and head out.

They chat all the way back to Devi’s place. She learns that Kelsey grew up not far from her and they laugh at the coincidence. She’s learning way more about Kelsey and is really enjoying getting to know her outside of class and their internship.

Devi makes them a couple of packages of ramen but beefs them up with eggs and some veggies. They sit on the living room floor, their pages surrounding them, slurping their ramen in between making notes and light conversation.

Devi hears the door open and waves when she sees Fabiola enter the apartment.

“Hey Fab, long day at work?”

“Yea, a bit,” Fab says as she takes off her coat and hangs it up.

“Oh, hey, Fab, this is Kelsey, the one I’ve been telling you about.” Kelsey turns around and looks up smiling at Fab. Devi watches her smile morph into one of recognition.

Fab starts speaking before she turns to face them.

“Oh, it’s nice to mee-”

She stops mid-sentence.

“Fabiola?” Kelsey asks, a big smile on her face.

“Oh wow. Uh, hi Kelsey.” Fabiola is frozen on the spot, not looking nearly as happy as Kelsey. More blindsided.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Devi asks, confused. Her brain starts reeling with the possibilities.

“Fabiola, it is you! Oh my gosh, it’s so great to see you again,” Kelsey says with a genuine smile and a wave.

Devi, still confused, looks at Fabiola for a response.

“Great to see you too,” Fabiola says uncomfortably. Devi is still completely lost.

“Wait, how do you two know each other?” Devi says, trying to show happiness but feeling apprehension.

Fab looks at Devi, confused, as though Devi’s the one missing something.

_Can somebody just tell me what the hell is going on?_

“This is Eve’s sister.”

All of the gears in Devi’s head grind to a halt. She turns to look at Kelsey, the family resemblance becoming crystal clear now that she knows what she’s looking for.

“Wait, Eve is the twin sister you were telling me about?” Devi asks Kelsey, surprised.

“Yeah, wait, you know her then? What are the odds!” Kelsey says to Devi, with a grin on her face.

“Yeah, what are the odds,” Fabiola says, her face blanching. Devi knows Fab isn’t handling her ex-girlfriend’s twin sister’s presence in their living room well. Devi just has no idea what to do about it.

“You two should totally come over when she settles in. A housewarming party!” Kelsey says excitedly, loving this new revelation.

Fabiola’s face gets even paler if that’s possible.

“Settles in?” Fabiola asks, her voice wavering a bit. If Kelsey notices, she doesn’t let on.

“Yea, she’s still unpacking since she just moved in, but we’re honestly not that far from you guys at all. You should invite your other roommate too! Eleanor, right?” Kelsey continues, her enthusiasm clear. Devi looks back and forth between her two friends, her mind in a complete upset. She doesn’t know what to say. So, she says the first thing that comes to mind.

“Uh, that could be nice…” Devi looks at Fabiola, who is still rooted in one spot.

“I have to text Eve. She’s going to flip. I move all the way across the country and still manage to find California friends. This is _too_ funny.” Kelsey grabs her phone and starts typing, smiling, and shaking her head as she does.

“Can you give me a minute, Kelsey? I just gotta check on something,” Devi says, standing up and walking toward Fabiola, who’s still frozen, staring at the back of Kelsey’s head.

“Yea, no worries,” Kelsey says, still typing into her phone, not looking up.

Devi grabs Fabiola by the arm and drags them into Fabiola’s bedroom, shutting the door.

“Are you okay? Come on Fab, say something,” Devi says as she shakes her friend gently by her shoulders, trying to break the trance she’s in.

“Oh, me? I’m fine. Yep. Totally fine.”

“You’re really not acting like it,” Devi says, worried. She’s starting to feel guilty and like she’s done something wrong. She _hates_ being wrong. So, instead, she tries to convince Fabiola that she’s alright. But genuinely alright and not this weird fake alright she’s giving off now.

“Yep. It’s so fine. Just gonna go see my ex-girlfriend, which is totally fine, even though we haven’t seen each other since high school. That’s not weird at all, right?” She’s still standing in one spot, not looking at Devi.

“Fab, we totally don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Devi offers. It’s not like they’d committed to a day or anything.

“No, this is fine. I’m fine. This will be good. It’s good to have healthy relationships with your exes.” She hasn’t moved her eyes from one spot since they entered the room and they’re a little too bugged out for Devi’s liking.

“Are you sure? I mean, healthy is good, but…” she trails off, not knowing what else to say.

“Absolutely. I’m certain.” Her eyes are still bugging. “Healthy relationship. Good pals. What’s so hard about that? If you and Paxton can be buddy-buddy, so can I.”

“I don’t know if I’d say Paxton and I are buddy-buddy,” Devi counters, not wanting to pressure her friend into anything.

“I can do this. It’s good. It’s healthy, I can do this,” Fab continues, obviously not listening to a word Devi is saying.

“Right, okay. Um, I’m going to go back out there now. If you’re sure you’re actually good.” Devi doesn’t believe her for one second but doesn’t know what else to do. She needs to text Eleanor, like, now.

“Yeah yeah for sure. Totally fine.” Devi sits Fabiola down so that she’s resting on the edge of her bed, her eyes still focused on one spot.

“I’ll be back, alright?” Devi offers, backing out of the room.

“Of course, of course,” Fabiola replies. Devi does not know what to do. So, she leaves. She sits back down in front of the oblivious Kelsey, who’s still smiling and eating her ramen. Devi grabs her phone and sends a text to Eleanor, who is M.I.A. Again. She hopes her bitterness doesn’t flicker through the text.

\-------------

Ben’s really enjoyed this time with Eleanor. He likes hanging out with her and he got to pester her some more about who this mystery man in Eleanor’s life is. She’s refusing to budge, unfortunately. Ben’s curiosity never relents however and he continues to pester her their entire trip. Thankfully, Eleanor doesn’t seem to mind. 

If this were Devi, she would’ve snapped and shut him down by now. He feels an ache when he thinks about Devi. So, he pushes the thought away and tries to enjoy the lighthearted air with Eleanor.

While they’re shopping, he helps her pick out a gift for her mystery man. He has no idea if he’ll like it, but Eleanor seems to be smitten on the idea as soon as Ben points it out. It’s a sweater. A nice sweater, something really soft that no man would ever pick out for himself but would really like to have. He thinks he did a pretty decent job.

She also forces him to try on some jeans. He can’t remember the last time he wore jeans. She whistles approvingly, though, and says they make his ass look great. He knows that has to be a good thing and purchases them. She also helps him pick out a couple of sweaters, some shirts, and some more casual clothes like a pair of tight sweatpants that he does not feel entirely comfortable in.

If he got a boner in these things, he’d be done for.

But she says how in style they are so he purchases everything anyway, thinking that her taste in clothing, although far more eclectic than his, is undoubtedly far superior. It doesn’t hurt that he likes seeing her pleased at a job well done.

They’re sitting down, eating some food, when Eleanor’s phone dings. She digs it out and scrolls through the notifications When she reaches the most recent one, her eyebrows furrow. She types something quickly and puts the phone down, still looking at the screen.

“Everything alright?” Ben asks. He can tell something’s worrying her.

“Something’s wrong with Fab but I don’t know all the details.”

Ben’s eyebrows also furrow at this.

“Should we go check on her?” Ben asks, already collecting their garbage to clear it away, preparing to depart.

“Yea, we probably should. It doesn’t sound good.”

She’s standing up and collecting her things. Ben grabs both of their bags so that her hands are free to type.

They make their way back to Eleanor’s place and Ben is concerned. He hasn’t known Fabiola to ever not be okay. He admits, he hasn’t really known her that well for very long, but still. It’s concerning.

She often comes by the coffee shop while he and Eleanor are there and he’s really starting to like Fabiola’s presence. Sometimes, she joins him before Eleanor gets off her shift and they chat about life. Sometimes she’s already there when he arrives and she always motions him over, even if she’s on a call or something. They find out that they actually have a lot of overlapping interests. Ben can’t remember the last time he met someone as obsessed with tech as him. She even admitted to liking _Rick and Morty_ , only telling him knowing that if he told anyone else, nobody would believe him anyway.

All this to say, he really likes Fabiola and doesn’t want to see her get hurt.

“Apparently Eve lives in New York now.”

Ben’s surprised, but confused.

“Oh, is that a problem?” He has no idea how she and Fabiola left things; he realizes.

“Apparently, since she’s now invited to her housewarming party and has completely frozen.”

Ben doesn’t put two and two together. If Fabiola’s frozen, it means that Eleanor’s texting Devi, who doesn’t want to see him right now. However, he’s too concerned about Fabiola to think about that right now.

He looks around, uncomfortably, unsure of what he can possibly offer that could help.

“Should we pick something up?”

Eleanor looks at him, a confused look on her face. But, it’s an open look, as though she’s waiting to hear his suggestion.

He continues. “Uh, like, I dunno, ice cream or something?” He internally cringes at the stereotype.

But, Eleanor smiles. “Yes! Brilliant idea, Benjamin. Her favourite shop’s right around the corner. Let’s get a pint.” She grabs his arm and pulls him along.

Eleanor grabs a pint of Fabiola’s favourite flavour and they walk quickly back to her place, both anxious to help.

Ben takes the stairs two at a time, racing behind Eleanor who moves surprisingly fast.

Eleanor throws open the front door of her unit and Ben follows behind, still holding both his and her bags in hand. It’s only at this moment that he realizes his mistake.

He makes direct eye contact with Devi, who is obviously thrown off by his presence. Just as quickly, her eyes are off his and on Eleanor instead.

He’s embarrassed. He should’ve known better than to come here, but he was worried about Fabiola. He averts his gaze and finally notices Kelsey on the floor. She smiles and waves, excited to see another friend, and Ben smiles back, confused.

Ben watches Eleanor and Devi give each other pointed looks until Eleanor leaves the tub of ice cream on the counter.

“Oh, hi Ben! Fancy seeing you here. And you must be Eleanor!” Kelsey says, happily, oblivious to the swarm of emotions occurring around her.

“Hi Kelsey,” Ben says, his tone letting across how surprised he is to see her here. He has no idea if she plays into any of this drama and feels bad she’s caught up in it.

“It’s so lovely to meet you,” Eleanor says, laying it on thick. She seems to have picked something up after one look at Kelsey, and Ben knows he’s missing some key information. “Um, Benny, do you think you could help with that?” She motions to the ice cream on the counter and gives him a knowing look as she grabs all of the bags. “I’m just going to take care of these.”

She grabs the bags and heads directly into Fabiola’s room, closing the door behind her.

“Of course,” Kelsey says, still on the floor, as she looks at Ben, “Devi was just explaining how you all went to high school together.”

Ben can’t help but feel glad Devi’s been talking about him. Which is definitely not the point right now.

Kelsey continues. “Then you must know my sister too? You should totally come to the housewarming party!”

That’s when it clicks.

“Oh, um, sister?”

“Eve. You know her, right?”

“Uh, yea, of course,” Ben says, unsure what to do. Devi is pointedly looking at her textbook, but Ben can tell she’s not reading a single word.

“I just assumed, given that you’re obviously friends with everyone here. Although I thought you said that you and Ben weren’t close during high school?” Kelsey asks. This time the question is directed at Devi, but there’s no accusation in her voice.

“We weren’t,” Devi says, refusing to look in Ben’s direction.

“Well regardless, you’re definitely invited if you’d like to come. It’ll be so fun! Like a little California reunion!” Kelsey says, excitedly.

“Um, that could be nice,” Ben says, unsure of what else to say. Unaware of the similarity between his and Devi’s answers.

Kelsey smiles at him and returns to her notes, asking Devi a question about one of the case studies.

Ben uses this opening to move into the kitchen, opening a couple of cupboards to find a deep bowl and a spoon, which he uses to serve the ice cream.

When he slips out of the kitchen and heads in the direction of Fabiola’s bedroom, he can feel Devi’s eyes on his back like a dagger. He knows he’s crossing a boundary by helping _her_ friend. But, _he_ has the ice cream and Eleanor’s waiting for _him_ , so he opens the door and enters.

Fabiola, unbeknownst to Eleanor or Ben, is in the same position that Devi left her in earlier. She’s still sitting on the edge of her bed, fixating on one point on the wall. Her eyes are slightly less wide. Eleanor is talking to Fabiola, trying to soothe some speech out of her, but Fabiola will only admit that ‘everything’s fine.’

Ben enters, unsure.

“Ben, thank god. Look Fab! Ben brought your favourite ice cream! From Pheobe’s Place?”

The promise of ice cream seems to shock Fabiola out of her daze and she looks up to see Ben.

“Oh, hi Ben. Is that for me?”

Ben nods and hands her the bowl. She grabs a scoop and eats it, slightly more normal than a second prior, but still a bit out of it.

Ben is standing there uncomfortably until Eleanor motions with her eyes for him to come to sit on the other side of Fabiola. He follows her lead.

“I love ice cream,” Fabiola says, more to the bowl than to anyone else.

“You can thank Ben, it’s all him,” Eleanor says, which causes Ben to blush a little bit.

“Thanks, Ben,” Fabiola says with a grin, which seems to ease Eleanor’s concerns a little, “but I’m truly fine you guys! Everything’s fine. Sure, maybe I was a little thrown off guard, but it’s fine. It’ll be… nice to see her again.”

“You know,” Eleanor starts, stroking her friend’s back, “It would be totally alright if you weren’t okay with it.”

Fabiola looks at her friend, puzzled.

“It.. it would? I mean, of course, it would be, but I’m fine, honest.”

“But if you weren’t,” Eleanor continues, “That would be okay too. It’s alright to not know where you stand with someone after all this time. It’s weird.”

“Yea, I guess it’s a bit weird if I’m being honest,” Fabiola adds, opening up a little.

“You were really close to her. All of those memories don’t just go away. It’s odd to see someone who meant so much to you after so much time apart.” Eleanor says this as if she knows from experience.

“Like you and your mom?” Fabiola asks with a small voice, staring at her lap.

That’s when it clicks for Ben. Memories of sophomore year come rushing back. He looks at Eleanor, understanding in his eyes. Eleanor knows what it’s like to be left behind better than anyone. Knows what it’s like when the people you care about don’t care about you the same way. He looks at Eleanor and she gives him a knowing look, as if she knows exactly what he’s thinking.

He realizes that he and Eleanor have more in common than he thought.

“Yea, like me and my mom,” Eleanor says, replying to Fabiola but still looking directly at Ben, “it’s also different though. My mum’s feelings never ran as deep as mine. You wouldn’t be alone in how you feel.”

It hurts Ben that he understands perfectly the distinction Eleanor makes. Losing someone who loved you and never having that love in the first place are two very different things.

“I guess I just don’t know what I would say to her. It’s been so long, you know? She could be a completely different person,” Fabiola offers, still eating her ice cream.

Without really thinking, Ben speaks.

“That’s a normal thing to worry about. People change. Most of the time, it’s probably for the better. But it doesn’t mean they forget about you or how much you meant to them. You still have those memories together and they won’t forget them either. Even if they do, you still have them.”

Ben can’t stop himself. He feels Eleanor and Fabiola’s eyes on him. He knows he should shut up and that this probably isn’t helping, but the words feel like vomit. He can’t hold them in now that he’s started. 

“We’re all shaped a bit by the people we’ve loved. They supported us and were there when we needed them, and we helped them in return. That doesn’t just… go away. I’m sure she won’t be completely different. Sure, it’ll probably we weird, reliving that. But it’ll probably be good for you, too.”

The room is quiet. Fabiola and Eleanor are still looking at him, but he’s looking at the wall, reminded of his own past. What’s shaped him and allowed him to be here today. Also feeling hella embarrassed for everything that just came out of his mouth. His stupid mouth.

“Wow, Ben, that’s a really beautiful thought,” Eleanor offers, reaching across Fabiola’s lap and grabbing his hand. She grabs one of Fabiola’s in her other hand and gives them both a squeeze.

“I like that,” Fabiola agrees as she shoots Ben a smile. “I think you’re right. I think you’re both right. It doesn’t have to feel okay, but it’ll probably be good for me. Thanks.” She looks at both of them and squeezes Eleanor’s hand, which is still in hers.

There’s a faint knock on the door and it opens slowly. Devi enters.

Ben’s nervous, wondering how much of that she heard. She still won’t look him in the eyes.

“Everything alright?” Devi asks, looking between Fabiola and Eleanor. Fabiola smiles at Devi, her bowl of mostly melted ice cream in hand.

“Yea, but I think I could use some more ice cream. Anyone want any?” She looks between Devi, Eleanor, and Ben, who all nod, happy to see her change in demeanor.

Fabiola leads the way out of her room with Devi close behind. Ben follows, but Eleanor grabs his wrist, which prompts him to turn around. She reaches up and gives him a hug. He’s a bit surprised, but he returns the hug.

“What’s that for?” He asks, looking at her with a touch of confusion.

“For being a good friend, Benjamin. Also, ‘cause I thought you might need it.”

She exits the room without looking back and Ben sees Devi still just outside the doorway, not looking at him.

“Devi…” he starts, but she’s gone in an instant, leaving him alone in Fabiola’s room. He runs his hand over his face, knowing he’s only made things worse between him and Devi. He curses himself for being such an idiot. He grabs the bags from the corner of Fabiola’s room, placing Eleanor’s purchases just outside her doorway and collecting his own.

He makes his way toward the door, preparing to leave.

“Ben, don’t you want ice cream?” Fabiola asks with five fresh bowls waiting on the counter. The four girls, Kelsey included, are huddled around the counter, waiting for Fabiola to serve.

“I-”

He barely gets a word out before Eleanor is grabbing his bags, leaving them by the door, and pulling him into the kitchen, placing him between herself and Kelsey.

“I guess I could stay for a bowl,” he offers, looking at Devi. He wants to apologize for intruding on her life, once again. She doesn’t make eye contact. His stomach contracts.

But, then, out of the corner of her eye, she looks at him and gives him a small smile.

All hope is not lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ title is Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is Village - Cam ]


	8. just another graceless night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks we're in the last bit of this fic, and that means there's gotta be some conflict! But I can't handle pure conflict, so there's a bit of fluffy nonsense in there to ease the pain. There are only two more chapters after this one and I'm really looking forward to hearing all of your thoughts on how this plays out. I hope you enjoy and as always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Devi does not want to be here.

Fabiola does not want to be here.

Ben does not want to be here.

Eleanor, also, does not want to be here.

Paxton is excited to see everyone again!

It’s the day of Kelsey and Eve’s housewarming party. Kelsey sent the invitation to a bunch of her friends and fellow classmates, including Aaron. She also invited Eve’s co-workers from the photography studio. Of course, she invited Eve’s former classmates, including Devi, Fabiola, Eleanor, and Ben. Then, to add insult to injury, Paxton somehow also made it onto the guest list, apparently, since here he is, sitting in Eve and Kelsey’s small Brooklyn living room while most of the other guests mingle in the kitchen and dining room areas.

“Wow, I didn’t expect I’d be seeing you all here, that’s for sure.” Paxton is smiling, unaware of the tension in the room.

“Uh, why _are_ you here, Paxton, not that it’s not nice to see you,” Eleanor adds, flustered.

“Kelsey and I go to the same gym, just around the corner from here. We’ve been gym buddies for a while. I had no idea she was Eve’s sister though. That was a surprise. I didn’t realize that you and Eve were still close, Fabiola.”

“Uh, we’re not,” Fabiola replies, uncomfortably. Paxton gives Eleanor a confused look, and she sighs.

“Kelsey goes to school with Devi and Ben,” she motions to the two of them, who are sitting on opposite sides of the room. “When she found out that they knew Eve,” she motions to the air, Eve nowhere in sight, “Because she saw Fabiola for the first time again at our place,” she motions to Fabiola, and then to herself, “she invited us to this shindig,” she finishes, motioning to the room as a whole. She cringes internally at her use of the word _shindig_.

“Oh, that’s so cool. It’s funny how people find each other,” Paxton remarks.

The room goes relatively quiet, except for the music in the background and the lull of conversation from other areas.

Eleanor can’t look at Paxton right now, because he’s wearing her birthday present to him and everything about it feels so intimate. She can’t confront this here.

So, instead, Eleanor’s looking at Fabiola, who she’s concerned isn’t handling this well (while also trying to avoid Paxton’s gaze).

But Fabiola’s looking at Devi, trying to figure out what’s wrong (while she tries to distract herself from looking for Eve).

Devi’s looking at Ben, a concerned look on her face (and only daring because she knows he won’t look back at her).

Ben’s looking at Paxton, on the surface, cool as a cucumber, (but anybody who knows him can tell that if looks could kill, Paxton would be dead in an instant).

And finally, Paxton’s looking at Eleanor, who he’s confused isn’t making eye contact with him.

“Devi, Ben!” Kelsey exclaims upon seeing them, “so glad you could make it!” She gives each of them a hug, which cracks the tension in the room. They give her hugs in return before she’s off again, making her rounds.

“Eleanor, a pleasure as always, and Paxton! You two know each other? She asks, motioning between Eleanor and him.

“Yea, I actually went to high school with them all, if you can believe that,” Paxton says, lightheartedly, oblivious to the tension in the room.

“No way. You’re from California too? I can’t believe I didn’t know that! Wait, that also means you went to school with my sister!”

“Yea, I had no idea Eve had a twin!”

“Me neither,” Devi mutters under her breath, cursing herself for causing this whole evening.

“I’m sure she’d love to say hello to you all. Let me see if I can go find her.” Kelsey exits the living room through the throng of people in the kitchen. As she does, she passes by Aaron, who seems to have heard Kelsey’s earlier greeting.

He struts over to Devi and sits down beside her, throwing his arm over her shoulder and leaning back, using all of his charm as he does.

“Devi, I didn’t know you were gonna be at this thing or I would’ve stolen you away sooner,” he gives her a grin that could melt a girl into a pool of jelly. It should, but Devi doesn't feel particularly charmed by Aaron these days. She gives him a polite smile in return.

“Hey, Aaron. You know Ben, of course, but these are my roommates, Eleanor and Fabiola, as well as my…. Uh, Paxton. Everyone, this is Aaron. He’s in my program."

Devi curses her blunder and hopes Aaron didn't notice it. Everyone says a quick hello, to which Aaron replies, “A pleasure. Hey Devi, do you want a drink?”

Before she can answer, Aaron leaps from the couch and moves toward the kitchen in search of booze.

Now, Eleanor is looking at Devi after determining that this is the same Aaron from her internship (and trying to determine if he’s always this touchy).

Devi is looking at Paxton, or rather above Paxton, trying to avoid Eleanor’s pointed glance (and feeling awkward about her earlier blunder).

Paxton is looking at Fabiola, only just realizing that she’s about to see her ex-girlfriend again and trying to read her mood (while also trying to avoid Devi’s gaze, since it’s more awkward seeing her again that he thought it would be. Especially with her best friend right beside him).

Fabiola is looking at Ben, trying to determine how he felt about Aaron’s earlier behaviour (and to distract herself from thinking about Eve).

And Ben is looking at Eleanor, desperately pleading that she will look his way so that he can make an excuse to leave this party, (and hoping Eleanor will help him escape before he does something he will surely regret).

Aaron re-enters the room, a cup for himself and Devi, and returns to his earlier position, handing her a cup. Devi smiles and politely accepting the glass, but doesn’t take a sip. At that moment, Kelsey reenters with Eve, who looks happy until she sees the room she’s been led to.

“Oh shit.” Everyone’s now looking at Eve.

Kelsey elbows her sister in the side, which allows Eve to realize that’s all she’s said.

“I mean, uh, hi. Wow, didn’t expect to see you all here. Uh, thanks for coming.” She’s standing awkwardly, her eyes scanning the room until they lock with Fabiola’s.

Fabiola, barely audible, is the only one to respond. “Hi.” She gives her a meek wave. Everyone, taking her cue, gives a small wave in return.

“Uh, Kelsey, can I talk with you a sec?” Eve pulls Kelsey out of the room, with a polite nod to everyone, and drags her sister into one of the bedrooms, closing the door.

Silence descends upon the room again. It’s been minutes since Eve left. Fabiola sighs and stands up.

“I think I’m gonna--”

“Hi, so sorry about that!” Kelsey says, re-entering the room, and dragging Eve behind her, who looks just as uncomfortable as before. As they enter, Eve bumps into Fabiola, almost toppling them over, until Fabiola grabs Eve’s forearms, steadying them both.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry,” Eve says with a bit of a blush. They’re currently upright, but Fabiola is still holding Eve’s forearms and Eve’s hand is crumpled in the front of Fabiola’s short.

Eve lets go, realizing what she’s doing, at the same time Fabiola does. Fabiola whips her arms back down to her side.

“No worries,” Fabiola says with a small smile as Eve. Her hands still on Fabiola’s chest, and she's working to iron out the wrinkles her grip left. Eve’s so focused on the spot on Fabiola’s chest that it takes her a moment to finally look in Fabiola’s eyes. She widens them when she realizes she’s been stroking her ex-girlfriend’s chest for a crowd of onlookers. She drops her hands right away.

"Sorry," Eve offers.

"All good," Fab responds, amused.

They're both quiet for a moment, looking for the right words to say.

“Do you think--”

“Maybe we should--”

They both start speaking at the same time and then cut themselves off.

They laugh, breaking the tension.

“Drink?” Eve offers, motioning to the kitchen.

“That’d be nice,” Fabiola replies with a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat. They exit the room. Kelsey looks on, pleased, until her eyes fall on Aaron and her grin falters a bit. Devi’s sitting, looking uncomfortable under Aaron’s arm. It rests mostly on the back of the couch, but it still looks intimate.

“Hey Eleanor,” Paxton starts, looking to his side at her, “do you wanna get a drink?”

“A drink? With you?” Eleanor asks, a touch panicked.

Ben looks at them, curiously. He watches the way Paxton leans into her and how rigid she appears in return, looking at Devi. Paxton nods, trying to catch her gaze.

“Um, okay!” she says, her voice a good octave higher than usual. She jumps up from the couch and walks towards the kitchen, not waiting for Paxton. Confused, he follows her until it’s just Kelsey, Ben, Devi, and Aaron remaining.

“Aaron, haven’t seen you all night,” Kelsey starts. She’s sitting beside Ben but looks pointedly at Aaron.

Ben’s uninvolved, too busy looking into the kitchen at Paxton with a cold stare. Devi is too busy looking at Ben, a worried look on her face.

“Oh, I’ve been around,” Aaron says, noncommittedly. “Hey, Ben,”

At his name, Ben’s gaze moves from Paxton’s direction toward Aaron, and for the first time, he realizes Aaron's presence (and how he’s sitting with Devi). Ben's eyebrows furrow, but they don’t betray his feelings.

“Yeah?”

Aaron bobs his head toward the kitchen. “That your girlfriend?”

Devi’s eyes remain on Ben, the worry gone and replaced by something else entirely. She stiffens even further under Aaron’s arm, which is still barely touching her.

“Who?” Ben says, confused.

“That girl, I think her name’s Eleanor?”

“What? No,” Ben says, genuinely confused. He doesn’t know what could’ve given him that impression, since they hadn’t even been sitting next to each other. Fabiola had been sitting between them the whole night.

“Oh, I just assumed since you’ve been staring that way since she went off with that other guy.”

“You mean Paxton? He’s my gym buddy,” Kelsey offers, trying to insert herself into the conversation. “Turns out he actually went to high school with Devi and Ben. So did Eleanor and Fabiola who were in here earlier.”

“No shit?” Aaron asks, one eyebrow raised at Ben. “Damn, seems you know everybody at this party, Ben.”

“I wouldn’t say everyone,” Ben says, slightly embarrassed, but refusing to look weak in front of Aaron.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Aaron replies, his eyebrow still raised. “If she isn’t your girlfriend, any chance you want her to be?”

Devi stiffens further at this.

_He doesn’t like Eleanor like that… does he?_

She doesn’t know why this bothers her, except that she has noticed that they’ve been spending a ton of time together. Plus, Eleanor is out of the house way more, doing god knows what.

_Are they seeing each other? Is that why Ben looks like he wants to murder Paxton?_

Up until this moment, Devi has foolishly thought maybe it had something to do with her. Like, he was mad at Paxton for breaking her heart, or something.

_Or maybe he remembers what happened right after Malibu._

She brushes the thought aside and buries it deep, deep down, hoping it won’t resurface. But that’s not how memories work.

“Me and Eleanor?” Ben says with a smile, “Uh no, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”

“Well, you know what you gotta do if you wanna change that,” Aaron says with an air of nonchalance.

“I’ll pass, but thanks, I guess.” Ben gives Aaron a half-smile, his eyes moving to Aaron’s hand. It’s just barely brushing Devi’s shoulder from its place on the back of the couch. Devi shifts a little so that it’s no longer touching her. She doesn’t want Ben to think that she and Aaron are together or anything.

_Why does it matter what Ben thinks? You’re the one who pushed him away. Besides, he’s just a friend anyway. Or was._

She doesn’t know where they stand now.

It takes her a minute, but Devi realizes Aaron is speaking to her.

“Uh, sorry? Didn’t catch that,” she replies, coming back to reality.

Aaron chuckles, the tips of his fingers playing with Devi’s hair. “I said, does that mean you know everyone at this party too?”

“Uh, I guess? Depends on the person.”

“How well do you know Eleanor?”

Devi doesn’t really want to talk with Aaron at all. He’s not a bad guy, she’s just not in the mood. And he’s being far more inquisitive than usual, which Devi doesn’t really have the patience for. She reminds herself of her mantra from the beginning of the year.

_Exceptionally nice._

“Definitely well. She’s my roommate actually. I live with her and Fabiola,” she replies, gesturing vaguely to Fabiola’s old spot, which is now occupied by Kelsey.

“You don’t say,” Aaron says, breezily, his eyes now back on Ben, who’s still looking toward the kitchen.

“And Kelsey’s sister?”

“Eve? Uh, yeah, I know her too.”

“Hmmm,” he responds, aloof. Devi’s getting sick and tired of the 20 questions. She’s about to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, talk to someone, anything, when he hurdles another one at her.

“What about that Paxton guy? Know each other well?”

Devi watches Ben stiffen.

_Okay, guess that answers definitively who he’s staring at._

“Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that. I mean, no, actually not really,” Devi says, correcting herself.

“So which is it? Yea or not really?” Aaron is still playing with her hair and finally directs his gaze down at her, making Devi feel small. It also makes her feel like this an interrogation.

“Aaron,” Kelsey says, furrowing her brows, warning him.

“It’s a simple question, Kels,” Aaron says, not looking away from Devi.

“How about, not anymore?” Devi replies, hoping this will end the conversation. He looks him dead in the eye, stubborn. There’s not much he can say to that, surely?

“So, there is some history there,” Aaron says with a smirk. She wants to wipe that smirk right off of his face, and not the same way she does when Ben does it. When Ben does it, she wants to kiss it off.

_Woah. Where did that come from? Focus Devi. Go get a drink or something._

“Aaron, can you get your nose out of other’s people’s business for once?” Kelsey snaps.

“Woah, Kels, just making light conversation with our fellow interns. Right, Ben?”

Ben flicks his gaze back to Aaron for the first time in a minute and sees Aaron’s fingers winding through the tips of Devi’s hair.

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” Ben says, not answering Aaron’s question before he’s heading into the kitchen.

“Frosty in here tonight, huh?” Aaron replies, seeming pleased with what he’s done.

“Oh, grow up, asshole,” Kelsey barks, and shifts her gaze to Devi. “Wanna take a walk?”

“Uh, sure,” Devi replies, entirely grateful for some alone time with Kelsey, and leaving Aaron grinning by his lonesome in the living room.

\----------

Ben makes his way into the kitchen, seething. He needs to get a grip. It’s not like he owns Devi. She can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. He looks around and finds a perfect place to let out all his anger.

“Paxton,” Ben says, coldly, as he grabs himself a beer from the fridge.

“Ben, right? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it’s certainly been a bit,” Ben says, a sharpness in his tone. Paxton gives him a confused stare and Eleanor, on his right, also gives Ben a weird look.

“Hey, Paxton, could you excuse us a minute?” Eleanor says politely to Paxton, who politely nods back while Eleanor grabs Ben’s elbow and steers him away.

“Are we going to talk about what that was?” Eleanor asks, calmly, as she looks at Ben.

“What?” Ben replies. When he receives Eleanor’s cold stare in return, he says again: “What?!”

“What is up between you and Paxton? Or should I say, between just you, because I don’t think Paxton’s got any clue what’s wrong.”

“And you’re suddenly an expert on all things Paxton?” Ben replies, but without any of the sharpness he used on Paxton. Eleanor blushes profusely and it finally clicks for Ben. “Holy shit. Is Paxton ‘the guy’?”

“Maybe,” Eleanor says, her blush deepening.

“Wow,” Ben says, pure shock in his voice, “I didn’t see that one coming.”

“This isn’t about me, Benjamin.” Eleanor pokes him roughly in the chest and Ben rubs the spot, sore from her finger. “What is your damage?”

Ben sighs and runs a hand over his face. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me, Benny. I’m a very quick learner.”

Ben sighs again. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got all night.”

Ben puts his hand back on his face, this time, rubbing his eyes. Mainly he does this as a shield so that he doesn’t have to look at Eleanor’s reaction.

“It’s not really my story to tell.”

Finally, something clicks for Eleanor, because he hears an understanding “Hmmmm” come out of her nose and he feels a hand on his arm.

“Is this about sophomore year?”

Ben winces and hopes Eleanor didn’t notice. Of course, she did.

“Ben, what happened? I always assumed, I mean, I’m not gonna lie. Fabiola and I were shocked that after spending a whole week at your house…” she pauses. When Ben doesn’t say anything, she continues.

“I mean you brought us all back together Ben, that was _you._ Shocked is an understatement. When Devi showed back up at school on Monday and wouldn’t even acknowledge your presence… that was weird. Then, all of a sudden, she and Paxton are an item. I guess… we always assumed it was a one-time truce between you two, and that you’d go back to your ways. But then you stopped fighting with her even…” Eleanor trails off again, hoping Ben will pipe in.

He doesn’t.

“Ben, what happened? What happened in Malibu?”

Ben truly freezes then, hearing that name.

“Malibu? Who said anything about Malibu?” he asks, his hand still on his face.

“You took her, right? So that she could meet her mum? Scatter her dad’s remains?”

Eleanor pauses, waiting for Ben to answer the question.

“Yeah,” he says, finally dropping his hand from his face.

“Ben, what happened?” Eleanor looks at her friend and in those bright blue eyes, she sees years of pain bubbling to the surface.

“You’d have to ask Devi,” Ben replies, looking back at Eleanor, not trying to hide the pain he feels.

“I’d like to hear it from you, Ben,” Eleanor prompts, hoping she can get her friend to open up.

“I mean it, Eleanor. You’d have to ask Devi because honestly, I can’t tell you why we’re like this now. Why we’re not happy, living together, planning our future,” Ben says, throwing his arms a bit in defeat. “I have to go, I can’t, I can’t be here right now.”

“No, Ben, you don’t get to run away,” Eleanor responds to his unsurprising confession by grabbing his elbow. “I’m not going to ignore you, or push you aside. And you’re not leaving until we figure this out.”

“She obviously didn’t feel the same, alright? She made her choice then, and she’s made it again. You know this is that definition of insanity, right? The one everyone always says Einstein said when he actually never did.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Eleanor prompts. She wishes she had Devi’s brain right about now and could interpret Ben’s constant references.

“ _The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results._ That’s all I am. Insane.” He falls back against a wall, the hallway is rather empty, fortunately.

“You’re not insane, Ben. Hurt, maybe, but that’s it. You have a loving heart. You deserve to use it on someone who’s going to return your feelings. I don’t know if that’s Devi and honestly, if it’s not, she deserves a right smack upside the head for missing out on this. But if it’s not her, you’ll find someone. Don’t shut down completely, alright?” Eleanor pats his arm and stares at him, hoping her words are getting through to him.

“I know what it’s like,” Eleanor continues when Ben doesn’t respond, using all of her confidence to get this through his thick skull, “I know what it’s like to grow up not feeling loved. Or wanted. It messes with you. Makes you question every little ounce of love you get. It makes you want to hold onto kindness, or even just attention, with all you have and never let go.” She breaks away from his gaze for one second to look behind her, in the direction of Paxton. Ben doesn’t miss that moment. “But it doesn’t define you, alright? You’ll find someone who will love you just as ferociously as you do. I have to believe that. We both will.”

Ben’s hand is now on Eleanor’s face. She doesn’t realize it, but she’d started crying. Ben wipes a tear from her chin.

“Thanks, Eleanor,” Ben replies with a smile. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. I think there’s someone who’s waiting for you out there.”

Eleanor springs herself on Ben, wrapping him in a hug. Ben hugs her back, and Eleanor hopes desperately that he knows how much she meant every word she said.

He does.

After breaking apart, they both laugh a little at Eleanor’s mascara stain which she’s left on his shirt.

“Sorry,” she offers, “I’ll get it dry cleaned?”

“It’s fine, I happen to have some new shirts I should be wearing anyway,” Ben remarks, which swells Eleanor’s ego a little bit. “You might want to wash your face though.”

“Shoot! It is that bad? Where’s the bathroom,” Eleanor says in a panic, opening the first door she sees.

Ben and Eleanor stand in the open doorway, slack-jawed at the sight before them.

Eve and Fabiola have split apart, and are now sitting, very rumpled, on opposite sides of the bed. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they’ve been doing.

“Uh, hey guys,” Eleanor offers, “good to see you. Uh, sorry, just looking for the bathroom, go ahead and get back to…” Eleanor trails off as she closes the door behind her and goes back into the hallway. She and Ben are now standing, wide-eyed at each other.

“Okay, guess we don’t have to worry about how Fab is doing, at least,” Ben offers. They break down into laughter in the hallway, falling to the ground, causing a whole new collection of tears to run down Eleanor’s face.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt…”

They both look up from their place on the hallway floor and see Paxton standing above them.

“Hey Paxton,” Ben offers, much nicer than before.

“Paxton!” Eleanor says, her voice a little too high, as she rubs the tears away from her face (and hopefully some of the mascara).

“Everything okay?” Paxton asks, obviously a bit uncomfortable.

“Oh yea, no, totally. But I think,” Ben continues, looking at Eleanor pointedly, “I’m going to go see where Kelsey is!” Eleanor’s now giving him a wide-eyed look while he gives her a subtle thumbs up. “Nice to see you again Paxton,” he says, giving his shoulder a firm pat. He sneaks away into the party.

Eleanor and Paxton are now on their own. Paxton motions, questioningly to the floor beside her. She pats it in greeting. He sits down beside her and clears his throat, but doesn’t say anything. Eleanor doesn’t know what to say either, words having no meaning.

“Are we… good?” Paxton asks, nervously.

“What? Of course. Why? Is… something wrong?”

“I dunno, it just feels like you’ve been, sort of uncomfortable tonight?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just been a weird night, as you can probably gather,” Eleanor says with a small laugh, which Paxton emulates.

“No no, it’s all good. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t, you know, something I did…” he trails off, looking deep into her eyes.

“No, it wasn’t you at all,” Eleanor says, returning the look.

She watches as his eyes drift from her eyes to her nose to her lips, and rest there for a moment before flickering back up. She’s entranced by the way his tongue flickers over his lips, leaving a bit of a sheen in the low light.

“Eleanor--”

Before she can think too much about it, Eleanor is grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him. It’s a quick kiss, which she breaks to look back up into his eyes. When she does, she’s met with a smile, so genuine and loving, that it feels like her heart is breaking open, unable to contain the warmth it holds.

“I, um--” she starts, unsure of what to say, when Paxton cuts her off with his lips against hers and his hand on her head, drawing her in closer. She returns the gesture, opening her lips slightly, hoping to deepen the kiss. She feels his tongue play against her lips as he takes her lead. Her hand falls to the sweater he’s wearing, the one she bought for him, clutching it in her grasp, trying to bring him closer. Eleanor’s head is spinning.

Finally, they break apart for air, their chests rising and falling rapidly.

“Well, I don’t know about you,” Paxton says, his cheek falling to rest against the top of Eleanor’s head, his arms now draped around her shoulder, pulling her in close, “but I’m having a great night.”

Eleanor swats his chest, playfully, and she can feel his laugh through his whole body, which she is tightly pressed against.

“Hey, Eleanor…” Paxton trails off, searching for her eyes. She looks back at him, waiting. Open. “Do you maybe wanna go out with me sometime? If all those half-assed dates don’t prove it, I’d really like to be dating you right now.”

Eleanor smiles so wide that she doesn’t think her face can contain it. “Yea, I think I’d really like to be dating you right now too.”

They’re both smiling now until they aren’t and their lips are pressed against each other again. Less hungry, and more in celebration. Until the door beside Paxton’s shoulder opens, revealing Fabiola and Eve, who are now looking down on Eleanor and Paxton.

“Uh, hello again, guys!” Eleanor says, blushing profusely. Fabiola is grinning down at her friend, having seen enough to know what’s going on out here.

“Anyone want a drink?” Eve offers, hoping to break the tension.

Everyone agrees wholeheartedly. Fabiola and Eve offer their hands to Eleanor and Paxton, who gratefully accept the help in standing up. The four of them wander over to the kitchen, incredibly smitten. Fabiola and Eleanor know they’ll be discussing this later.

\-----------

As Ben wanders away from Paxton and Eleanor, he waves at a couple of fellow classmates that he recognizes. He wishes this party was as simple for him as it is for them. He wanders back into the living room and isn’t that surprised to see that nobody’s there. He collects his things, and walks around, looking for Kelsey.

When he finds her, it’s behind the closed bedroom door from earlier. Her and Devi are splitting a bottle of wine on what appears to be Kelsey's bedroom floor.

“Oh, hey, sorry to interrupt,” he says, not looking Devi in the eye. “I just wanted to say goodbye, Kelsey, before I head out.”

“You’re leaving already?” Kelsey says, standing up and half collapsing on Ben in the process. He supports her and brings her back upright. Guess she's drunk far more than him tonight.

“Yeah. But thanks for having me. I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

Kelsey pouts, not letting go of Ben. “What if I wanna see you again before that?”

Ben chuckles. She’s obviously wasted. “Well, you have my number,” he jokes, trying to let go of Kelsey, but worried she might fall again if he does.

“So mebee we should hang out on Sunday, then,” Kelsey offers. Ben knows she probably won’t remember making these plans in the morning.

“Uh, sure. We could do that,” he offers, still not looking at Devi, and also wanting nothing more than to be looking at her.

“It’s a date, then,” Kelsey says, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

Ben, a bit thrown off, almost topples over at the motion.

“Okay, Kels, I think somebody probably needs to sit back down,” he leads her back to her bed and places her there, where she lies down immediately, almost taking Ben with her.

“Woah there,” Ben says, managing to regain his balance and stand back up. “You all good?”

“Yep, totally. I’ll text you tomorrow! About Sunday!” Kelsey slurs a little. She looks down and winks at Devi.

_Devi._

Ben wants to look at her. Needs to know what she’s thinking. How she’s feeling. But he remembers what Eleanor said. If Devi doesn’t want him, there’s nothing he can do about it. The ball’s in her court now.

“Okay, Kels. Sure. Goodnight.” He gives her a small little wave, and for the first time all night, he makes eye contact with Devi. She doesn’t look away. He tries not to think too much about the look she’s giving him, which looks like a mix of hurt and jealousy.

“Goodnight, Devi,” he says, giving her a small wave as well, his eyes locked on hers. He closes the door behind them and exits into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ title is from Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is from Perfect Places - Lorde ]


	9. gather up the avenues and leave them on your doorstep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay folx, this is almost the end. Time for a little bit of closure (and then an epilogue full of a whole lot of fluff because it makes my heart happy).
> 
> Thank you so much as always for everyone's kuddos and comments. This is the first fic I've ever really written from start to finish and it means the world that you're enjoying it (if you're enjoying it that is....)
> 
> I hope you enjoy the wrap up of Benvi's ridiculous journey and stick around for a bit of jovial nonsense next time.

Ben wakes up and rolls over in his bed when he hears his phone ding. He grabs the phone, looking at the time. 9:05. Rubbing his eyes and cursing how much he slept in, he reads the text on the screen.

 **Fabiola:** We’re having a meeting/debrief in an hour and a half.

Ben has no idea what this means and how it relates to him. He sends back:

 **Ben:**?

He watches the three dots appear on the screen. His phone dings again.

 **Fabiola:** That means please come to ours for 10:30.

His phone dings again.

 **Fabiola:** And maybe bring food? I think our whole house has a collective hangover.

Ben chuckles, his own mild tension headache luckily not caused by alcohol.

 **Ben:** Be there as soon as I can.

He rolls out of bed, looking back at it longingly. He opens his closet and notices the sweatpants he purchased with Eleanor. They’re definitely the most comfortable thing he owns, even if they are a bit out of his normal comfort zone. He grabs them, as well as a tight black t-shirt and a sweater for good measure, placing them on his bed before he jumps in the shower.

He gets ready and heads out of the house, in search of coffee. He places a group order, picks it up, and gets back in his car. He’s just about to pull away from the Starbucks parking lot when he gets the next text.

 **Eleanor:** Are you coming and are you bringing coffee. I think we NEED to TALK.

Ben chuckles.

 **Ben:** I’ve already been informed by Fabiola that my presence is requested.

 **Ben:** And yes, of course.

He gets a ding in response.

 **Eleanor:** You sweet baby angel.

He starts his car and heads towards Brooklyn.

He finds a parking spot and heads up to the girls’ apartment with coffee and food in hand. Without enough hands to properly open doors and knock, he finally makes it up to their place and bumps on the door with his elbow. Fabiola flings it open and lets him in.

“Thank god you’re early,” Fabiola says, Ben now looking at the clock and noticing that it’s only 10:00.

“I’m always early,” Ben replies, placing the coffees and the bag of food on the counter.

“Oh, you brought coffee!” Eleanor says, entering the kitchen in almost complete disarray. “Wait, can I snag the Caramel Macchiato?”

Ben chuckles. “It is for you, so yeah. Fab, I got you a café misto. There are also breakfast sandwiches in the bag.”

Fabiola is already reaching into the bag, pulling out an egg and cheese. Eleanor is hugging him with one arm while she sips her coffee with her other hand. 

“Oh Benny, we do not deserve such kindness.”

“Oh.”

Ben looks up and sees Devi in her doorway, obviously a little surprised to see him there.

“Morning,” Ben says, a bit uncomfortably. “I got you coffee if you want it.” He motions to the two coffees that remain sitting on the counter.

“What kind of coffee?” Devi says, skeptically, as her bare feet slap against the kitchen tiles.

“Dark roast, two sugar, two cream,” he replies, handing her the cup.

“Mmmmm the perfect cup of coffee,” Devi replies cradling the coffee like it’s a precious being.

“So I’ve been told,” Ben laughs, grabbing his own cup from the tray.

“Wanna sandwich?” Fabiola asks, waving it in Devi’s direction with a full mouth.

“Sandwiches too?” Devi asks, looking at Ben with an accusatory glare.

“I’m nothing if not able to follow instructions,” Ben replies, a slightly teasing lilt in his voice. It’s not their normal banter, but it’s closer. They still dodge around their current issues.

“Thank you,” Eleanor and Fabiola both say at the same time. They look at each other over their sandwiches and laugh. Ben grabs a sandwich for himself and takes a bite, leaning against the counter with one hand. He thinks he spots Devi staring at his arm as he does. He smiles a little into his sandwich.

_Take a picture, it’ll last longer._

“So, what’s this I hear about a meeting?” Ben asks, sipping his coffee.

“Yes, we have a very important group meeting. 10:30. Eleanor, Devi, that gives you… a little under 20 minutes to get your shit together and in the living room. Ben, you’re obviously more than punctual already.”

“Group meeting?” Devi asks, obviously confused. She’s the only one.

“Well, I wasn’t going to miss out on a good debrief,” Ben says with a smile at Fabiola and Eleanor, who both turn a bit flustered under his gaze. Eleanor almost chokes on her coffee.

“Right, group meeting…” Devi says, catching on that she’s missing some crucial information. Her gaze lands on Ben as though trying to figure out how much he already knows.

“Well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Eleanor says, grabbing the remainder of her coffee and collapsing on the couch. “Come on Ben, I need a pillow, or I will lie down and take over this entire couch.”

Ben rolls his eyes and sits down next to Eleanor, who leans against him, pretending to fall asleep on his shoulder. He laughs and pushes her upright.

“Hey, nice pants!” Eleanor says, pulling at the Adidas logo on his thigh. He swats her hand away but she continues poking him, trying to make him uncomfortable.

“I know they are, I bought them!” Ben retorts, trying and failing to escape to the other end of the couch.

“With help,” Eleanor says. “Just admit it! You’re nothing without my fashion taste.”

“Okay okay, geez. Uncle. You win.”

Eleanor leans back, victorious. Ben can’t help but feel so much warmth towards Eleanor. She’s like the bothersome little sister he never had.

Fabiola grabs her coffee and sits herself down in the chair, which leaves three spots for Devi to choose from: the other chair, the floor, or right beside Ben. He watches her as she contemplates her options. She decides to seat herself beside him. It makes his heart flutter. Which then makes his heart contract, knowing he shouldn't want what he can't have. So, instead, he looks over and smiles, tight-lipped. She returns the gesture, her hands firmly around her coffee.

“Well, since I called this meeting, I should probably start. So. Last night. It probably didn’t exactly go as many of us were expecting it to.” Fabiola sips her coffee, and Eleanor and Ben give each other a knowing glance.

“Yes, please tell the class, how did last night go for you, Fabiola?” Eleanor says, sipping her coffee.

Fabiola blushes.

\--------

Fabiola and Eve walk together into the kitchen, the party in full swing. The crowd jostles them closer together and Fabiola is relishing the feeling.

“Beer?” Eve offers, handing Fabiola a drink.

“Thanks,” Fabiola says, grabbing it from her. Their fingers touch briefly as she does and Fabiola swears that she can feel the electricity course through her. Probably enough to power Gears Brosnan if she could figure out how to harvest it. 

Eve grabs another drink for herself and leans against the counter, popping the top.

“So,” Fabiola starts, “how have you been?” She cringes, not sure how to start a conversation with your ex-girlfriend. Especially one who still looks so _hot._

“Sorry, what did you say?” Eve asks, stepping closer to Fabiola since the noise is a bit loud in the kitchen.

“I said,” Fabiola repeats, moving closer to Eve’s ear, “how have you been?”

Eve looks at her, their faces a foot apart. “Do you wanna maybe, talk somewhere quieter?”

Fabiola gulps, then nods her head in agreement. Eve leads the way and opens a door in the back hallway, away from most of the noise. She leads Fabiola into a bedroom. Eve’s bedroom. Eve takes a seat on one side of the bed and Fabiola, unsure, takes a seat beside her, keeping some distance.

“So, uh, I was just asking how you’ve been,” Fabiola starts, uncomfortably.

“This is weird, right?” Eve asks, ignoring the question. Fabiola laughs, relieved.

“So weird,” she agrees. “Um, but, it’s honestly really great to see you.” She internally slaps herself for being so vulnerable.

“It’s great to see you too,” Eve confirms with a warm smile, which makes Fabiola’s heart flip over in her chest. “I’m, uh, doing well, to answer your question. I’m happy in New York, which is more than I can say for California.”

“What are you up to?” Fabiola asks, and they spend the next little while catching each other up on their lives. Careers, friends. Eve grabs them another set of beers. A couple of sets, actually They keep talking.

“What about,” Eve clears her throat, even though the majority of the conversation has been easy between them, “uh, girlfriends? Seeing anybody?”

Fabiola can tell she’s trying to play it cool, but there’s never been anything cool about the two of them.

“Not currently, no,” Fabiola says with a timid smile. “You?”

“Not currently, no,” Eve mimics back, staring at Fabiola.

There’s a silence between them, heavy, as they stare at each other.

“You know, uh, I’d always sort of wondered what it would’ve been like if you didn’t move so far away for school,” Eve starts, tentative.

“I’ve sort of wondered the same thing,” Fabiola agrees, her eyes still locked on Eve’s.

“You know,” Fabiola continues, “since we both live in the area, maybe we could, I dunno, grab a drink sometime?” The last time she felt this nervous was presenting her final year project at MIT. It feels like the whole of her existence is riding on this one answer. She's never felt this way talking to another girl.

They’re still staring at each other, eyes locked.

Fabiola isn’t sure who moves first, but now they’re against each other, Eve’s lips on hers, Fabiola’s tongue in her mouth. Fabiola pushes her down, against the bed, and Eve moans a little underneath her. They flip, so that Eve’s on top, straddling her. Fabiola’s hand is under her shirt and Eve’s hands are on Fab’s face, stroking her cheeks, moving their way down—

They hear the doorknob jiggle and they fly off of each other, Ben and Eleanor standing in the doorway. It looks as though Eleanor’s been crying, but currently she and Ben mostly look shocked.

Eleanor makes up some feeble excuse and then closes the door. Fabiola collapses back against the bed.

“So…” Eve starts, rubbing her thighs, “Um, I’d really like to grab that drink sometime. If you would.” She’s smiling at Fabiola. Fabiola is smiling right back.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

They pause for a moment.

Eve is the one who breaks the silence.

“Do you maybe wanna make out some more?”

“Oh god, yes,” Fabiola replies, meeting Eve halfway, returning to their earlier position.

It's like Fabiola is transported back to high school. All of her love for Eve is returning shockingly quickly. She should maybe slow down, think things through, but that's the last thing on her mind.

They break apart after a bit. Eve’s forehead is resting against Fab’s neck. She’s now laying on top of her, nestled in Fabiola’s arms. Maybe it’s all the booze in her system, but Fabiola, without thinking, blurts out.

“You know, I never really stopped loving you.”

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she’s kicking herself. Not the smoothest thing she’s ever done. She keeps her eyes on the ceiling, too embarrassed to see Eve’s reaction.

“I never stopped either.”

This makes Fabiola turn her face down toward Eve, who’s giving her a small grin in return.

“Oh.” It’s all Fabiola can say. Eve swats her chest in return.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you, babe?” At her old term of endearment, Fabiola’s heart soars, and she grabs Eve’s face again, kissing her with all of the emotion she’s currently feeling.

“Guess not,” is all she says when they break apart, both of them grinning like lovesick fools.

“Should we, I dunno, get another drink?” Eve offers, her finger twirling against Fabiola’s chest. If Fabiola doesn’t leave this room now, she knows she won’t for a very long time.

“Yea, that’s probably a good idea,” she agrees. But before they can move, she kisses Eve one more time, quickly. “Sorry, I just like doing that.”

“I like it when you do it,” Eve offers in return, smiling. She pushes herself up and Fabiola follows her, only pausing when they open the door and see Eleanor and Paxton in the middle of making out.

\--------

“Paxton?” Devi says, squealing, looking past Ben at Eleanor. Eleanor is now sinking deeper and deeper into the couch.

Ben stiffens, nervous. He doesn’t know how much Devi knows about this, or if she’s even okay with it. At some point in the story, Devi grabbed Ben’s arm and is now curled up beside him. He doesn’t think she realized what she was doing and he doesn’t want to draw attention to it in case she moves away. She leans over top of him to interrogate Eleanor further.

“Maybe?” Eleanor offers. Her face is beet red.

“I _so_ called this one!” Devi exclaims, obviously elated to have been right. Ben is a touch confused but relieved that she seemed unperturbed. He relaxes. Or, as much as he can while Devi is so close.

Eleanor goes into her own abridged version of the events, skipping over her and Ben’s conversation. Instead, she picks up where Fabiola left off. Devi looks up at Ben when Eleanor brags about Ben’s wingman skills. He can feel Devi leaning in closer to him as though she's relaxing. Like the thought of Ben being Eleanor's wingman comforts her. Or maybe she just wants to hear Eleanor better. Unfortunately, that makes more sense to him when what he really wants is for Devi to be proud of him.

“Wait, so you are definitely dating now, right?” Devi asks Eleanor, trying to solidify the facts.

“I guess so?” Eleanor says with a smile, leaning back into the couch. “What about you, Fab?” Eleanor says with a giggle, wiggling her eyebrows.

“We’re taking it slow, but uh, yeah. I think so?”

Devi laughs, the joy clear on her face. Ben loves it when Devi is happy. It’s his favourite feeling in the world.

“What about you, Devi? What did you get up to?” Fabiola asks, sipping her coffee.

“Not much. Just hung out with Kelsey most of the night,” Devi replies, non-committal.

“What about you, Ben? I didn’t see you go,” Fab asks.

He can feel Devi’s eyes on the side of his face and her grip loosen on his arm. She shifts away. He knew it couldn’t last.

“I left right after I left Paxton and Eleanor,” Ben provides, shrugging as if it answers her question.

“Not right after,” Devi says, softly. But Eleanor hears it.

“Wait, what happened while I was with Paxton?” Eleanor asks, her gaze shifting between Devi and Ben. She’s hopeful. It’s not gone unnoticed by Eleanor (and Fabiola even) that this is the closest Devi and Ben have been to each other in almost a month.

“Nothing! I just said goodbye to Kelsey and Devi then headed out,” Ben offers, defensively.

“I mean, Kelsey did kiss you,” Devi says, shifting further away from Ben, but looking at him expectantly.

“What?” Fabiola and Eleanor both shout at the same time.

“On the cheek! She was drunk. I said goodbye right after.”

“After agreeing to go out on a date with her tomorrow,” Devi continues, trying to be aloof. Trying to act like she doesn’t care. Ben doesn’t know why she would.

“We’re not going on a date,” he says, rolling his eyes, while Fabiola and Eleanor stare at him in anticipation.

“Then why’d you say yes?” Devi asks, accusing him.

“She was drunk. I agreed to _hang out_ , figuring she wasn’t going to remember about it in the morning. Besides, we’re just friends.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Devi adds, the bitterness in her tone undeniable.

“Hey Fab, wanna take a look at something in my room for a sec?” Eleanor asks, flying off the couch and grabbing Fabiola’s arm. She drags her away before Fab can answer. Ben and Devi are now alone in the living room.

“Is everything okay?” Ben asks, the confusion written all over his face.

“Of course it’s okay. Why wouldn’t it be okay?” Devi asks, snapping back at him.

“It’s obviously not.” Ben stands up, moving away. Resigned. He grabs his coat and starts to put it on.

“Where are you going?” Devi asks, her voice small.

“Well, I dunno Devi. You’re obviously mad at me. You have been for weeks and I don’t know what to do about it. So, I’m going to go home. Unless you feel like talking, in which case, I’m going on a walk which you can feel free to join me for. Your move, Devi.” He opens the door and walks out, closing it behind him. Even in his anger, he still respectfully avoids slamming it.

Devi feels the tears coming to her eyes. She can’t help it. They’re flooding down her face now and she can’t control them.

Eleanor and Fabiola come out from Fabiola’s room. Fabiola is looking concerned, but Eleanor? She's looking downright pissed. Devi looks to her friends for comfort and is surprised by the hostility she receives instead.

“Guys?” she says, the tears still coming and her voice warbling.

“I swear to god, Devi, if you don’t go after that boy right this second, I will never forgive you.”

Devi looks up at Eleanor, shocked.

“What?” Devi says, her head reeling and her face soaked.

“He’s getting away! Go!” Fabiola yells, much more supportive than Eleanor, but also realizing the time constraint.

This seems to knock some sense into Devi. She isn't processing the implications behind this. She isn't thinking about how her friends obviously understand her feelings better than she does. She doesn't think about how Eleanor's anger is probably justified or how Fabiola's urgency probably means that Ben leaving will ruin Devi's life forever.

Instead, in an instant, she’s running to the door. She's sliding her shoes on and grabbing her keys and a sweater. She’s running down the hallway now and almost trips going down the stairs as she simultaneously attempts to throw on the sweater. Her mind is racing.

_What if he's not there? What if he's gone? Should I go to his place? Should I call him? Did I bring my phone? Would he even answer? He's leaving again. I've pushed him away and he's leaving again and this time I don't think I can recover if he does. I can't, I can't, I can't-_

She flings open the front door and sees Ben, his back to her. He's leaning on his car.

_Probably pissed at me. He has every right to be._

She doesn't know if she can speak. She also knows that if she doesn't, he's as good as gone.

“Ben,” she says, her face still wet, but the tears have stopped. Or they had, anyway, until Ben turns around. His eyes are distant and cold. It makes Devi want to cry all over again.

He takes in her appearance and nods, unsure what else to do. He wants nothing more than to gather her in his arms and never let her go. He knows he can’t. So instead, he says, “Wanna take a walk?”

She nods.

They fall into step beside each other. Devi wraps her cardigan tighter around herself while Ben has his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He kicks a pebble with his foot as he walks.

He isn’t saying anything. Devi knows this is her battle and she needs to be the one to make the first move. He’s been reaching out for months. Years, if she’s really honest. It’s her turn now.

“I’m sorry.”

Ben looks at her and smiles, tight-lipped. His eyes are still cold.

“It’s okay,” he says, although it doesn’t sound like he believes it. Devi's mind races.

_I could leave it here. We could go back to normal. Ben will always forgive me, even when I don't deserve it. He doesn't deserve it._

“No, it’s not,” Devi argues, looking down at her feet as she walks. “I was pissed at you and it wasn’t fair of me.”

“Well, that’s not completely true,” Ben says, guilt in his voice. “What I said, it wasn’t kind. I should be the one apologizing for that.”

They both know the conversation he's referring to. Devi has so many regrets about that day with her friends and how she handled that conversation. 

“It was true though and you know it. And it certainly didn’t warrant my behaviour. Especially since I sort of goaded you into it.”

“You didn’t goad me,” Ben replies, rolling his eyes slightly. His tone is closer to their usual banter, but not quite there yet.

“Well, I deserved it anyway. I’ve been a jerk. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” he offers. “Friends?” he asks, tentatively. His smile is small.

_I could stop. I could accept. I could-_

“Wait, I’m not done.” Devi stops in the middle of walking, frozen to the spot.

This is it. She can't turn back now.

Ben looks at her. Really looks at her. His eyes are still closed off from her, but Devi thinks she sees a small glimmer of something underneath it all.

_Hope._

It gives her the confidence she needs to continue. She sits down on the steps of the Brownstone beside them, her legs giving out a bit as she does. Shaking. She’s never been so nervous. Ben sits down beside her, tentatively.

“I need to apologize for something else.” Ben looks on at her, a touch of confusion on his face. But he waits for her.

_He’s always waited for me._

“I’m sorry for how I acted. Uh, after Malibu.”

Ben freezes. His eyes are now locked on her face, but Devi can’t look at him. Not and say what she needs to say.

“Malibu?” he says, his voice scratchy. Devi desperately wants to see the look on his face, but she can’t bear to turn her head.

“Not for Malibu,” Devi clarifies. It’s important he understands. “For what happened after Malibu." Her voice gets softer. Quieter. "I’ll never be sorry for what happened in Malibu.”

Ben doesn’t say anything, and Devi still can’t bear to look at him, so she continues. She raises her voice a bit again, hoping it will give her the confidence to continue.

“When we… when I kissed you, I don’t regret it. I never have. You had been there for me that whole week. I'd managed to push everyone else away and yet there you were, this perfect boy, who’d driven me all the way to Malibu even though it terrified you. It made no sense. I mean you should be fighting with me. I've said some really terrible shit to you. Instead, you were there for me. When I saw that you’d waited, I’d never felt so…” she trails off. She swallows, getting her bearings.

“So I kissed you. And when you kissed me back, god it felt like the whole ocean had opened up and swallowed me whole. It was everything. You were… everything. Um, it, kind of scared me.”

She can feel Ben’s gaze searing into the side of her face, as though begging her to look back at him. But she can’t. She’s not finished yet.

“On my way home, I remembered you had a girlfriend. I was mortified. There was no way you felt how I felt. So, I used that, the same way I always use _something_ to fuck everything up. I fixated on it and got angry with you even though you didn’t deserve it. _I’d_ kissed _you_. It wasn't your fault I have terrible timing. But now, I was able to be angry for kissing me when you were unavailable instead of feeling what I truly felt. I was scared by how much you meant to me. How much I wanted you. About how you might not feel the same. It wasn’t fair, but I ran.”

Ben’s hand is now on her thigh, his thumb moving back and forth. He's trying to comfort her. He's _always_ there for her. Even when she least deserves it. She looks down at his hand, staring, avoiding his face. She continues.

“You didn’t deserve that. And you didn’t deserve my cold shoulder. By Monday, you and Shira had broken up. God, I should've waited. I mean, I should've known you wouldn't stay with her. Choose her over me. Or even if you did, sure. Maybe you didn't feel the same way. But you didn't, and you didn’t deserve to see me and Paxton…. I mean, Paxton also didn’t deserve what I did to him. He didn’t deserve to be used like that. The truth is I was using him, hoping to forget about you and my feelings. I was just a kid, confused, unsure how to love after losing my dad. And I know it’s no excuse for what I did, but I’m apologizing anyway. I’m sorry for not talking to you for three years. I’m sorry for treating you like you didn’t matter when you’ve always mattered so much more than anyone else. I’m really, really sorry.”

The tears are back now, and she can see the puddles collecting on her pants. She takes a deep breath and keeps going, needing to finish what she started.

“I know I don’t deserve your friendship. I don’t deserve the kindness you showed me or the new start you offered. I certainly don’t deserve the joy you bring me every single day and I completely understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore.”

Ben tries to interrupt her for the first time since she’s started talking, but she doesn’t let him.

“And because I am who I am I apologize in advance for saying this because you really don’t deserve this either but I can’t _not_ tell you. I’m so in love with you Ben Gross."

His hand freezes. 

Devi knows she's messing everything up. She knows she needs Ben in her life and risking it right now could ruin her. She should just support him and love him from afar. But it's like the words are vomiting out of her. 

"I know that’s selfish of me to say and I know you couldn’t possibly feel the same way given how I’ve treated you. But if you think we could at least still be friends I-”

Devi isn’t able to finish her sentence before Ben’s grabbing the back of her head and pulling her toward him, kissing her. It’s urgent. Like it’s been pent up for far too long. But it’s also soft, as though it’s the most important thing that either of them has ever done.

They split apart and for the first time since starting her apology, Devi looks into Ben’s eyes. Her heart’s bursting. His eyes.

 _They're_ _like the sky, or the ocean. An old pair of blue jeans. Fresh cotton candy. Her favourite sweater she tugs on at the end of a long day or her Dad's old polo jersey. As grey as those face masks she does with Fab and El but as bright as a tropical fish roaming throughout a coral reef. His eyes are comforting and expansive, all at once._

Within the bluest eyes she’s ever seen, she sees something she never thought she’d ever see reflected.

Love.

“Would you shut up for five seconds? Please?” Ben jokes, still holding her face and looking at her, deep into her soul. For once, doing what she’s told, she nods, her eyes big and unsure.

“I really thought you were smarter than this, Devi.” She would be hurt by this if it wasn’t for his eyes, still full of love, locked on hers. “I’ve been in love with you since sophomore year. I don’t think I ever really stopped.”

She looks back at him, shocked by this revelation.

Her voice is soft. Afraid. Like she's waiting to wake up from a dream. “Really? Since then?” She doesn’t believe it. She needs to hear it again.

“Honestly, probably long before then. You get under my skin, David. You’re it for me. Always have been.”

She closes the space between their faces as quickly as she can, kissing him. This time, Devi leans into it with everything she has. Where before there was hesitation, now all of the love she has been holding in her heart for Ben her whole life flows from her. Her mind is reeling. Her pulse is racing. She's grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him closer, trying to fill up the emptiness in her heart with him. Only him. 

They separate eventually, their foreheads resting against each other.

“I love you, Ben,” she says again. Really hoping he hears her.

“I love you too,” he replies. She can feel his breath on her lips and it tickles. She loves it. Loves _him_.

“So, are we still friends?” Devi asks, hopeful. Half of her heart is joking. Half is still uncertain of their future.

Ben laughs, exasperated. It’s a sound she’s more than familiar with and it comforts her. It feels usual. It feels like them.

“Devi, I don’t want to be just friends with you after this.”

“Friends with benefits?” Devi offers, hoping to bug him again. She can’t help it. It’s what she does.

“David, what am I going to do with you?” he replies as he moves forward and kisses her again. This time, she deepens the kiss, opening her mouth to him slightly, an invitation.

He replies back with his tongue, causing Devi’s heart to race and her grip on him to tighten. Her hand shoots up into his hair, pulling him closer as her other hand grips his shirt. She can feel his heartbeat through her hand. His hand is in her hair and the other on her waist, squeezing her as if she might disappear any second. They're moving quickly, frantically, making up for lost time. Yet somehow, they're crawling, moving slowly enough to remember every movement they make.

When they finally pull apart, Devi pulls him back in close, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him as tight as she can. He responds by doing the same. She tucks her face into his neck, breathing in his scent. Sandalwood and laundry detergent. Fiery and calm, all at once. Balanced.

“So that’s a yes to the friends with benefits thing?” Devi asks, pushing her luck. Ben laughs and pulls back, the joy clear on his face.

“David, I always knew you wanted to use me for my body.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her, but his face is beaming. Like he can't stop smiling. Devi's sure his cheeks will hurt tomorrow because she knows hers will too.

Devi replies to that with a lighthearted slap on his chest.

“As if, Gross. If anything, you’re using me.”

“For what, exactly?” While he asks this, he moves toward her neck, planting a string of kisses from her ear down to her shoulder. It sends shivers up her spine.

“Sex, probably. Maybe a bit of everlasting love and affection, while we’re at it.” She’s getting flustered at his touch, especially considering they’re still sitting out in the open. She looks up at a tree that’s just starting to turn colours, trying to distract herself. She can feel him smiling against her neck.

She doesn't know if it's too soon to be spouting off forevers. She's never moved this quickly into something in her life. She's been plenty fast at moving away, but never towards something. Someone. But this isn't just anyone. It's Ben. All she wants is to wrap herself in his arms forever and never let him go. She doesn't deserve him, but she intends to spend the rest of her life trying.

“Well, not sure how that could be the case, seeing as we haven’t had sex, Devi.” His mouth continues to do unsettling things to her neck and she extends her neck, encouragingly, even though she knows they shouldn’t do this here.

“Wanna change that?” Ben pulls away at that, one eyebrow raised in question and a smirk on his face.

“So, you _want_ me to just use you for your body?” he asks, pleased with the reaction he’s managed to get out of Devi. She's so obviously flustered and Ben _loves_ it.

She slaps him on his chest again, her brain a little fuzzy.

“What you can do with those lips should be illegal,” is all she can say in reply and she leans against him, catching her breath.

He laughs and strokes the back of her head lovingly.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he replies, squeezing her waist with his hand. She squeals a bit, the action tickling her.

He gives her a shit-eating grin and she kisses it off his face. A short, sweet kiss. She's so glad she can do that now. She never wants to stop kissing him. She smiles at him, so smitten in hurts.

“Should we, uh, go back? Are you cold?” he asks, concern in his eyes as he rubs the sides of her arms. It's nice to be cared for.

“The opposite of cold, actually, but yeah, we probably should go back.” He rolls his eyes at the innuendo. 

He stands up and offers her his hand, which she gladly takes. She interlocks her fingers with his. They fit together perfectly as if they were made to fit together.

They walk back to Devi’s apartment, chatting as they walk. Teasing each other mercilessly the entire way. Some things may have changed, but some haven't. It's comforting. When they reenter the apartment, the both of them smiling, Devi sees Fabiola and Eleanor watching some old episode of _New Girl._

It’s hard to miss the glow that surrounds Devi and Ben, but if that didn’t give it away, their interlocked hands did the trick.

“You’re back,” Eleanor says, a knowing look on her face. Devi drags Ben over to the couch and they sit down. Devi curls up beside him, leaning into him. His arms move to the back of the couch, around Devi's figure. 

“Yep,” Devi says in reply, blushing profusely.

“A long walk,” Fabiola says in reply, looking at them both with her eyebrows raised.

“Just got to talking,” Ben offers. His arm has moved down and his hand is now on Devi’s back, stroking her up and down. As if he's unconsciously keeping her close. As though she might run at any minute.

_Joke's on him. He's stuck with me now._

“Right. Talking. Definitely just talking,” Eleanor adds. Ben and Devi’s faces flush while Fabiola holds back a laugh.

“I take that to mean they were making out?” Fabiola asks, hoping to clarify and release the tension in the room.

“Fab!” Devi screams, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at her friend.

“Uh, yeah,” Ben replies. Devi looks up at him, her mouth agape, but the smile is resting just behind the mock-outrage.

“Nice one Benny,” Eleanor offers back, raising her hand for a high-five.

“Eleanor!” Devi screams again, this time putting her face against Ben’s chest. She can feel it shaking with laughter. “What’s so funny, huh Gross? God, you’re incorrigible.” She whacks his chest again, flustered. He gives her a peck on the top of her head in return, pulling her tighter against him.

“Yep, not gonna deny that.” This gets him another slap on the chest. “Ow!”

“You deserved it,” Devi replies, her face now turned toward the tv screen, her body fully cuddling Ben on the couch now.

“Would you two get a room? I wanna know what happens,” Fab says, teasing. She waves her hand at her friends and motions toward the tv screen. She has a knowing smile on her face, though, understanding her part in all the fuss.

They both blush and Fabiola grins. She and Eleanor are obviously unaffected by this change in dynamic. As if there hasn't been a change in dynamic at all. As though they've been in love for years. Devi supposes they have been. The episode is finishing when Eleanor’s phone dings. She checks it and grins.

“Go be with lover boy,” Devi says while she rolls her eyes.

Eleanor looks up, confused. “How did you--”

“It’s written all over your face,” Fabiola replies, grinning.

“Oh don’t act so smug you,” Eleanor counters, “I know you’ve been texting Eve this whole time.”

“Just go, both of you. Good grief,” Devi says, and her friends grin back at her.

“You’re just saying that so you and _Benny_ can be alone,” Eleanor teases.

“So what? It’s not like you don’t wanna go jump Paxton as we speak.”

Fabiola laughs until Eleanor shoots her a look.

“As if you don’t want to go see Eve too.”

Fabiola shrugs, not denying it.

“Yea, feel free to go anytime,” Ben offers, squeezing Devi closer and making her heart race.

“Ben!” Devi screams into his chest. The implication is obvious.

“What? Just being a supportive friend,” he says with a shit-eating grin, which earns a collective groan from the group and a pillow to the face from Fabiola, who's tossed it from her spot in the chair.

“Okay, nope, I can’t be around _the hets_ anymore. Imma bounce,” Fabiola says, heading for the door.

“Say hi to Eve,” Ben says, and Fabiola grins in return.

“I will. Come on, El, you coming? I'm sure Paxton wouldn't mind the distraction.”

Eleanor is off the couch before Fabiola can finish her sentence.

“As if I wanna third wheel these two all afternoon.” She grabs her things and turns around before she leaves, facing the couple.

“I’m glad you both got over your bullshit. I was tired of hearing you both moon after each other all day long.” She sends them a wink and her and Fabiola are out the door.

Ben turns to Devi. “Mooning, eh?” His voice is teasing.

“Oh shut up,” Devi says, pulling him down into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter title is from Manhattan - Sara Bareilles // title is from Supercut - Lorde]


	10. Epilogue: as the night dissolves into this final frame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, this is the end of this saga (or at least everything I had planned out and written). Thank you everyone for reading and commenting your thoughts. I've never really done something like this before, so it was so wonderful to hear what everyone thought. I doubt I'm completely done writing about these goofs, but as life gets busier I'm at least happy I was able to finish something.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy some day-to-day fluff of the gang, and relish in some of the long-awaited Benvi nonsense. Again, thank you so much to everyone for reading!!

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

Ben’s knocking on his friends’ apartment door, rubbing his hands without much thought, trying to warm them back up. It’s really starting to get colder out. The door opens and on the other side is Devi, with a large smile on her face. Without a word, she leaps on him and gives him a sweet kiss, her arms around his neck.

He’s a bit surprised, but he leans into it, accepting her affection greedily. He will never get tired of kissing her. Knowing he can do it whenever he wants only makes him want to do it more.

“Hello to you too,” he says with a smile when they break apart, her eyes shining into his like the reflection of the sun on the waves in California. Where their love story began.

“Got a problem, Gross?” Devi quips back. They may have been officially dating for two months, but Ben doubts that most of the world knows it given how they act around each other. They still bicker like they’re mortal enemies. Or an old married couple, according to Eleanor.

“Hmmm,” he pauses, as though considering it. Devi scoffs at him and he smiles back at her. “Nope, I think I’m good.” He closes the distance between them and kisses her again, slowly this time, relishing her lips on his.

Somebody clears their throat behind them, which leads to them breaking apart, rolling their eyes at the interruption since they know who it is.

Eleanor is in the doorframe, holding a bag of garbage on her way to the curb.

“Oh good, Benny, you’re here. Why don’t you make yourself useful and take this to the curb.”

“Good morning Eleanor,” he says, rolling his eyes and grabbing the bag.

“Eleanor!” Devi yells out with indignation at her roommate. “Ben, you really don’t have to take that.”

“I know, but I will, and that’s what makes me such a _doting_ boyfriend.” He grabs the bag from Eleanor and keeping the garbage far away from Devi, he leans down and gives her a chaste peck before making his way down the hallway.

“You really need to stop using my boyfriend for your personal gain,” Devi quips to Eleanor, her tone light, showing Eleanor she doesn’t really mean it.

“Hey before he was your boyfriend, he was my friend. If he wants to help out, so be it.” Eleanor says with a smile as she re-enters their unit.

Devi scowls at her as she follows her in, collapsing on the couch and leaving the door unlocked for Ben.

He comes back up momentarily, washing his hands and then sitting down beside Devi on the couch. He rotates himself so he can place his head in her lap, looking up at her. Devi rolls her eyes but starts playing with his hair, scratching her nails on his scalp and twirling his locks on her fingers.

He closes his eyes, the bliss clear on his face.

“You’re like a puppy, you know that?” Devi teases. If his eyes were open, her look of true love would be evident on her face.

“Hmmm but you love puppies,” he replies back, eyes still closed and a big smile on his face.

“This one’s especially needy though,” she continues, watching Ben sink deeper and deeper into bliss. Since talking things though a couple of months ago, Ben’s vulnerability has been at an all-time high around her. Devi didn’t realize how _cute_ he could be when she fell in love with him. Alright, so maybe she did, seeing as she fell in love with him and all. But if she’d known he would be like this all the time?

Let’s just say that if she could travel back in time and knock some sense into sophomore year Devi, she absolutely would.

Although, if she had, maybe she wouldn’t be here now. And maybe her roommate wouldn’t be so smitten with her ex-boyfriend, which albeit is sort of weird. But, they’re so obviously in love she doesn’t let it bother her.

It helps that she has Ben around to distract her.

Fabiola comes out of her room, rolling a suitcase. She props it up in the hallway and then sits down in the chair next to them, spent.

“Hey Ben,” Fab offers, kicking his stretched-out foot with her own in greeting.

“Oh, hey Fab,” he says, opening one eye and looking at her with a smile. He stretches, more like a cat than a dog now, and sits up, giving Devi and peck on the cheek as he does. “Is Eve coming today?”

“Nah, she has to work. But she’s coming tonight, obviously.”

“Ah, too bad,” he replies, his fingers twirling absentmindedly with Devi’s as he now sits beside her.

“Eleanor, you almost ready?” Devi yells without getting up.

“Be there in a minute!” she replies. Something comes crashing down in her room and the group winces collectively. “I’m okay!”

They all roll their eyes and look at each other knowingly. Classic Eleanor.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Devi asks, looking at Ben.

“Beats me, I just showed up on time,” Ben replies with a shrug. “Fab?”

“Don’t look at me. This is all Eleanor.”

“And what fun would it be if I spoiled the surprise?” Eleanor adds, looking like she might overheat in her outfit, which would be cozy if it were actually cold inside. “Ben, did you bring gloves?”

“And a hat and a scarf, yes. I _bundled up_ , as per my orders.”

“Good. Devi and Fab, you should do the same.”

“Can you _please_ just tell us where we’re going?” Devi asks again, her voice whiny like a small child. It makes Ben smile. He squeezes her hand.

“Hmmm let me think about that… Nope!” Eleanor replies flippantly as she opens the door, signalling that it’s time to leave.

He obviously didn’t know much about their plans for today, but he did know that Eleanor had planned some big day of “fun.” Tomorrow, they will all catch a flight back to California for the holidays. Ben wasn’t really all that excited to be separated from Devi for so long, but he was grateful knowing they wouldn't;t be split up the whole time. He had already been invited to Christmas at her house since his family doesn't celebrate. He and Devi were also going to be back in time to celebrate the final night of Hannukah with his folks, assuming they bothered to show up.

Since they were all headed back in the same direction, the California group had purchased seats on the same flight home, scheduling their respective vacation days around it. Ben and Paxton were going to stay the night and carpool with Fab, Eleanor, and Devi to the airport. Eve and Kelsey were going to meet them there, but they’d all agreed to have one last dinner together. Even Aaron was invited. He and Kelsey, as it turns out, had been hooking up since the beginning of the year. Their relationship still wasn’t completely clear, but they at least seem on speaking terms now, seeing as he was coming with Kelsey tonight for dinner.

Kelsey had explained it all to Devi the night of the housewarming party. Aaron had been purposefully trying to start a bit of drama hoping to get everyone to admit some truth to each other. There was some history to that which Devi was unaware of, it seems. Of course, this didn't bring Kelsey and him closer and instead lead to Kelsey and Devi's heart to heart where Devi suggested Kelsey put herself out there and make Aaron a bit jealous. She wasn't expecting her to go after _Ben_.

Devi told Ben about all this later. As an explanation for why she thought his "date" with Kelsey was a much bigger deal than he seemed to have. For old Devi and Ben, this would've started a fight or some passive-aggressive avoidance. However, they were much more interested in talking through misunderstandings now. Too many of them have kept them apart over the years. So instead, Ben laughed at the idea of being Kelsey's rebound, and even more at the thought that Devi would think he'd ever had eyes for anyone but her. Devi rolled her eyes at this, but couldn't help the smile that crept on her face. She knows Kelsey's mortified about the whole Ben thing since Devi and Ben got together so soon after. Everyone seems to have forgiven and forgotten. Plus, it prompted Kelsey to confront Aaron in the end. Turns out, Aaron had been trying to make Kelsey jealous too, which she just took as him being a player. Whatever the two of them were now, they were at least happy. 

But for today, it was just the four of them, Eleanor leading the charge. Paxton was in an exam and Eve at work, so it was back to the original group from the beginning of this year.

They’re walking, so wherever they’re off to must be close. Eleanor’s hooked her arm in Devi’s and they’re walking ahead, leading the charge, as he and Fabiola discuss the newest smartwatch her company is going to release. Ben’s already purchased the one she showed him before and he's always telling everyone he meets about it. Devi’s finds it endearing. He's always rooting for Fabiola.

They’re coming up on the LeFrank Center, and Devi knows what Eleanor’s up to.

“Alright, we’re here!” Eleanor says, arms wide, as she stops in front of the outdoor skating rink.

“Wow, I haven’t been skating in years,” Fabiola remarks, obviously excited by the prospect.

“I thought it would be fun to do some wintery activities today. Relish the cold before we’re back in California for Christmas.” She’s smiling, obviously enamoured by her own plan.

“Well, I think it’s a great idea. I can skate circles around Ben,” Devi replies, the competitive glint in her eye.

“You think so, David? Have you ever taken lessons?”

“What, like it’s hard? I’ll pick it up in no time.”

Ben laughs, already knowing how this will go. “Okay, sure. I’d love to see it.”

“Game on, Gross,” she says with a competitive tone as she makes her way toward the skate rental booth.

They all pay for their skates and try them on for size. Ben pays for both his and Devi’s, the shopkeeper giving him a wink as he does. He smiles back warmly, happy to be able to do things for her. For _his girlfriend_. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of that.

Devi is doing up her laces, and they’re obviously way too loose. Ben’s family enrolled him in lessons when he was young, looking for more ways to keep him occupied without having to spend time with him themselves. The irony of enrolling their California baby in skating lessons was obviously lost on them.

Because of this, he knows how to skate. He also knows that if Devi goes out there with her laces like this, she’ll twist her ankle. He kneels down in front of her and looks up, kindly.

“Your laces look a little loose. Need a hand?”

Devi blushes something fierce. Her competitive edge is getting the better of her, but Ben’s look softens her resolve.

“They look fine to me,” she replies, not saying no.

Ben doesn’t wait for the signal, getting to work on loosening her laces further so that he can get a good grip and tighten them up around her ankles.

“If they’re too loose, your foot will shift around. It can really mess your ankle up if you don’t have enough support. Let me know if it’s too tight. It should feel like it’s compressing you without cutting off your circulation, okay?”

Devi nods, worrying her bottom lip as she looks down on her dotting boyfriend. If he had tried to help her like this even two months ago, she would’ve run away, or said some remark to make him give up on her. Now, she just accepts the help graciously. Or, as graciously as she can. She still doesn’t like looking weak.

“Too tight?” he asks as she winces a bit.

“Maybe,” she replies, unsure. He loosens the laces a bit and he looks up to see if that’s any better. She nods, reassuringly. She looks off to her right, where Fabiola is helping Eleanor with her skates, her own already on her feet.

“Hey Ben,” Fabiola asks, “does this look alright to you?”

“Looks great to me. How does it feel, El?”

“So weird! I’ve never worn hockey skates before.”

“Hockey stakes are way more stable, so they say anyway,” Ben replies. He gets to work on Devi’s other skate.

“Yea, I can see that,” Eleanor replies, wobbling around on the foam flooring. “When I used figure skates, I was always toppling down. Hopefully, these help me.” She beams, obviously eager to get on the ice.

“You two go ahead,” Devi motions to Fab and Eleanor, who are already skated up. They’re just waiting on her and Ben, who hasn’t gotten his own skates on yet.

“You sure?” Fab asks, willing to wait.

“Yea, go, we’ll catch up.”

Eleanor smiles and grabs Fabiola’s arm for balance.

“Come on Fab, I wanna see how much I can remember.”

Ben finishes lacing up Devi’s skates and gets started on his own. Devi’s watching him work. She’s always been impressed by Ben. He's so smart. His knowledge is something she’s always been drawn towards.

“Need something, David?” He says with a smirk while he tightens his own laces.

“You’re cute, you know that?” Devi says with a smile. She only softens when it’s just the two of them, her own vulnerability out in the open. It was scary, at first, but she trusts Ben not to stomp on her heart or make fun of her for it. It helps that he’s just as open with her.

“Hmm, am I? That’s good to know,” he says with a smirk. But he sits himself up and plants a kiss on Devi’s cheek, making her blush. They’re not huge into PDA, but he can’t help himself sometimes. “You’re cute too.” He looks into her eyes as he says that. Devi lifts her hand and strokes his cheek, so in love with him that it hurts.

After a moment, she pats his cheek lightly. “Come on, loverboy, I wanna skate.”

He rolls his eyes, both of them knowing she’s the one who distracted him. He doesn't mention it, though. Instead, he finishes up his other skate. He stands up and offers his hand to Devi, who takes it gratefully. He leads her over to the ice and steps onto it himself, holding out both of his hands to her.

At first, she doesn’t take them, trying to get onto the ice herself, but after one step she’s reaching out to his for balance, grasping his hands in her own.

“Wow, slippery,” is all she has to say, as her knees wobble with the effort of keeping herself upright.

“Yeah, it is ice, it’s sort of to be expected,” he teases her, holding them in one spot while she gets her bearings.

“You know, I’d smack you right now if I didn’t need you to stay upright,” she replies back, earning her a snort of derision from Ben.

“So, you admit that you need me, David? Oh, how many years I’ve been waiting for you to say it!” His voice gets mockingly grandiose, earning him an eye roll.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Sure, but I’ll take any crumbs of affection you throw at me.”

“As if I didn’t already confess my love for you.” She rolls her eyes, her legs stronger now. She starts shuffling her feet back and forth slightly, which does nothing to move her forward. Ben’s hands are still firmly in her own, keeping her in place. It’s sort of fun, actually.

“Did you? I think I missed that part,” Ben lies, obviously, since they’re standing here now.

“Sure you did. Now how do I move?” Devi asks, gaining confidence.

“Okay, so skating is half walking, half gliding. You can take your feet off the ice if you're pushing forward, but you should always have at least one foot on the ground, usually. Try pushing forward with your foot.”

“Okay, but don’t let go, alright?”

Ben chuckles. “I won’t.”

Trying to figure out what pushing with her foot means, Devi shuffles her feet forward a little bit before gaining the courage to push one backward and up off the ice, if only for a moment. This gives her a little speed, which Ben leans into, skating backwards to move with her momentum.

“You got it. Now try with your other foot as well, a couple of times in a row.”

She does what she’s told and starts to move forward.

“I’m doing it!”

“Yea, you’ve got the hang of it now,” Ben agrees, both hands still in hers.

“I told you I’d pick it up in no time,” Devi says confidently. Ben laughs at this since it’s a classic Devi move.

“And that you did. Think you’re ready to let go yet?”

“Not on your life, Gross.” Ben laughs at this.

“Hey, you two!” Eleanor says giddily as she skates up beside them. She’s not elegant, but she’s holding her own, which is more than Devi can say at the moment.

“Hey, you’re not too shabby,” Ben replies, nodding to her with his head.

“Yea, who knew? Fabiola’s skating circles around me though.”

At her name, Fabiola glides up and joins Ben in skating backwards.

“When did you learn how to skate?” Devi asks, trying to push herself more like she sees Fabiola doing.

“I have cousins up north that we used to visit over the holidays. I grew up skating every year.”

“Oh, cool,” Devi replies, tying her focus on her movements, which Ben has been matching.

“You’re not doing so badly yourself, for a first-timer,” Eleanor remarks, steadying herself on Fabiola’s shoulder for a minute.

“She did warn us,” Ben teases, which gets him a fake glare from his girlfriend.

“I’m going to make another loop. See how long I can go before I wipe out.” Eleanor remarks, before speeding off, not very quickly but faster than Devi. Fabiola smiles at the couple and shrugs.

“Guess I should go make sure she doesn’t crack her skull open. I’ll be back.” She zooms off after Eleanor, slowing once she’s caught up with her.

“You know, if you want to go skate with Fabiola, I’m sure Elanor could help me stay upright,” Devi offers, realizing she’s probably holding Ben back.

“Nah, I think I’m good right here,” he remarks with a smile. He lets go of one of her hands, which causes Devi to yelp with fear. He doesn’t move though, there to steady her if she needs it. When it appears as though she’s handling the change alright, he moves beside her, linking their arms together so that he can steady her further.

“Thanks, for helping me learn,” Devi replies with a blush. It still feels weird being vulnerable with Ben, but she also wants nothing more than to let him know how much she values him. She doesn’t want to repeat her mistakes.

“Anytime,” he replies with a genuine smile and Devi’s heart contracts. She’ll never get tired of seeing that smile.

“Okay, I think I wanna go faster.”

“Faster, eh?” Ben looks at her with a devilish grin.

“But not too much faster—Ben!”

She shrieks a bit when he picks up speed, taking her with him. He’s still not going especially fast, but they’re definitely skating more than stumbling along. Devi’s laughing. She feels so free, and Ben helps her feel far more graceful than she probably is.

They skate like this for a while, Eleanor and Fabiola catching up with them eventually and linking their arms together as a group.

\-----

After a while, they skate off the ice and into the seating area. They take off their skates, their rental period almost over and the sunlight dimming. Eleanor’s spotted a hot chocolate booth off to the side and suggested they stop for some. So, after returning their skates, they’re sitting for a moment with their hot cocoas, relishing the warmth.

Devi’s sitting beside Ben, her head on his shoulder and his arm is around her. Fabiola and Eleanor are sitting side by side as well, chatting away.

Eleanor’s phone dings and she reads the message, then pulls her head up looking around. When she spots what she’s looking for, she smiles and waves.

Ben looks up and sees Paxton, who’s walking in their direction. He walks up behind Eleanor and squeezes her, giving her a light peck on the cheek.

“Hey everyone,” he says to the group, who all smile in return and make room for him at their spot on the bench, overlooking the rink.

“How was the exam?” Eleanor asks, wrapping her hand in his instinctively.

“Good, I think. And just like that, I’m all done for the semester.”

“Congratulations,” Eleanor says with so much love in her voice, it’s almost nauseating.

“Thank you. How was your afternoon?” He asks the group, who in turn fills him in on their antics for the afternoon, including Eleanor’s fall count, which was surprisingly only the once, and Devi’s newfound skill of skating backwards (which is really just Ben pushing her along).

Their conversation turns into plans for tomorrow and soon it’s almost completely dark out. They recycle their cups and gather themselves for the relatively short walk back to the girls’ place. Eve should be showing up soon, which means Kelsey and Aaron won’t be far behind.

Nobody’s sure if there’s really enough room for them all at their small dining room table, but Eleanor insisted on having a nice, sit-down holiday meal before they all went their separate ways in California.

Once back in the apartment, Eve doesn’t take long to show up, and the group gives her and Fab time alone in the hallway. Paxton does holler a little when Fabiola re-enters covered in Eve’s lipstick, but Eve slugs him in the shoulder in return, seating herself beside him.

Eve and Paxton have gotten pretty close lately, finding out their mutual friendship with Kelsey isn’t the only thing they have in common.

Eleanor is in the kitchen with Ben. Nobody knows why the two most clueless cooks are in the kitchen. Everyone is relieved when Kelsey shows up with Aaron and takes over from them, putting them to work as sous-chefs.

Nobody said to do so, but everyone is dressed up for the evening, pulling out their holiday clothes. There’s a Christmas tree in the living room that the three roommates decorated together back in November. Eleanor has zero chill when it comes to the holidays.

Devi’s looking around at this group of people in her home. Her heart warms at the way Kelsey, Ben, and Eleanor are working in the kitchen. El and Ben are getting into fights over whether measuring is really necessary. Fabiola and Eve are chatting with Paxton and Aaron, and they’re all chatting about their respective holiday activities. Aaron’s family lives in the area, so he’s the only one not flying out tomorrow.

Devi’s smiling, the glow of the Christmas lights warming her heart, and the eggnog probably helping as well. She feels a pair of arms slip around her from behind and a chin land on her shoulder. She turns her face so she can see Ben’s face. He smiles at her and gives her a kiss on the cheek. He squeezes her tightly back against him as he does.

“Hey you, finished with your kitchen duties?” she asks, stroking her hands down his forearms, which are still latched around her stomach.

“You could say that. You could also say Eleanor and I got kicked out for arguing.”

“Hmmm, couldn’t relinquish control, Gross?”

“She didn’t want to measure the flour for the crust!”

“Oh, what a monster,” Devi teases. Ben pouts at her, jokingly, and sticks his face into the crook of her neck and blows. This tickles and so she swats him away. He gives her a shit-eating grin in return.

“Anyone better in the kitchen than this dope?” Devi asks the group, nodding her head in Ben’s direction and then motioning to Kelsey, who’s now handling dinner preparations on her own.

“I take offence to that by association!” Eleanor replies, collapsing beside Paxton on the couch, who puts his arm around her in return.

“Yea, what she said,” Ben replies, trying to tickle Devi again.

“I can’t guarantee my abilities, but I think I have an in with the chef,” Aaron jokes, excusing himself into the kitchen where he proceeds to distract the chef with a kiss.

“Anyone less distracting?” Devi asks with a laugh, which lands her a dishtowel to the head. It was thrown by Kelsey, who obviously heard that.

“Come on Eve. Think you could show me a thing or two about making potatoes?” Fabiola asks, getting up and extending her hand to her girlfriend.

“I think I can whip something up.”

The room groans in response. Fabiola and Eve are always telling each other puns and dad jokes, trying to one-up the other. It’d be cute, except for the rest of the group has to put up with it too.

Ben moves over to the spot Fabiola and Eve just vacated, pulling Devi along and nestling her at his side.

\-----

Dinner is served and they’re joking around the table, passing plates of food around and thanking Kelsey for an amazing job. (Shoutouts are also given to Aaron, Fab, and Eve, who helped her efforts. Ben and Eleanor argue they helped too, but are shot down).

Eleanor raises her glass, in a toast.

“To my absolutely ridiculous friends. Who knew even two months ago that we’d all be here, celebrating the holidays together? I sure wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“Especially these two, with their fighting,” Aaron says, motioning to Ben and Devi, who shoots her tongue out at him in response.

“As if you and Kelsey are any better, dweeb,” Eve retorts, which earns her one of Aaron's award-winning grins in response. He plants a kiss on Kelsey’s temple. She blushes at the attention.

“I mean the real surprise is El and Pax if we’re being honest,” Devi says, teasing her roommate.

“Only because you and Ben have been hopelessly in denial since high school,” Eleanor retorts, obviously sour her speech had gotten derailed.

“Wait, since high school?” Paxton says with one eyebrow raised at Devi. There’s obviously no hurt feelings between them, but it still makes Devi blush. She knows she didn’t treat Paxton well. She really needs to apologize for that.

“She said in denial for a reason!” Devi replies, not thinking before speaking, hoping to get the attention off of her.

“So, you admit you were in denial, David?” Ben teases, making Devi blush even deeper.

“Since when is this the ‘gang up on Devi’ party?” Devi wails in reply. Ben kisses her cheek in apology, mentally saving this tidbit of information to tease her with later.

“Well, I think Eve and I could have guessed it,” Fabiola says with a proud grin, eliciting a soft smile from her girlfriend.

“Yea, okay Fab. Seeing as you froze completely when you found out that Eve moved back to the city, I don’t think you can be playing the ‘cool, calm, and collected’ card right now,” Eleanor says, rolling her eyes. She’s still standing, her glass in the air, her speech obviously long since out the window.

“No need to tell the whole room, El,” Fabiola replies, embarrassed. Eve whispers something in her ears and she blushes further, but smiles.

“Now can I get back to my speech without interruption goddammit?” Eleanor asks the room. They all reply with an apologetic grin, which motivates Eleanor to continue.

“I just wanted to say that I’m so grateful I have each and every one of you in my life. I didn’t realize when I moved away five years ago just how much I’d miss California. But you all bring the best parts of it here. Even you Aaron,” she adds before he can argue with her.

“So here’s to friendship, and communication and forgiveness and all that good stuff. May the next year bring just as much happiness our way as this one has.” Everyone smiles, raising their cups in agreement. “Now, let’s dig in!”

They clink their cups together and do as their told.

\-------

As the night comes to a close, Ben and Devi are standing in the kitchen, washing dishes. They’ve already said their goodbyes to Kelsey, Eve, and Aaron, who are going back to their respective homes to pack up their belongings before leaving the city tomorrow. Aaron’s carpooling with Kelsey and Eve to the airport, even though he’s not flying with them all.

Ben’s humming along with some Christmas tune, which Devi’s previously teased him about knowing. (“ _Christmas music is everyone, David. I couldn’t escape from it if I tried.”_ ) The lights are twinkling and the room is quiet. Eleanor and Paxton are cuddling on the couch, whispering sweet nothing to each other.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Ben asks, handing her another dish.

“Hmmm,” she offers, meeting his eyes with a smile. “I think my thoughts are worth more than a penny.”

“I agree, wholeheartedly,” Ben teases, playing along. “How about two pennies?”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

“It’s what I do,” he agrees with a smile. She smiles in return.

“Just thinking bout this. How I could get used to it.”

“Washing dishes?” Ben asks, teasing.

“With you? Yea.” Devi isn’t often this sincere. But the spirit is getting to her.

“Me too,” Ben says in agreement, washing the last dish. She dries it as he plants a kiss on her exposed shoulder from behind. “I love you,” he mumbles into her ear, just loud enough for her to hear it. She wraps her arm around his head, stroking him fondly. She still holds the now dried dish with her other hand.

“I love you too,” she replies, stroking his face and then letting him go so he can stand back up and away from her shoulder. She puts the dish away and hangs up the cloth. Devi looks over at Eleanor and Paxton. “Alright you two, time for bed.”

Fabiola’s just re-entered the apartment, taking her time saying goodbye to Eve. She hadn’t wanted to distract her by coming over, since she still needs to pack before they leave in the morning.

“Bed. Now I could be talked into that,” Fabiola agrees, slipping off her shoes and stretching a little.

“Five more minutes, mom?” Eleanor says with a pout, her and Paxton wrapped up on the couch under a blanket, half falling asleep.

“Alright, suit yourselves. I for one, need to get some sleep before sitting on a plane for five hours.”

“We’ll shut down out here,” Eleanor replies, snuggling herself into Paxton with a smile.

“Goodnight, see you all in the morning,” Fabiola offers before going into her bedroom to get ready.

“G’night” the group echoes back.

“What time are we getting up tomorrow?” Paxton asks the room.

“We’re aiming to be out of here by 10, latest,” Ben offers.

“So that means ready by nine, Eleanor,” Devi teases.

“I’ll make it on time. I always do,” Eleanor replies defensively. She's obviously proud of her ability to just barely skirt by, however.

“We’ll be ready by nine,” Paxton jokes, getting poked in the side by Eleanor in response.

“We’ll see you then, then. Goodnight,” Devi offers, which they respond to before turning back into their own world.

Ben and Devi get ready for bed and slide under her covers. Devi’s lying with her head on Ben’s chest, listening to his heartbeat while he texts his mum, letting her know his E.T.A. tomorrow.

“There,” he says, putting his phone away and switching off the light. “I know she won’t care, but at least now she can’t say I didn’t tell her.”

“You know, you’re welcome to drive back with me and my mum. I’m sure she’d be happy to drop you off at your place on our way back.”

“You sure? I haven’t seen your mum since… graduation I guess.”

“Yeah, of course. If anything, she’ll be thrilled by the extra time to grill you about your life and your intentions with her daughter.”

“Oh goodie,” Ben says flatly, which leads Devi to giggle.

“She’ll love you. She already does, really. She always loved you back in high school.”

“She did?” Ben asks, unsure. He’s always unsure, and it breaks Devi’s heart a little.

“Of course. She was always complaining you weren’t around anymore while I was dating Paxton. I think she had always wished I were dating you instead.” Devi’s grateful he can’t see the blush on her face while she admits this. It’s still hard, talking about that time with Ben. The darkness makes it a bit easier.

“Well, that makes two of us,” Ben says with a teasing lilt, kissing the top of her head.

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” Devi replies, mostly muffled since she says it into his chest.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you.”

“Wait, really?” They’d never talked about this before.

“Yea. I just… gave up. I mean, you made it easy to believe you didn’t care at all, I’ll admit, but I still let myself believe you. I didn’t listen to myself, or how I felt about it.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you felt like that,” Devi replies, honestly.

“Well, I’ve gained a lot of insight over the past couple of years. A bit more confidence, too, if I’m being honest.”

“I like it when you’re honest,” Devi replies, nuzzling him.

“I especially like it when we’re honest with each other,” Ben agrees, squeezing her tight.

They’re quiet for a minute.

“Whatcha thinkin about?” Devi asks into the darkness.

“Honestly?”

“We are trying that this time around,” Devi laughs.

“Well, honestly, I’m thinking about sex.”

“Ben!” Devi says, laughing and whacking him on the chest.

“You said be honest!” Ben replies defensively, rolling them over so that Devi’s now lying back on her pillows, Ben overtop of her.

“You also said we need to be out of here by ten am, mister. Which means we need to sleep.”

“I’ll sleep on the plane,” he replies as he starts to kiss down her neck, knowing her resolve is breaking.

“You’re driving us, remember? You have to be awake at the wheel…” Devi says, sighing at the pleasure. He knows exactly how to get her riled up.

“That’s what coffee is for,” he says, his voice breathy. “Besides, when’s the next time we’re going to be able to do this? We’re going home, remember? Unless you wanna do me in your childhood bed,” his voice is raspy, and it makes Devi tingle in all the right places.

“I would be surprised if I can even convince my mother to let us sleep in the same bed,” Devi replies, not really wanting to think about her mother right now. She has other things in mind now.

“All the more proving my point. But if you want me to stop,” he replies as he kisses his way further down, his mouth now on her collarbone and inching down, “just say the word and I’ll stop.”

She moans, trying to shift his mouth further down her body. “I swear to god Gross, if you stop right now, we’re breaking up.”

Ben laughs at this and brings his mouth back up to hers, kissing her passionately. She replies with just as much hunger, tangling her legs with his and trying to bring his body closer to hers.

He breaks away for a second, looking down at her. She can see his face, barely illuminated in the moonlight, his eyes piercing into hers.

“I love you so much,” he says, his full sincerity in his voice.

She pulls him back down to kiss her, her lips hungry for his. She breaks apart barely, whispers of another kiss brushing between them.

“I love you too.”

Their lips meet again.

\----

They’re definitely up much later than they meant to, finally falling asleep in each other’s arms much later. They’re tangled together, feeling a mixture of serenity they can only find together in the moonlight.

The holes in their hearts, open and raw for as long as they both can remember, are finally mending.

Outside, the snow flutters down, blanketing the earth.

Their breathing slows to match the rhythm of their heartbeats, perfectly timed.

Devi smiles to herself in the dark before falling blissfully asleep in Ben’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [title is from Supercut - Lorde // chapter title is from Joy - Bastille]


End file.
